A Beautiful Farewell

I feel as though my brain has been reeling with so many thoughts as this year is coming to it's close, and the next is only two hours away (1 hour for my friends on the east coast). A year ago today I was in Missouri packing up my bags in preparation to fly out New Years day to Virginia. I finished packing and spent the rest of the night watching the ball drop with a couple family members. Below is the photo that I posted on New Years day a year ago...a bit of foreshadowing you think? ;)

So I have decided to talk a little bit about the highlights of 2014 and some of the things that I learned as well as some things I am reflecting on. This may be a really honest post...but honestly what have I written in the past year that wasn't? 

Learned Lesson # 1 :: Be Honest With Myself

Oosh. So spending a year at home which would have been about 1/2 of 2014 definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on life. I had a lot of time to be in the now because there wasn't a next step to look to. I'm realizing how beautiful that time was and how therapeutic it was to just be in the present, not planning too far ahead and taking life as it came, daily. It gave me ample opportunity to get to know myself a little better and to be really honest with myself. I mean, think about it, life gets busy, and if you all know me, I am filling every minute of every day with something. When life gets busy we tend to neglect ourselves. I guess I hadn't really noticed how much I need "me" time until I recognized its importance in my life. I did a lot of writing this past year, a lot more than I had in a very long time. I hope to do even more writing and reflecting in the coming year. I want to be honest with myself because that's how I learn and grow.

Lesson Learned # 2 :: I Am A Verbal Processor & I Need To Learn To Love It

Accept it. Love it. Well....at least I have one of those things locked down. :] Girls talk a lot...and then there's Gabe and others like her who tend to run the same topic into the ground or what I have otherwise come to call it, word-vomit. I exhaust myself with talking. It happens. It's a real thing. I'm not just someone to talk because I like to hear myself talk or to talk about non-sense. When I verbally process it most always is about something that important to me. Well if I think back on a post from last January I talked about how I had coffee and lunch in VA with a bajillion people and they all just about asked the same questions...so...I processed, and I learned A LOT. I went back to Texas with new thoughts in my head and new songs in my heart. & I quote from me a year ago: "The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual." Well, past me, we are still on the same page there. Over the past year I have processed deserts and flowing streams, I have processed love and heart break, I have processed beginnings and endings, I have processed acceptance and letting go, and so so much more. I'm actually sitting here laughing to myself over the mixed memories that are flooding my mind right now. I'm still working on the loving the fact that I verbally process but accepting it is the first part and seeing what positives lie in the fact that it's a part of me. If you have lent an ear to me over the past year I am so thankful not only for someone to listen but for those who shared parts of my heart because those words. that's exactly what they are. 

        

 

 

To those who lent an ear

To those who heard my heart

To those who echoed back

I can't encompass enough words to say

 I'm thankful.

How ironic.

 

Lesson Learned # 3 :: Give Room For Growth

I learned quite a bit in this area. I realized how important it is in relationships to give room for the other person to grow. I have a whole blog post on the topic called Re-potting plants. People grow and change. I am not who I was yesterday and I don't plan to be the same tomorrow. I think not only did I learn about allowing others room to grow within my relationships now but a lot about how important it is for a healthy marriage. Along with giving others room to grow I also am learning to give myself room to grow. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to becoming stagnant or falling into falsehoods of who I have been in my past. Gotta make room for a new foundation. Gotta give way for new roots to take to fresh soil. 

Lesson Learned # 4 :: The Most Magical Adventures Arise When You Aren't Looking For Them

So a good friend of mine got engaged and was planning a wedding for January 4th 2014 (Happy Almost Anni Kack & Tay!) & I was invited to attend the wedding but also asked to be the weekend coordinator/director....so logically, off to Virginia I flew Jan 1st 2014. As you read above in my instagram post "Hopefully this is a foreshadowing of the rest of 2014." In this year I have flown to Virginia Beach for a wedding, drove to Oklahoma City for a wedding, worked and volunteered in Guatemala at a children's orphanage, drove to Tennessee for a much needed friendcation, flew to FL for family vacation, moved 1/2 way across the country to Virginia (again), traveled all over Maryland, Delaware, Virginia and New Jersey for my job and most recently got back from a trip to Iceland. Most all of these travels weren't planned far in advanced but the opportunities presented themselves and I chose to take advantage of them. It's kinda neat how each one of these adventures came to be. I would go in detail about them all but that would take quite a bit of time. This year has been full of travels and cultural experiences. I have loved life on the road and in the air. My thirst for exploring the world around me has turned into wanderlust. If 2014 held all of this I cannot wait to see what 2015 has in store. I'm realizing how important it is to experience this earth before I'm not here to see the majesties God has created. My heart longs to be outdoors amongst pathless forests, overgrown gardens and standing on the edge of mountaintops. So here's to dreaming and waiting to see what opportunities come my way.

Lesson Learned # 5 :: Desire Is Not Longing & It's Not Wrong

This is something I wrote about most recently called "Let's Do Life Together". There's something to be said about the differences between desire and longing. So if you haven't read that post from November it's all about doing life with someone. I feel as though "desire" is a more appropriate word to use when talking about having a significant other to experience and do life with than longing. Longing implies that one is discontent and wishing for something they do not possess. I would say that desire is an underlying feeling that doesn't always reflect feelings of discontent. If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it's about 2am eastern time and I am just about wiped but pushing through to finish this! I have questioned myself and found that I am desire-full but not longing for someone to share life with. I went aboooout...I'd say 21 years of my life, not really thinking much about sharing life with someone. Then desire set in and I questioned myself. Am I discontent with where I am? Am I going to become a girl who consumed by longing to be dating someone and longing to just get married? Bleh! No! I actually love where I am right now. I love the added freedoms that come with being single and the things I get to do because I have those freedoms. But this doesn't mean that I don't desire to share day to day life with someone. I am not a dater. I don't date. I've been out on a couple coffee dates here and there, a couple lunch dates, and even a dinner date was proposed, to which I said "let's just stick to lunch." Dinner is a whole different ball game people. haha. I'm not a fan of dating. I am a fan of best friends and falling in love. I am a fan of getting to know someone through sharing life with them. I want to take a walk together, read together, explore together, just be. I want to share so many things that I love and that are important to me with someone. I want to share the important people in my life with that person. I want to share in their life, their hopes, their dreams and greet challenges with them. All of these things and more I believe I mention in that blog, so I won't take any longer to get descriptive here. Anywho, I have come to learn that just because I desire to do life with someone doesn't mean I'm longing for it and just because I desire to share life with someone doesn't make it wrong. I am still waking up and doing life every day. I am still embracing the freedoms that come with being single. I am taking in every moment this Christmas with my family realizing that one day they won't JUST be mine but that I will share them and while that will be the best ever, I only get my family to myself, just like this, right now. This Christmas will never repeat itself. I get to sit on my grandpas lap and share beds with my sister and just enjoy my family as it is now, right now. Who knows what next year will bring. I will say I am more excited and anxious than ever to share my family with someone. I am so thankful for my family and extended family. This New Year I'm taking it all in because time flies and I want to take it all in and have the chance to appreciate and take hold of every moment I can.

So many lessons were learned but there you have just a few. I got a bit length on that last one but I'm pretty passionate about them all. In closing, it's been an exciting and unforgettable year full of so many surprises and blessings. Farewell my dear 2014 and the beauties that you were, hello 2015 and the beauties that you'll bring!

 

xoxo, gabrielle

"Let's do life together..."

The title of this post is a phrase that surfaces every so often in conversation with my girlfriends. Of course relationships is always a topic on the table and equally so the topic of what we are doing or not doing with our lives. Following shortly after that are conversations of how many of our friends are having babies or just adopted a new pet...for the record my house recently adopted two parakeets and a puppy border collie. Also, this week alone 3 people I know had babies and the pictures of these little ones and others of similar age are starting to hit my instafeed more frequently. What. Is. Life. haha

So back to the original intent of this post, this phrase, "let's do life together." I have a dear friend of mine who I spoke a lot about this phrase with over the past year. My dearest Ashley if you are out there reading this I miss you and we really should Skype soon! My dear friend of almost 10 years and I had many talks of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, life, and adventure. She loved my phrase "let's do life together" so much that back in April she made an image that she shared with me with those very words.

So this phrase came up last night once again when I was hanging out in my house with a big group of friends. One of the couches in my living room had all the married ladies sitting and talking and the topic of how they all met their significant others came up. Of course other girls in the room, myself included, are eating it all up. That's when my friend Jenny mentioned doing daily things with someone and how she just wants that. My mind immediately went back to that phrase, "let's do life together." So I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm not anxious to be. I'm not needing to "fill a void" or "become whole by finding my other half." & can we talk a minute about that phrase... YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON whether you are with someone or not. So many clichés, my oh my. I've never been one to long to be in a relationship. It doesn't bother me that I am single. This just isn't the time for me and that's perfectly alright because I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do when I need to do it. My first priority has been to secure a job. Check! My second priority is to set new roots in healthy soil here in Virginia Beach. There was a big reason I completely uprooted myself and moved to Texas thinking I would never be back in VB and I didn't see that until I got back to the 757 and realized that I get a fresh start in a familiar setting. This past year was a blink. I cannot believe that I spent an entire year at home and now Virginia Beach is my home. So I have been given an opportunity to pave a new foundation and so far although it's been crazy, it has been going well and I still feel like I am setting new roots and finding that healthy soil. I'm wanting to form healthy habits and make healthy choices in many different areas of my life. Some areas are receiving more attention than others and I'm working on fixing that but it's been good. I'm so thankful. I've noticed I manage my stress differently now (something I talked about in a previous post) and I've noticed that I'm making better decisions and more mature decisions. It's honestly saving me a lot of grief. I look back on my 4 years here while I was in school and I shake my head and laugh to myself at some of the things I remember about decisions I made and the things I learned and have learned since then. So good. Thank God.

Bah! Rabbit trail! I'm sorry. haha. So anyway, point being, I'm not searching for love, I'm not lost, I'm not lonely (most of the time ;) we all have our moments), I'm not uncomfortable being alone, I'm not desperate...but as I was telling my friend Kelsey: just because I'm not focused on dating, or getting engaged, or getting married, doesn't mean that the desire isn't there. My underlying desire is to "do life together" with someone. I simply want to build upon a friendship to a point where I can see myself spending time every day with that person as my best friend for the rest of my life. & that takes time! ohhh that takes time. So, no rush or anything. 

I just simply desire to sit in a coffee shop and share my day with someone. I want to spend time outdoors exploring with someone. I want to sit in a room curled up on a couch reading with someone. I want to watch clouds pass by and storms roll in with someone. I want to share my family with someone. I want to share traditions with someone. I want to laugh with someone and have inside jokes with someone. I want to make a fool of myself and cherish the way he teases me. I want to sit in silence with someone. I want to run errands with someone (weird, yeah I know). I want to cook and bake with someone and for someone. I want to get in the car and drive to destination unknown with someone. I want to share my friends with someone. I want to share so many beautiful moments with someone because I know they are ever changing and people are starting to go on and about their own lives. I want to encourage someone. I want to face life's challenges and hardships with someone. I want to be an advocate for someone. I want to surprise someone. I want to dote on someone. I want to be selfless with someone. I want to be vulnerable with someone. I want to pursue dreams with someone. I want to inspire someone. I want to stir someone to want to go deeper in faith and become closer to God. I want to love someone and love with my whole being. 

I may have already found myself in hard situations with friends in the past because I give so much of myself into relationships in general, that any significant hurt from those relationships resonate deep. Knowing this, I know that this love, whatever and whenever it may be, is going to be overwhelming. I'm excited and since this phrase is on my mind off and on over the past year and was recently back on the table I felt I wanted to write about it. So thanks for hanging in there if you've made it this far through all that ooey gooey gushy girl stuff above. I'm putting it out there. I'm being vulnerable with my readers and honestly being more vulnerable and real with myself. That's what all this writing has been about over the past year. I'm working on being honest about things and it all starts with being honest with myself.  

Good stuff. Till next time when I write about something not ooey gooey...

It's finally fall & wonderful things are coming!

Gratitude

Two posts in one day! Whoop! I honestly couldn't wait to write this one so that's why there are two posts in one day.

Let's start off with how this morning kinda went down. I have this bad habit of staying up till the wee hours of the morning so here I am at 1245 in the morning just laying down to catch some Zzz's when I decide it would be a good idea to check my email because I was expecting a reply from someone whom I had asked about meeting with that day. Well I check the email and find out that the person wants to meet before 8am and I'm like woahhh woahhh woahhh. Before 8am? That's a thing? I totally kidding but honestly I was a little frustrated that I didn't get the email until 1245 in the morning. Realizing I have to get up at 7am I lay down and of course of all nights my mind is reeling. I look back at my phone and its 2am. Poop. Really? Of all the nights I can't sleep it had to be this one? Alarm goes off at 7am and my body and mind didn't know what was going on. It's one of those moments when you honestly can't tell why there is noise and where it's coming from although you wake up to an alarm everyday today is different because you got less than 5 hours of sleep. Bleh. I get up and start the day a little frustrated till I get outside and its gloomy and immediately I am comforted. I put on some copeland and make the drive out to the meeting which I was late to. Afterwards I was sure I was going to head home and lay back down but I guess I felt a little inspired and romanced by "coffee" by copeland so I made my way to starbucks. The Starbucks near the college campus is super urbany and cozy, with edison bulbs and all. So I got myself some breakfast and a vanilla nonfat latte and sat down to read my bible app. I spent a couple hours there and then decided to head home to be productive and prepare for a phone conference I have coming up in less than an hour.

I get home and decide to do some more reading. This time out of my Altar Ego book by Craig Groeschel. I had left off the last time in the middle of a chapter on living with gratitude but it had been several weeks since I last read so I refreshed a bit and then finished the chapter. & Oh... muh gosh. On the second to last page I broke. Like, had to put the book down and grab a tissue because I couldn't contain the tears. Wanna know what that sentence was? ::: "Know that you have everything you need right now." --- So simple right? Yet, so profound. I think we focus a lot on God providing for here and now and future but we forget that we have what we need right now. Right now! Today he has given me my daily bread. Today he has provided me with the ears to hear my alarm go off and get me up to start the day. He has give me a car that's paid off and has gas in the tank and drives me to and from wherever I need to go, whenever. He provided the meeting this morning to connect me with people that will eventually help me to get clients to provide me with funds to pay for my trip to Guatemala. He has provided me with this computer and all my software to use to be able to work and be productive and work as a freelancer for the time being. He has provided me with a bed to sleep in that gave me the best rest I could have received in the 5 hours of sleep I did get. So many things. He provided me with ears to hear and to listen not only to people but to music. Thank God for music. I have everything I need right now yet I am so ungrateful and I am so shamed and humbled.

My frustration this morning with having to get up so early and not knowing till so late was totally unnecessary. So I think about today and how I have everything I need right now because it has been so graciously given and I am so unworthy. Then I begin to think about tomorrow and the further future and think about how the things of tomorrow or the further future that I have at those points may not be the same as the things that I need for today. Needful things constantly change in these seasons of life, and although I may want something right now because I feel that I need it doesn't mean that I will get it and doesn't mean that that Lord should give it. In His perfect timing. &&& the things that I have right now may not be what I have in the future. Any worldly thing could be taken from me at any point in time. Any person I hold dear could be taken at any point in time. I realize I am not showing my gratitude enough.

Craig said it pretty well in his book: "Have you ever gone to a lot of trouble to do something special for someone, but they barely acknowledge your effort? You planned. You saved. You prepared. You thought of every detail. You made everything just right. You worked like crazy to surprised someone, bless someone, honor someone. And they didn't say thank you. Of course you didn't do it to be rewarded, but an acknowledgment would have been nice.
Imagine how God feels when he gives us life, his love, his presence, his blessings, his Son. And we ignore him, continuing to do our own thing. Or perhaps we're a bit more gracious and give a polite token "thanks, God." ...Gratitude kills pride. Gratitude slays self-sufficiency. Gratitude crushes the spirit of entitlement." 

Shoot! Ok, go ahead Craig! So I think what really hit home for me in reading all of this is that I have all that I need right now. Right now, I have what I need. I have to keep telling myself this over and over. I have what I need right now. Looking towards the future its easy to forget the present and it is a present! haha Punny! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So here I am preparing for a trip to Guatemala in May (which I will talk about hopefully later this week) and I am realizing that although in the future I need to have raised $1000... right now... I have what I need. It's hard to think that way when we think about money because a lot of what we focus on with money is what we need for the future. Needing to pay bills, rent, mortgages, for food, clothes....camera equipment ::cough cough:: haha. If I can trust Him with today and that He has provided me with today what I need to make it till tomorrow then I am thankful and grateful. Perhaps with this I will continue to learn and grow in trusting Him and His future provisions.

Signing off, God Speed <><