What Orphans Taught Me About Love

👉🏼 Side Story: the boy in the photo is named Angel. The last day we were at the orphanage he sought me out to give me a hand written letter saying how thankful he was that I came and how much he loved me. I cried. A lot. I hope that one day I may get to see Angel again.

3 Years ago I made a trip to Mixco, Guatemala that significantly impacted my life. I made the trip to help serve at an orphanage (Miguel Miguel Magone Guatemala) in the only ways I knew how. I combed out the hair of baby dolls, I played, I photographed and filmed, and I loved.

Work Play Love is an incredible non-profit that helps to support this orphanage and I could not be more thankful to have had the opportunity to serve with them.

Below you can read the testimonial I wrote a few years back.

If you or someone you know is interested in loving on some children and amazing staff members please consider joining or sharing this organization.

"Learning About Love in Guatemala" - Work. Play. Love.

I will...Because I...

I am very fond of the three lined quote below. So much so that I decided to add to it to make it more personal. I actually read the final additions aloud to my housemate and only made it half way through before my throat was in knots and I started to cry. I pushed through but it wasn't pretty. "There's a lot to unpack in all of those lines." She said. And that, she is right. There's much to process and much to embrace. I'm thankful for reflection. A chance to appreciate the journey and look forward to the adventure. So with this... I give you my continuation of the inspirational quote I am so fond of. My personal addition begins with line number 4.

"I will be strong because I have been weak.

I will be fearless because I have been afraid. 

I will be wise because I have been foolish."

I will be excited because I have faced disappointment. 

I will live actively because I have taken rest. 

I will take rest because I have been active. 

I will travel because I have this one life. 

I will grow because I have been challenged. 

I will bless others because I have been given much. 

I will think well of myself because I have torn myself down. 

I will have more faith because I have doubted. 

I will be patient because I have been hasty. 

I will be loving because I have been loved.

What will you? Because You?

Lovingly,

Gabrielle

raw photos...kinda like negatives for the digital age

That Spark

One of my soul friends wrote something that touched my core today. Uncomfortably so...and I'm glad. This is my heart in words. I shared with her that it captivated me and she responded with "...then this is for you and also me. A love letter to every moment... May they be used to hand make our futures!! xoxo..." I feel that there's so much within this love letter. I'll be meditating on this one for quite some time. Have a read. Let it resonate where it will. & then go check out her website! She's most incredibly talented in her photography, her art, her writings and she's published!

We are all looking for that spark,
that one idea,
that one decision,
that will revolutionize our world.
Our spirit.
Our relationships.
Our career.
When we find that spark,
we start making choices.
New choices.
Different choices than before.
We grow immensely or heal rapidly.
That spark is the one that lights the inner fire.
The thing about a spark is in the presence of void it has no power.
Substance and Being must be Present.
The spark must have something to light....Which means that this spark changes your world only when you have a world to change.
A culmination of everything you have learned up until this moment is set in motion.
Set ablaze.
Each shift, each opening has prepared the ground for harvest,
Each log and leaf prepares for the roaring fire.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship.
Quitting that job you hate.
Going to therapy.
Moving on. Or up. Or too.
Starting your dream project.
Having this baby.
Saying yes to whatever you said no to before when you were too scared.
All are big shifts.
But really they are a culmination of little shifts,
little shifts that have been opening ones soul for the leap.
Which is to say:
all of life matters.
The small connections.
The little sentences of inspiration.
That act of kindness.
That act of grace.
That act of selflessness.
The choice to remain present.
The choice to love yourself anyway.
To keep getting up and trying.
Each moment matters if you want the spark that will change your world.
Because it's all tinder.
You won't know which day brings the big change to your door.
But it will come.
It always does to those who collect stick by stick,
moment by moment, placing them together as an altar.
Prepare and gather enough to withstand the hours and seasons of waiting.
So when the spark comes... the fire will roar.
The fire won't die out.
The fire will burn all that does not belong.
www.aglobalwalk.com (Ashley Fincham)

Accompanying Photo By Ashe Arends Photography

The Follow Through (Also Known As: The Longest Post Known To Man)

Oof. What a post title, yeah? This post is brought to you by the ever growing me, and my phone conversation I had with a one Miss Sarah Grice earlier this afternoon.

So I am out on the road again, and whereas, I thought this trip was going to be one that would be difficult to make, mainly because there's so much going on back home and planning a week of travel amongst it all seemed insane! I am actually not ready to come home. I left early Tuesday morning and have plans to return home Saturday evening...which is tomorrow. There is so much goodness that has come from this trip I am not sure I am prepared to go home and face the challenges that are set before me. This isn't because I feel that I am incapable of facing them or I fear that I will not succeed, it's just that there is so much that the Lord is doing in me and through me out here that I want to glean everything I can from the Father. I'm about to get real honest here so bear with me.

I hit my final breaking point Monday night. I think I cried harder than I have in an entire year. What's ironic is that a year ago around this very time I hit a very similar breaking point. I mourned, and processed, and gave myself a limit of one night. The next morning I arose to take on the journey ahead claiming freedom over my heart and persevering through the storm. A year ago a relationship that was so unhealthy for me finally broke. My heart wept unceasingly for several hours. The funny thing is that I was never in a romantic relationship with this best friend of mine, yet, I felt the deepest pain as a part of myself died that night. We must die to self in order to fully live. So in reality I didn't lose any part of me, I only lost the part of myself that wasn't meant to be there. Does that make sense? I am separating 'self' from 'me' because 'self' is selfish and 'me' is everything that I am at the very root of my being, it's how I was born. Anyway, that's a whole post in itself. Moving forward...

Here I am almost exactly a year later experiencing similar mourning. I cannot believe that an entire year has flown by. I have this wonderful guy friend that popped up out of the blue and our relationship just grew. I won't press much into detail out of respect for him and myself but as you can imagine we became rather fond of each other over the course of a year. Well, we ended up back in the same city and that's when things started to weigh on me. A month went by before I decided that my heart needed clarification on our future. He was incredibly honoring and respectful. I questioned whether I was deserving of that kind of treatment because all I had ever know was exactly opposite of that. It was wonderful and yet it softened my heart even more towards him. As it came to be, we didn't make plans to further our relationship that day. I had peace. I was, and still am, excited about what the Lord is doing in both of our lives--of course that doesn't make it easy. But, that's not what I want to talk about here. This is not some post to talk about why things happened the way they did, or what I had hoped for. The decisions that were made were wise and I respect them for both our counts.

Emotional investment is probably one of the deepest and most pure parts to my nature. Perhaps it's that "Davison gene" in my body that has me tied to another humans heart like a string on a kite. There's something that grabs hold of me as I interact with other people. My heart automatically takes on an advocacy role. I want to be 'for you' just as the Lord is. I want to stand by your side and lift you up. I want to help you carry the burden. I want you to know that you are seen. My heart is for you and sometimes that's the most beautiful thing we can offer to a friend; it's a part of our heart that shares in grief or joy or uncertainty, my heart breaks for what breaks yours. Because whatever it is...if it is important to you, it's important to me, because you are important to me. So here's where I get myself in some trouble. Emotional boundaries are not my forté. I'm learning this. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially with how I am learning it, but I am grateful.

I am an actress. I am an entertainer. I am a girl. All of these things contribute to one very emotional...sometimes over-emotional...23, going on 24, year old girl. I'm not one much with words in person, but I have more emotions than sometimes I know how to handle myself. With all this said, I have realized that although the decision was made to not invest in each other in a sense of furthering a romantic relationship I never separated my emotions from the relationship. Why would I need to? I ask myself. I'm perfectly fine with how things are going. We are still good friends...I'm only sharing the part of my heart that I would share if it were anyone. Wrong. It's quite a bit harder to come back from a relationship that was headed towards being a full on romantic relationship than it is if that line had never been crossed. There's a special part of my heart--and I have written on this before--that so desires to be selfless with someone, to advocate for someone, to push them towards their dreams. I had started to share that part of my heart, that part of me that I should have been more guarded with.

Perhaps, without meaning to, we often take from people we shouldn't be taking from without realizing it. Maybe we desire the affirmation and the encouragement. Perhaps, we don't know that we are taking what is not rightly ours...or...perhaps we do. Whatever the case may be, it's not only on the shoulders of the one doing the taking, but just as well it is on the shoulders of the one who isn't guarding against the taking. This could be within the scope of family relationships, friendly relationships, and romantic relationships. In my case as of current it's within a what could have been a romantic relationship. Emotional ties are hard to break and take probably the longest to heal. I've never before experienced emotionally what I have over the past months, and I don't mean the kind of emotions. I mean to say that I hadn't made the disconnect that I needed to in order to move forward and allow my heart to heal like it should. I left my emotions vulnerable and open for the taking and I willingly lent them and gave them away. That sounds so dramatic...but I mean...come on...we are taking about emotions here. I had not set my boundaries like I should. I found myself feeling defeated and didn't understand why I felt this way when everything was good, it was all right. I wasn't heading the caution that I should have. It's o.k. though. I don't regret giving what I have. I only now know what I should do in the future. I feel honored to have been a part of sharing in those parts of life with someone. I feel thankful to have been able to be selfless with someone and to care for someone as I have. I know that I can be, in that capacity, for someone, someday, and you know what? They will be too, and it will be beautiful.

I'm currently sitting in a local Blacksburg coffee shop that a friend recommended to me..(thanks Nathan!)...and I am thinking on the past few days on the road. No, not Jack Kerouac's version of On the Road but my own adventure as it is. I spent some time with a dear friend of mine watching planes land at a local Lynchburg regional airport over cups of starbies. I think we sat there for 4 hours. I have to mention that before this we had lunch at a mexican restaurant and I have come to the conclusion that if I am ever needing a confidence booster I should get mexican because those guys think they are so charming getting their flirt on with all the ladies...I'll take it. ;) Back to the airport!

We sat there for 4 hours and talked, and sang, and talked, and just enjoyed each other's company. My dear Jordan is soon leaving on a big jet plane for probably one of the biggest steps in her young adult life and I'm so very excited for her! So we talked a bit about that, and then she asked me about the dream that I have that is mine. Now I know when people ask me what I want to do in my life what my answer is and that answer is about partnering with people...but it's funny that she asked me about the dream that will be mine to pursue because I have thought about this here and there. I'm thinking and realizing that maybe the Lord will have me take a dream head on and lead on this one. That's kinda a scary thought. I think over the course of my years in college I thought more about joining with people in a movement rather than starting a wave myself. Now, this is about as far as I have come in my thoughts on this but I do want to start praying about this. I know that I won't be left without answers...and that's what scares me a bit. I am working on following through on what I know I should do, but struggle to. I'll procrastinate a bit...test the waters a bit...look it over a bit...hold on to what I already know a bit...when really I just need to do it. It's easy to say you will do something...the follow through is what counts. Ahhh. Now we get to the subject title! I am working on following through on putting up boundaries where they are needed within my relationships and pursuing the things I know I should, those foundational absolutes I talked about a couple posts ago. I had a conversation with my dear Sarah Grice today about following through on what we know we should do...but I am selfish and I just want to keep doing life the way I'm doing it becausssseee it's hurting me? No. Wait. What? That doesn't make sense; but does the heart ever? I'm definitely laughing to myself right now.

So I made this hike a couple days ago. Four miles out to McAfee Knob and four miles back to my car. I hiked this alone. Well over an hour out to the scenic overlook and over an hour back to my car. Probably not the smartest or safest thing to do but I am so glad I did it. It was difficult at parts. My heart raced. I glistened (that's a nice way for saying I was sweating). I jogged for stints and walked for others. In all this time I thought about a lot of things. It really did a number for my heart. Heartbreak needed to be worked out and I got my silent time with the Lord and nature. My friend Sara calls me a naturalist; that is the sense that I see God in nature and always meet Him there. I experience the Lord in the purest way I can, in the most tangible way I can, here on this earth. So I walked and talked with God and reached the top and the second I overlooked the scene before me my heart stopped. "Oh my, Lord." I exclaimed aloud. I stood in awe. I quickly asked a group of guys who were just leaving the top to snap a couple photos for me. Two minutes later they were gone and it was just me and creation. I was lightheaded, probably because of the elevation but also because I was overcome. I stood there, then I sat there, and audibly gave the Lord praise for His handiwork. I opened up my arms and I let go. I released so many things on that mountain top. I laughed and I cried. I sang and I shouted. I took in as much as I could as the sun began to do it's little dance heading down the western part of the hemisphere. I took the deepest of breaths and said goodbye to the moment promising to forever cherish it.

I got back to my car and for the first time in quite a while...I felt free. I carry this with me now and I pray I don't forget. Of course I guess I could always reflect back on this post as a reminder but I have committed to do my best at following through. Whether that is with placing boundaries where they need to be placed, praying about the things I should be praying about, or focusing on those foundational absolutes. I want to follow through. I want to be not one of just words, but also one of corresponding and echoing action.

Simply,

Gabrielle

**One other learn I gleaned from my trek the other day...as I was walking I could take a bit to look around but I really had to pay attention to my footing. A metaphor arose as I thought about how there were moments when I could look up and walk comfortably and moments when I continually had to look down for each step--which was most of the time--this is a part of the Appalachian trail in the Blue Ridge that we are talking about. But, I was reminded through thinking about this that sometimes God allows us to see a bit ahead, but then most times we have to only focus on the steps he has given us just before us or else we might lose our footing, and sprained ankles hurt!! I can testify I have had more than my fair share! So right now, and I think this goes for most of us in our 20's I can see the couple steps in front of me as they are given. If I dare look too far ahead or try to I may end up missing my step and each step is a crucial one.

Not A Valentines Post

Well my friends it's February. I guess I've missed a month of blogging but that doesn't mean I can't start now! So here we go. At least two posts a month. That's my goal. Keep me accountable will ya? ;)

Here's a little dose of what has been on my mind lately. I'm doing some re-evaluating of my time and how I am spending it and where I am spending it and why. Something that I have been trying to be better at is being intentional with people. I'm not sure that I shared that here in my blog at any point in past months, so, if I haven't, basically I have been wanting to not only say I am going to do something but also follow through on those things. A lot of it comes down to my relationships. I don't want to just say that I would like to get coffee with you but I am going to say it and mean it. It can become hard when you walk into a local shop here in Virginia Beach so close to the university I not only attended, but also now work full time at ,because I am bound to see not only one person I know but probably a couple. So basically I am expanding my being intentional with people to also being intentional with my time. 

So what's that look like? Well, I have my absolutes that I am needing to focus on first and then build on those from there. Last semester I dove in head first to my job, small groups, church, and extra curriculars. Let's just say that it was a lot. Especially after spending most days by myself in Texas over the past year. That year went quick. 7 months of being back in Virginia Beach has gone quick. Life is speeding up I swear. So my absolutes are as follows: 

• Personal with the Lord - Daily Manna. Plain and simple. Not saying that time with the Lord is plain and simple. You get what I mean. :) It's an area that needs some work in my life since I moved back to Virginia. It was so easy being home, waking up at 930am and starting my day with the Lord. Now with a full time job and other responsibilities it's a bit harder and so I'm learning. Not failing. Learning, growing, and challenging myself in this new season. 

• Wednesday nights I go to a discipleship group called "Love Feast" - So this group is a group I attended last semester and that's how I met my mentee! (no not manatee) I really get to glean a lot from Sara who is a friend of mine who leads the group and her husband Mike (also a friend of mine) who is a part of my "family group." I feel like a mentor or someone to look up to within my family which is kind of neat. It also makes me more aware that I am being watched. I think it's a really good environment for me to be in. 

• Friday nights I meet with a group of artists called "The Gathering" - I just started attending recently but really they have only been meeting for a little over a month so I haven't missed out on much. Many of the members couldn't believe that I just started attending because they could have sworn I was around when it all started up. I feel at home with these creative and inspirational souls.

• I am a mentor to a 18 year old girl in undergrad who is the absolute sweetest. We meet sometime throughout every week depending on our schedules. I think I am doing just as much learning and growing as she is in our meetings together. The Lord continues to surprise me with the little nuggets of wisdom that come from my mouth. Sometimes it's just what I need to hear as well. I cannot tell you how much I love pouring out and into her life and being of encouragement to her. 

• Sunday's I have church - This is another area where I am looking at where I need to be. I have been attending the same church I went to as a student and for some reason in the past month I have felt like I need to start visiting elsewhere. We will see what comes of this in time.

•  Work Monday through Friday - Of course this is an absolute that takes up quite a bit of my life. 40+ hours of my week to be exact.

• Love & Scissors - If you know me well you know that I am a part of a non-profit called Love & Scissors which is an anti-human trafficking organization that I do administrative, marketing, and event planning work for. I just recently became committed as more than just a volunteer which is very exciting. Big things are coming and we are spending some time dreaming which is always exciting. 

 So with those being my absolutes I am accounting for all the rest of my time which is precious since it isn't much. The rest of my time is spent being intentional with people and taking time to myself. I am needing more introverted moments. More time to myself to write, read, create, and dream. Sweet moments where I come home, make dinner, cuddle up in bed and watch an episode of Parenthood...because I can. More moments of getting off work to make my way to Cafe Moka to drink tea and read or write or knit. Peaceful moments. So good for my spirit. So needed. 

All of this writing, perhaps too much, to say that I am re-evaluating how I spend my time. I want to spend it wisely and to spend it in a manner that has me coming away inspired, or refreshed, or at rest, or excited. You get the idea. 

I suppose that's it for now. Just a long list of things. Nothing to significant or ground breaking. Just a little bit of life. 

 

Here's me // Happy Valentines Day

If you expected there to be some sort of irony in regards to my title of this post...sorrynotsorry. hahaha 

A Beautiful Farewell

I feel as though my brain has been reeling with so many thoughts as this year is coming to it's close, and the next is only two hours away (1 hour for my friends on the east coast). A year ago today I was in Missouri packing up my bags in preparation to fly out New Years day to Virginia. I finished packing and spent the rest of the night watching the ball drop with a couple family members. Below is the photo that I posted on New Years day a year ago...a bit of foreshadowing you think? ;)

So I have decided to talk a little bit about the highlights of 2014 and some of the things that I learned as well as some things I am reflecting on. This may be a really honest post...but honestly what have I written in the past year that wasn't? 

Learned Lesson # 1 :: Be Honest With Myself

Oosh. So spending a year at home which would have been about 1/2 of 2014 definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on life. I had a lot of time to be in the now because there wasn't a next step to look to. I'm realizing how beautiful that time was and how therapeutic it was to just be in the present, not planning too far ahead and taking life as it came, daily. It gave me ample opportunity to get to know myself a little better and to be really honest with myself. I mean, think about it, life gets busy, and if you all know me, I am filling every minute of every day with something. When life gets busy we tend to neglect ourselves. I guess I hadn't really noticed how much I need "me" time until I recognized its importance in my life. I did a lot of writing this past year, a lot more than I had in a very long time. I hope to do even more writing and reflecting in the coming year. I want to be honest with myself because that's how I learn and grow.

Lesson Learned # 2 :: I Am A Verbal Processor & I Need To Learn To Love It

Accept it. Love it. Well....at least I have one of those things locked down. :] Girls talk a lot...and then there's Gabe and others like her who tend to run the same topic into the ground or what I have otherwise come to call it, word-vomit. I exhaust myself with talking. It happens. It's a real thing. I'm not just someone to talk because I like to hear myself talk or to talk about non-sense. When I verbally process it most always is about something that important to me. Well if I think back on a post from last January I talked about how I had coffee and lunch in VA with a bajillion people and they all just about asked the same questions...so...I processed, and I learned A LOT. I went back to Texas with new thoughts in my head and new songs in my heart. & I quote from me a year ago: "The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual." Well, past me, we are still on the same page there. Over the past year I have processed deserts and flowing streams, I have processed love and heart break, I have processed beginnings and endings, I have processed acceptance and letting go, and so so much more. I'm actually sitting here laughing to myself over the mixed memories that are flooding my mind right now. I'm still working on the loving the fact that I verbally process but accepting it is the first part and seeing what positives lie in the fact that it's a part of me. If you have lent an ear to me over the past year I am so thankful not only for someone to listen but for those who shared parts of my heart because those words. that's exactly what they are. 

        

 

 

To those who lent an ear

To those who heard my heart

To those who echoed back

I can't encompass enough words to say

 I'm thankful.

How ironic.

 

Lesson Learned # 3 :: Give Room For Growth

I learned quite a bit in this area. I realized how important it is in relationships to give room for the other person to grow. I have a whole blog post on the topic called Re-potting plants. People grow and change. I am not who I was yesterday and I don't plan to be the same tomorrow. I think not only did I learn about allowing others room to grow within my relationships now but a lot about how important it is for a healthy marriage. Along with giving others room to grow I also am learning to give myself room to grow. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to becoming stagnant or falling into falsehoods of who I have been in my past. Gotta make room for a new foundation. Gotta give way for new roots to take to fresh soil. 

Lesson Learned # 4 :: The Most Magical Adventures Arise When You Aren't Looking For Them

So a good friend of mine got engaged and was planning a wedding for January 4th 2014 (Happy Almost Anni Kack & Tay!) & I was invited to attend the wedding but also asked to be the weekend coordinator/director....so logically, off to Virginia I flew Jan 1st 2014. As you read above in my instagram post "Hopefully this is a foreshadowing of the rest of 2014." In this year I have flown to Virginia Beach for a wedding, drove to Oklahoma City for a wedding, worked and volunteered in Guatemala at a children's orphanage, drove to Tennessee for a much needed friendcation, flew to FL for family vacation, moved 1/2 way across the country to Virginia (again), traveled all over Maryland, Delaware, Virginia and New Jersey for my job and most recently got back from a trip to Iceland. Most all of these travels weren't planned far in advanced but the opportunities presented themselves and I chose to take advantage of them. It's kinda neat how each one of these adventures came to be. I would go in detail about them all but that would take quite a bit of time. This year has been full of travels and cultural experiences. I have loved life on the road and in the air. My thirst for exploring the world around me has turned into wanderlust. If 2014 held all of this I cannot wait to see what 2015 has in store. I'm realizing how important it is to experience this earth before I'm not here to see the majesties God has created. My heart longs to be outdoors amongst pathless forests, overgrown gardens and standing on the edge of mountaintops. So here's to dreaming and waiting to see what opportunities come my way.

Lesson Learned # 5 :: Desire Is Not Longing & It's Not Wrong

This is something I wrote about most recently called "Let's Do Life Together". There's something to be said about the differences between desire and longing. So if you haven't read that post from November it's all about doing life with someone. I feel as though "desire" is a more appropriate word to use when talking about having a significant other to experience and do life with than longing. Longing implies that one is discontent and wishing for something they do not possess. I would say that desire is an underlying feeling that doesn't always reflect feelings of discontent. If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it's about 2am eastern time and I am just about wiped but pushing through to finish this! I have questioned myself and found that I am desire-full but not longing for someone to share life with. I went aboooout...I'd say 21 years of my life, not really thinking much about sharing life with someone. Then desire set in and I questioned myself. Am I discontent with where I am? Am I going to become a girl who consumed by longing to be dating someone and longing to just get married? Bleh! No! I actually love where I am right now. I love the added freedoms that come with being single and the things I get to do because I have those freedoms. But this doesn't mean that I don't desire to share day to day life with someone. I am not a dater. I don't date. I've been out on a couple coffee dates here and there, a couple lunch dates, and even a dinner date was proposed, to which I said "let's just stick to lunch." Dinner is a whole different ball game people. haha. I'm not a fan of dating. I am a fan of best friends and falling in love. I am a fan of getting to know someone through sharing life with them. I want to take a walk together, read together, explore together, just be. I want to share so many things that I love and that are important to me with someone. I want to share the important people in my life with that person. I want to share in their life, their hopes, their dreams and greet challenges with them. All of these things and more I believe I mention in that blog, so I won't take any longer to get descriptive here. Anywho, I have come to learn that just because I desire to do life with someone doesn't mean I'm longing for it and just because I desire to share life with someone doesn't make it wrong. I am still waking up and doing life every day. I am still embracing the freedoms that come with being single. I am taking in every moment this Christmas with my family realizing that one day they won't JUST be mine but that I will share them and while that will be the best ever, I only get my family to myself, just like this, right now. This Christmas will never repeat itself. I get to sit on my grandpas lap and share beds with my sister and just enjoy my family as it is now, right now. Who knows what next year will bring. I will say I am more excited and anxious than ever to share my family with someone. I am so thankful for my family and extended family. This New Year I'm taking it all in because time flies and I want to take it all in and have the chance to appreciate and take hold of every moment I can.

So many lessons were learned but there you have just a few. I got a bit length on that last one but I'm pretty passionate about them all. In closing, it's been an exciting and unforgettable year full of so many surprises and blessings. Farewell my dear 2014 and the beauties that you were, hello 2015 and the beauties that you'll bring!

 

xoxo, gabrielle

Adventure Spirit

I did just spend a great deal of time writing a post about my next adventure but then I was reminded that it may be smart to keep the details to myself until it is safe to divulge them. Internet safety and all that. So instead this post shall be more of just the scribed thoughts running through my head. Even I don't know them fully till they are in written form.

As my next adventure draws near I can't help but to think where I was a year ago around this time. A young girl of 22 with dreams of changing the world and exploring the earth. haha Not that much has changed since I am 23 and still have dreams of changing the world and exploring the earth...just now I have a big girl job, I live on the east coast and I have the opportunity (including financial means) to venture out and see the world.

It's times like these that I begin to be thankful for the state of life I am in. I am a young, healthy, and inspired, single, independent, woman. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to shove all those things in anyone's face. There's something freeing and appealing to me about being content with where you are in life. Here I am looking at all of those describing words and thinking...what is wrong with any one of those things? Nothing. There is nothing wrong with any of those but so often I find myself taking those things for granted or wishing that they were different. Womp. Womp. Like I said before, none of this is planned writing, it's coming straight from this brain of mine. Yay! Spontaneity!

So here I am in this wonderful stage of life where I am getting to go on adventures and although I do have dreams of one day being able to adventure with a studly guy by my side hehe it's kind of precious to be able to embrace this adventure spirit of mine in this season. I'm getting to experience culture and the Lord in new and beautiful ways. I'm constantly learning and seeing the Lord in new ways when I'm out in nature. I know that after this trip I won't be the same. I know it kinda sounds like much to be saying that but I honestly think that a good majority of people who travel never return home the same as they left and I don't intend to. I want to take as much of it in as possible. I want to observe and behold as much as I can with my naked eye. I want to remember the scents of the earth and the delicacies I will partake in. I want to make memories that keep my adventurous spirit alive. I want to experience the creation and the Creator at a deeper level. I don't know exactly how I will return home, how exactly this trip will impact my heart, but I am excited to find out.

xo,

Gabrielle

"Let's do life together..."

The title of this post is a phrase that surfaces every so often in conversation with my girlfriends. Of course relationships is always a topic on the table and equally so the topic of what we are doing or not doing with our lives. Following shortly after that are conversations of how many of our friends are having babies or just adopted a new pet...for the record my house recently adopted two parakeets and a puppy border collie. Also, this week alone 3 people I know had babies and the pictures of these little ones and others of similar age are starting to hit my instafeed more frequently. What. Is. Life. haha

So back to the original intent of this post, this phrase, "let's do life together." I have a dear friend of mine who I spoke a lot about this phrase with over the past year. My dearest Ashley if you are out there reading this I miss you and we really should Skype soon! My dear friend of almost 10 years and I had many talks of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, life, and adventure. She loved my phrase "let's do life together" so much that back in April she made an image that she shared with me with those very words.

So this phrase came up last night once again when I was hanging out in my house with a big group of friends. One of the couches in my living room had all the married ladies sitting and talking and the topic of how they all met their significant others came up. Of course other girls in the room, myself included, are eating it all up. That's when my friend Jenny mentioned doing daily things with someone and how she just wants that. My mind immediately went back to that phrase, "let's do life together." So I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm not anxious to be. I'm not needing to "fill a void" or "become whole by finding my other half." & can we talk a minute about that phrase... YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON whether you are with someone or not. So many clichés, my oh my. I've never been one to long to be in a relationship. It doesn't bother me that I am single. This just isn't the time for me and that's perfectly alright because I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do when I need to do it. My first priority has been to secure a job. Check! My second priority is to set new roots in healthy soil here in Virginia Beach. There was a big reason I completely uprooted myself and moved to Texas thinking I would never be back in VB and I didn't see that until I got back to the 757 and realized that I get a fresh start in a familiar setting. This past year was a blink. I cannot believe that I spent an entire year at home and now Virginia Beach is my home. So I have been given an opportunity to pave a new foundation and so far although it's been crazy, it has been going well and I still feel like I am setting new roots and finding that healthy soil. I'm wanting to form healthy habits and make healthy choices in many different areas of my life. Some areas are receiving more attention than others and I'm working on fixing that but it's been good. I'm so thankful. I've noticed I manage my stress differently now (something I talked about in a previous post) and I've noticed that I'm making better decisions and more mature decisions. It's honestly saving me a lot of grief. I look back on my 4 years here while I was in school and I shake my head and laugh to myself at some of the things I remember about decisions I made and the things I learned and have learned since then. So good. Thank God.

Bah! Rabbit trail! I'm sorry. haha. So anyway, point being, I'm not searching for love, I'm not lost, I'm not lonely (most of the time ;) we all have our moments), I'm not uncomfortable being alone, I'm not desperate...but as I was telling my friend Kelsey: just because I'm not focused on dating, or getting engaged, or getting married, doesn't mean that the desire isn't there. My underlying desire is to "do life together" with someone. I simply want to build upon a friendship to a point where I can see myself spending time every day with that person as my best friend for the rest of my life. & that takes time! ohhh that takes time. So, no rush or anything. 

I just simply desire to sit in a coffee shop and share my day with someone. I want to spend time outdoors exploring with someone. I want to sit in a room curled up on a couch reading with someone. I want to watch clouds pass by and storms roll in with someone. I want to share my family with someone. I want to share traditions with someone. I want to laugh with someone and have inside jokes with someone. I want to make a fool of myself and cherish the way he teases me. I want to sit in silence with someone. I want to run errands with someone (weird, yeah I know). I want to cook and bake with someone and for someone. I want to get in the car and drive to destination unknown with someone. I want to share my friends with someone. I want to share so many beautiful moments with someone because I know they are ever changing and people are starting to go on and about their own lives. I want to encourage someone. I want to face life's challenges and hardships with someone. I want to be an advocate for someone. I want to surprise someone. I want to dote on someone. I want to be selfless with someone. I want to be vulnerable with someone. I want to pursue dreams with someone. I want to inspire someone. I want to stir someone to want to go deeper in faith and become closer to God. I want to love someone and love with my whole being. 

I may have already found myself in hard situations with friends in the past because I give so much of myself into relationships in general, that any significant hurt from those relationships resonate deep. Knowing this, I know that this love, whatever and whenever it may be, is going to be overwhelming. I'm excited and since this phrase is on my mind off and on over the past year and was recently back on the table I felt I wanted to write about it. So thanks for hanging in there if you've made it this far through all that ooey gooey gushy girl stuff above. I'm putting it out there. I'm being vulnerable with my readers and honestly being more vulnerable and real with myself. That's what all this writing has been about over the past year. I'm working on being honest about things and it all starts with being honest with myself.  

Good stuff. Till next time when I write about something not ooey gooey...

It's finally fall & wonderful things are coming!

Re-potting Plants

If you've never planted seeds in a pot before the process usually starts with a small plant pot. I love the itty bitty ones you can get from the home improvement store they're precious and make me wanna say girly things like "awwweee it's so leetle! it's a baaaybeeee!" Haha. So when planting you sometimes start with a small pot and then the little plant is watered and given the sun that it needs to grow and eventually it graduates! You get it a bigger pot! The process continues until its graduated a couple times and then eventually you could plant it outdoors so that it has ample space to throw down its roots and take in the sun. People who garden know that it's no easy task to maintain healthy plants whether they be beds of flowers or vegetables. There's a lot of care that goes into maintaining the soil and making sure if it's been relatively dry in the forecast that the plants get the water they need. There are people who garden their whole lives to maintain the grounds of important estates; I'm thinking Downton Abbey style. How do you think they keep the outside of places like that looking beautiful?! Especially when you have plants that come from different parts of the world that aren't native to the environment they've been placed in.

So I've talked a lot about the whole gardening business probably more than I needed to but, hey, I was on a roll. What I'm really wanting to talk about here is something that has been on my mind for the past couple days and has been popping up over the past couple months. I'm kinda using the plant talk above as a metaphor so bear with me.

You have to give people room to grow. Simply said, not as easily done. I know in my own experience when I have been stunted by friends or family who aren't giving me room to grow or allowing me the chance to grow. Not only have I experienced this I have observed it happening around me lately and in some ways I have heard it referenced to in church. We as humans will continue to grow and be molded and change until the day we die. Physically there's not much we can do to stop another person from growing old, but when it comes to growing emotionally, mentally, behaviorally, and spiritually, these are all things that can be affected in one person by the influence of another person, a lot of these things being metaphysical. I'm seeing a lot of hurt caused by people's inability to let another person grow. It's like re-potting plants. Here's this little sprout which has the capacity to become something big and beautiful but if the potter doesn't lend a hand in re-potting the plant and giving it new soil then it will not thrive. So here we are as humans coming in constant contact with other humans. We have the ability to help a person to thrive in their growth as an individual or we can choose to only see them as they are or once were and expect them to stay that way. It hurts me to see people shut down by other people because they can't see past their own narrow mindedness. Are we not to push each other towards Christ? Are we not to encourage one another in brotherly & sisterly love? I know that there are some beautiful influential people in my life who constantly encouraged me to push on and push forward and even when I still had mud in my eyes they saw past my current state or they saw the depths of my heart, the desire to change, the desire to grow, the desire to do good. Even if I couldn't see it they saw it in me and encouraged me to see past my own stumbling blocks. It's beautiful really. They spoke truth. They spoke life. Words carry so much more weight than we tend to realize.

But really what I'm trying to get at here is this: If you preemptively decide that your husband, your wife, your sister, your brother, your friend, or your coworker or anyone you know is going to do the same things they have always done wrong then you're part of the problem. (ooh that was harsh but I'm not saying this to single anyone out I'm also having some personal realizations as well.) I'm talking these things could be effecting you directly or indirectly. They could be seen as mistakes or bad choices or whatever. I'm gonna bring it back home to a personal level just because it's the best real life experience I can think of to share rather than making a scenario up. So my little sister and I were never close. Like she had a chip on her shoulder and I had one on mine. We've talked about this on countless occasions so I know that it's ok to share this because it's a testament to how beautiful our relationship is now. So my sister and I are opposites. I'm an extrovert, she's an introvert, I'm enjoy performing arts, she enjoys visual art, I like sports, she'd rather read a novel, so on and so forth. To keep things short I will say this, I came home with an open mind and open heart, and she received me as her sister with an open mind and open heart. Here we were back in August with room to grow. We potted our relationship in a bigger pot together allowing each other the room to flourish. I think sometimes what holds us back from letting another person grow is bitterness or sometimes it's just simply deciding that you know that person and how they are or how they were and who they will be. Shallow thinking. God has given us incredible potential and He delights in our growth whether that growth happens in an instant or takes a handful of times to learn and grow or hey, it may take years. Sometimes it takes people half their lives to learn and grow in certain areas of their lives. It could take 21 years like it took my sister and I. If I went into each encounter with my sister expecting her to be the same person day to day I wouldn't be helping her because I would continue to treat her as the same person. But my baby sister is growing up every day, she's right on my tail and I have the amazing privilege to be there for her, encouraging her to reach for the potential I know the Lord has for her life. I'm not saying that it's all sunshine and daisies constantly, we still have our moments where we expect an action or reaction a certain way because that's what we have known for so long and have been so wrapped up in it that we are still personally breaking those habits. But, I know she has the potential to grow and change just as she knows I have the potential to grow and change.

It helps no one to bitterly comment about how that person will always make the same mistakes or hurt you in the same way or choose badly every time. But, it does help to encourage and help the other person transfer their potted plant into a bigger pot. Eventually the ideal is to plant those potted plants into the ground so that there is infinite possibility and potential for growth. That's what I hope to give my husband someday. I hope to help him grow and in return I hope and pray he does the same. Never giving limitations because our God is phenomenal and He can change a heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh. (Ezekiel 36:26)

So I guess this is another thing I'm learning about relationships recently. I would hate to have a limit or brand put on me that stunts my growth so I don't want to do the same to another person. I don't want to be too quick to assess where a person is spiritually or emotionally or mentally because only God knows the depths to that person and judgement is not my job. So friends I guess those are some of my thoughts on this. I'm terribly sorry it was such a long post! So much to write about! But if you stuck through it, if you have experienced this yourself I'd love to hear from you.

http://www.allamericanflorist.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/repot-plants.jpg

So I Was A Wanderer For A Week

Happy New Year Everyone! This first post of the new year will most likely have a ton of information since the last time I posted was quite some time ago! I apologize in advance if you become overwhelmed with the amount of information in this, my first post of 2014. I have a three hour flight from Norfolk, VA to Dallas, TX so I decided to use this time to write since there is so much to say and it’s all still fairly fresh in my mind. 

Let’s start with a run down of how the past month has been:

CHRISTMAS TIME!

I really enjoyed being home to help with decorating the house and just take in all the christmas goodness that comes with being home for the holidays...or in my case being home for who knows how long. My little sister came home and I was there waiting for her which was really fun. 

Moving on! Because what I really want to talk about comes after Christmas! (yes I did start a sentence with ‘because’)

Ok so Christmas was fun and all but I was really looking forward to getting back to Virginia! I cannot tell you how good it felt to be traveling on my own again. I know I just took a trip to Florida back in November, but this trip was a tad different. I was making my pilgrimage back to the state where I first found my independence! Something I have been missing a lot with being back in my parents home.

ADVENTURE!

Why did you fly to Virginia Gabrielle? So glad you asked! Well, I have a dear friend who got married on January 4^th! I was invited to the wedding and decided to offer my coordinating and directing skills for the wedding weekend! The night I arrived in Chesapeake we immediately got to work on the wedding. This was my third wedding with the Morgan family in 2.5 years. Back in June of 2012 I did hair for Emilie Morgan and a couple of the Morgan sisters in her wedding. In June 2013 I Directed Olivia (Morgan) Dyer’s wedding and this January 4^th I directed Katherine (Morgan) Lee’s wedding! Can I just say that I absolutely adore the Morgan family! They are the type of family who adopts anyone who walks through the doors of their home.

THE WEDDING!

Friday & Saturday of last weekend were two of the craziest days I have experienced in the past 5 months. You can probably guess that we had a lot to do to get ready for the wedding Saturday afternoon so I won’t go into the boring and dramatic details of it all. I will say this: I honestly could not have kept everything straight without the help of the most amazing people! So THANK YOU if you are reading this and you were one of those people who helped me survive the weekend and helped to make the day a beautiful success! One thing when it comes to directing friends’ weddings is that as the director I don’t get a lot of time to visit with people. I do wish I had had time to see and talk to some of the people who attended the wedding that I haven’t seen in so very long! 

Something I noticed at the end of the day is that I was able to recall A LOT of information so much easier than when I was in a season of being in school and working. I think it helped that I took 5 months off of working on anything of that magnitude! It was stressful but not in an overbearing way, I loved it! Hey! They’re Hitched!!

So the wedding is over and we have just about finished clean up for the evening when I all of the sudden felt so much repressed emotion beginning to overwhelm my senses. The second I got into the car with my friend Kadi I had to let her know that I was perfectly happy and not to worry because I knew I was about to bawl my eyes out and it was going to be ugly! Haha. Soooo I may have cried the whole 20 minutes from Triple R Ranch to the Morgans house. It was such an amazing relief to just let it all go! 

VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS!

Yay! SO the wedding is over! We had a lovely pancake breakfast celebration the next morning and then all parted ways. I went to Big House church with Olivia & Jacob Dyer that evening and spent that night in Ghent. I won’t give you a play by play of the entire weekend because that would make for a ridiculously long post that I’m sure I wouldn’t even want to read! But here’s how the week kinda played out:

1. I didn’t have a car so I was bumming rides off friends and taking my schedule day by day 
2. Sometimes I was stranded in odd places of Hampton Roads...like the panera in Great Bridge for 3 hours!
3. I made my way from Chesapeake -> Great Bridge -> Norfolk -> Virginia Beach -> Great Bridge -> Norfolk
4. I visited with as many people as I could in the week that I had some of the lovely people included: Karlie, Kadi, Olivia, Jacob, Gabe, Ashe, Sarah R., Justin, Rachel, Sarah G., Stephen, Katie, Christen, Keith, Chelsea, Alex, Liz W., C.J., Jude, Dr. K, Dave G, Jenny, Adam, Kim H., Kim & Jared Beasley, Chris & Anna Free, Danny, Graham, & Mary. There were so many more people I wish I could have visited with but since I didn’t have a car I was kinda limited.
5. I went to every coffee shop except for Bean There. (Moka, Stella, Cure, Starbucks)

I think the thing I am most thankful for is the fact that I had the opportunity to process with people. It’s interesting living in Texas for many reasons, a couple of those including the fact that I live with my parents and that I live in a city that I am unfamiliar with. I don’t have regular conversations where I’m processing life with people. I don’t have people who are processing life with me as I listen. I don’t have people pouring into my life as I pour into theirs. I never realized how much I miss that until I got to virginia and started to talk and I couldn’t stop. I’m sorry friends for all the word vomit!! 

The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual. It took me flying across half the country to look back on the past 5 months from a distance and process it. It’s true when they say that sometimes you have to be on the outside looking in or you have to take a step out of the situation at hand to get a complete grasp on it, to see it for what it really is. 

Here are some of the questions I was asked over the past week by multiple people:

1.   Is it different being back? Does it feel weird?

Honestly it didn’t feel weird or abnormal to be back in Virginia, It almost felt like I was coming back to school after Christmas Break. It was weird not having a car but life worked itself out to get me where I needed to go. It was different being back for sure. I mean it didn’t feel like the world did a complete flip on me, but it did feel different in the sense that I closed my chapter of living there back in August. It felt different in the sense that some of my friends and professors have moved on to new and exciting things. I know that people have had a whole 5 months of changes in their lives that I haven’t been around to see or hear about so of course that was a bit different, but for the most part everything was almost as I had left it. 

2.   Now that you are able to look back on being home what has that been like?

Such a loaded question. Here let me just let you watch a recorded video of that, it just may be a little faster than me explaining it all to you. Haha. Totally kidding. But seriously this one was one that I answered a lot so I will try to get all the important details in there as well as try to keep it simple. 

When I went home, I didn’t know quite what to expect. I went home knowing I needed rest. I went home knowing I had 2 weddings that I was a bridesmaid for in coming months. I went home knowing I had resume’s to build and a reel to edit together. I went home knowing that I was going to have a lot of free time and that I needed to fill that time with being productive as much as I could. But here is what came of all of that: 

I rested. Oh yes! I slept in and took naps! I started reading! Whoa!!

I traveled with my parents on business to New York City and Orange County, California!

I planned a bridal shower & stood at my best friends wedding.

I spent a week in Florida helping another best friend with preparation for her wedding and then stood at her wedding as well!

I made three resumes and kinda made a reel. When I say kinda I mean it could be tweaked here and there I guess but I’m pretty happy with it!

I became friends with my little sister! This has been the most beautiful development over the months. I never saw it coming and I could not be more blessed to have such a sweet relationship with her. We are being vulnerable and open with one another for the first time in the history of our lives. If it was God’s plan to have me come home thinking it was to find a job and in reality it was so my sister and I could mend our relationship and become friends then so be it! I am so incredibly blessed beyond belief. She is so precious to me.

It has been difficult at times to be home for several reasons, one being the fact that I miss my independence. I miss being set apart from the lives of my parents. Being home I have to be considerate of their plans and schedules which I’m fine with but sometimes a girl just needs the space and freedom to just ‘do’ things cuz she can and wants to. I miss the simplicity of things. I miss coming home after a long day to my cute little studio apartment. I miss the time to myself where I cooked dinner and spent my evening, crafting, knitting, reading or catching up on a comfort show. I can do this at home for sure but it’s different when you have anything and everything you could need in life at your finger tips. Simplicity and precious moments are some things that I miss not living on my own. 

3.   What's next for you? Any plans to move anywhere? Have you applied to any jobs?

Well I wish I had an exact answer for this question. I have applied to some jobs and many paid internships. I have sent countless emails and had several phone conversations for possible job fittings, but nothing has blossomed yet. I'm not worried although I do feel the pressure to figure out how the next piece fits to my puzzle. I am taking it day by day. Learning to lean not on my own understanding. Learning to be ok with not knowing what the future holds. I am growing ever so in love with the idea of exploring the open waters. Bear with me while I make a ton of metaphors! haha. Life is an open book. I am writing one sentence at a time. I don't have a writing prompt to drive the chapters to come other than letting them be written when they are known and the time is right. I am reminded time and time again about how this time of life is one that I will never have again. This season is a unique one. I am thankful to have so many wonderful people speaking life over me. So many people who have encouraged me. I am expectant and waiting. I am seizing open doors of possible opportunity. I am in this season and learning what it is all about as I go.

So I started writing this on my plane ride and then got to Texas and never finished. Go figure. This post is already long enough as it is so I may just end this one here. There's always something else to write but seeing as how I have already exhausted this post I will leave more thoughts for later ones.