Double Post Day? Say What?

Yes. That's right folks. Two posts in one day! Say it ain't so. But it is...so don't say that. Speaking of music, if you read my last post. You ever feel like you could just spend the afternoon or evening laying on the floor with music spinning. It's a very real way of feeling for me. I remember specifically 2 years ago on a warm Texas spring day processing some heartbreak. I will always love City & Colour for the way it fills me and helps me to process emotion. I opened my window, laid on my bed, stared up at my ceiling fan and processed specific parts of the previous 7 years. There was a lot of letting go. There were a lot of dead and dying dreams...hopes. Seasons were changing. They always were. It was a slow change but came to a significant climax. I'm thankful for the ability to process. A lot of my processing is no longer talking through pain but feeling through it, letting it go, and deciding to grow from it. Maybe it's this stormy tornado weather that has me feeling like I just need to go spin some vinyl, open my windows to smell the rain, and lay on my bed in silence. Sounds like a dream to me right now. 

Photo by Luke Rieke (February Snowpocalypse 2015)

South Africa Calls To Her

South Africa is calling her back. Or, it may just be that plane ticket she bought several months ago that is calling her to hop on board that plane. Around this time last year a spent the weekend in The Burg (Lynchburg) with my dear Jo. I will never forget the Saturday that we got to spend together that winter. We at mexican food and didn't mind when the waiters flirted with us even though they were probably just trying to get a good tip. We grabbed Starbies and took a little overcast drive to the Lynchburg airport. We sat there for quite a while watching the planes take off and land engaging in soul bearing conversation without distraction. The Come Away album by Jesus Culture will always remind me of that afternoon. I remember the way the air smelled and the peaceful gloom of the skies. I remember how real that moment felt. How we talked of the birthing of dreams. We talked about our similar and unique passions. We talked about faith and insecurity. The challenge presented with endless possibility. I remember how my heart sighed to be in fellowship with such a driven, passionate and faithful woman.

Since then, Jordan has taken on a new and exciting challenge. She's currently living in Plettenberg Bay in the Western Cape of South Africa. She has committed a year to living there to serve with a non-profit that is pioneering an orphanage, anti-trafficking work, and photography/videography communication. She has taken on a lot of responsibility and roles while being there and as a friend I could not be more proud of or excited for her. I am continually encouraged and inspired by her steps of faith as she surrenders and humbles herself in this adventure.

I had the privilege of seeing her while she was in the states when she came to visit Virginia Beach. We did what I think has sort of become a "thing" for us to do. Take a drive, park the car where we can overlook something and talk. No coffee this time but we had just made one bangin' breakfast. We sat in Norfolk overlooking the bay and caught up some more before we went back to my house and spent a good bit of time in the car and in my room getting into a little deeper discussion on life. I wish I could have spent so many more hours with her because I think we could have just kept talking. She's such a free spirit and one that you just want to be in the presence of. She's wise and understanding and shows her crazy a little bit here and there which I wholeheartedly jump in on. Don't you worry. We get a little weird. Haha.

All of this to day that South Africa has such a precious human residing in the cape. She is moving mountains...or...making waves. Whatever the metaphor, she's chasing not only a dream and a hearts desire but she's chasing the Lord, and I am so honored to know her.

Below is a little information on what she is doing in South Africa:

Colorado Dreamin // Part I

• Scribed while sitting at my kitchen table, window open, peppers and onions on the stove •

It is time. Basically I have found a blissful moment to sit down and write. I have had so much on my brain and not enough time in the day to sit down and write about it all. I'm back logged on blogging. Even now I am getting up every so often to toss my food veggies and then sit down to resume writing. It's beautifully gloomy outside. A bit humid, but I can handle it. The house is quite because everyone's gone and I'm not playing any music. Sometimes my brain needs a break. I can hear crickets outside my window, I can hear my fingers hitting the keys, and I can hear the popping of extra virgin olive oil in the pan. Now that I have introduced the scene I can get to the rest of this happy post.

"How was your trip?!" -- "How was Colorado?!" -- I'm sure Kelsey and I heard these two questions about a hundred times after our arrival back home. Last I spoke of Colorado I told you that we quickly bought the tickets and didn't look back. I also said that if I didn't write while I was out there that I would have plenty to share upon my return. So let's start from the beginning...

The night before we left for Colorado Kelsey and I celebrated a friend's birthday at a restaurant in Norfolk. Come to find out as we were leaving we both had barely started packing. We had a long night ahead of us. The morning of a friend's mom (whom I consider to be a spiritual mother to me) picked me up and dropped me off at the airport. The excitement grew as I walked up to my gate only to find that a good friend of mine (whom I also used to rock climb with) was at my gate as a gate attendant. We chatted about my newest adventure and then before long I boarded the plane and was up in the air. I think I slept only a bit before I landed in New Jersey to connect flights and meet up with Kelsey who was on an earlier departing flight than I was. My heart skipped a beat when we reunited in the concourse of Newark. We both hadn't had breakfast and she had so patiently waited for me so it was the first thing we did. As we sat over our breakfast sandwiches and coffee I asked her about what she felt, if anything, that this trip would be for her. Originally I had bought my plane ticket and then soon after Kelsey hopped on board, which I wouldn't have changed for anything. It was a refreshing moment. Thinking now on the fact that we were at our half way point towards our destination kinda symbolizes where we both find ourselves. I can still remember how it felt to sit there and hear her heart. That is my first cherished moment of the trip. We are both in transition. I said nothing of the blog post I had written the night before but as she kept talking there was more and more connection and commonality for us than I had realized. I eventually shared about my wanting to be expectant and not expecting and she agreed that's where she was as well. What a beautiful start to the trip and a moment I will remember as a budding part of our beginning friendship. 

So how about I leave you with that for now. There may be 20 parts to this tale of adventures west but I'm down for sharing them if you're down for some reading. If you're not, well then, I'm sorry, too bad, because I am sharing them anyway. You're welcome. ;) 

I'll leave you with a photo and believe me there are plenty more to come. I gotta scarf some food and hit the rock gym! 

Freely,

Gabrielle

Expectant Not Expecting

In a mere 24 hours I will have landed in the great state of Colorado for a much needed vacation getaway. I'm saying goodbye to Ol' Virginia for 8 days and hello to those beautiful Rocky Mountains. My heart starts to race just thinking about the majesty that I will behold. I will be staying with a dear sister-friend who is originally from right here in Virginia Beach. Just so happens that the week I threw out to her in hopes of my visit, with less than a months notice, is the only week she doesn't have anything she is committed to with her job. Can you say perfection? So I booked my ticket on July 3rd and didn't look back. Uncertainty is a funny thing. Sometimes the planner in me just has to make the leap, take the step, or make the drive half way across the country to realize although I didn't have it planned out, the Lord certainly did.

Why Colorado you may ask? Well, it helps that I have 5 friends who live out there already. But, other than having connections I felt the pull. I've been to Colorado 6 times growing up. Ski trips with the youth group and a couple times with my family for vacation and my dad's job related travel. The last time I was in Colorado was 2 years ago. I spent Christmas in a cabin with my family. I've only been during winter and fall so being there in the summer is going to be a treat!

I want to find myself humbled. I want to be overwhelmed by experiencing creation in it's rawest and purest form. I'm going back to The Garden. This is a concept I have talked about here before and it's one that I think I will always hold on to. As an artist we can find ourselves overstimulated and overwhelmed with creating. Well, I have something to add to that. As an artist sometimes I can find myself uninspired and seeking purpose. Getting back to "The Garden" is in a sense saying that as an artist, especially as a Christian, I desire to be reminded of why I create in the first place. Getting outside and experiencing creation at it's foundation can be rejuvenating, encouraging, motivating, and affirming. I'm looking forward to, in a sense, a week sabbatical.

So now I get to the point in the blog where I explain why I chose to title this post "Expectant Not Expecting." I'm going into this trip with an open mind and heart. I want to be expectant of great things during my time in Colorado and expectant of great things to come. What I do not want is to go in expecting certain selfish desires. I don't want to find myself expecting because if I try to plan out what I want to happen and it doesn't happen that way then I stressed myself out and put my heart in a place to be let down. This goes for the plans that are made for things I may do while I'm there and it goes for the way that the Lord is going to work on me while I am there. The only things I am expecting while I am there is to experience the Lord and His creation alongside my beautiful friends, That's it. I'm keeping it simple. I want to leave as much room as possible for the Lord to take control.

I hope to be sharing some of my time with you all here. I'll also be posting photos on my instagram and snapping some of my trip. If not, then I will have plenty to share when I return.

Freely, Gabrielle

& with that I leave you with this picture from my last vacation in Iceland

To Be Seen

"I've forgotten how to be photographed," I said. "...I think you've forgotten how to be seen..." she replied.

Jo I Miss Her So

Dearest Jordan, I don't know how exactly our friendship came to be.

Fate. I suppose it was. Regardless, my dear, you are an inspiration.

(Just a little reminder from January 2015)

"This weekend I took a trip some with friends to Lynchburg. While many of my friends took to the snowy mountains peaks to board I spent time exploring the burg with Jordan, attended my first hockey game, decided I like hockey, drank lots of coffee, took lots of pictures and enjoyed just kinda going with the flow of the weekend. Time spent in Lynchburg was therapeutic in a lot of ways. Although my body may be exhausted from staying up till 3 am and getting up at 9 am a couple times (way past my bedtime) it was well worth it. My heart and spirit are well rested and encouraged by talks of dreams, passions, faith, insecurities, strengths, growth and the ever exciting unknown full of endless possibility. My heart sighed a lot this weekend and reminded me that releasing control should be more of a constant in life."

Living Introverted When You're An Extrovert

So let's talk about how I spent the last 8 hours, almost 9, sitting at the bar of Cafe Moka... I came in alone and of course ran into more than a few people that I know. I spent the next hour and a half talking with them and then sat down to get some work done. I spent a bit of time writing to a friend in Oklahoma, and then began to work on some Love & Scissors Benefit Dinner tasks. I simply resorted to the same lifestyle I had when I was living in Texas. I made no plans for my day, woke up late, got ready, made breakfast, packed my bags and was out the door by noon. I spent 9 hours sitting at a coffee shop working on my computer and writing letters. Honestly, it was one of the better days I have spent alone since I moved back to Virginia Beach.

There's been a lot of talk around me recently about being extroverted or being introverted or being an outgoing introvert...and so I have been reflecting on where I am in life and where I fall amongst all of these. Part of me jokingly claimed over the past month that I was going to become an introvert so that I wouldn't feel bad about not having made plans with people in the evenings or on the weekends. I used to fill every ounce of spare time I had with something to do or someone to see. It's not too hard to do that here when I have friends from so many different places all in the same community. Well...today I think I realized that I have been choosing to live introverted when I very well know that I am an extrovert.

My job asks a lot from me socially. I am constantly meeting with students, relaying the same information, asking the same questions, answering the same questions, problem solving, answering phone calls, answering emails, going to meetings, etc. Not saying that most jobs aren't like that but recently all of this has been wearing on me in a sense of when I get home I don't want to chat I just want to embrace the silence and make a meal for myself and watch one of my shows. (I'm on a Parenthood/Downton Abbey kick right now.) My time of rest is precious. My time to veg out is necessary. Perhaps I only joked about becoming an introvert because subconsciously I missed those simplistic precious moments to myself.

Well today was full of some me time and although I only accomplished a couple things I feel good about it. I even stayed home from two invited outings which is really weird for me. Maybe it's just a part of growing up? I spent my evening working on some more Love & Scissors stuff but then got to sporadically skype one of my best girls in Colorado. Made my night. Simply the day was sweet. Simply I am thankful.

xoxo, Gabrielle

A Beautiful Farewell

I feel as though my brain has been reeling with so many thoughts as this year is coming to it's close, and the next is only two hours away (1 hour for my friends on the east coast). A year ago today I was in Missouri packing up my bags in preparation to fly out New Years day to Virginia. I finished packing and spent the rest of the night watching the ball drop with a couple family members. Below is the photo that I posted on New Years day a year ago...a bit of foreshadowing you think? ;)

So I have decided to talk a little bit about the highlights of 2014 and some of the things that I learned as well as some things I am reflecting on. This may be a really honest post...but honestly what have I written in the past year that wasn't? 

Learned Lesson # 1 :: Be Honest With Myself

Oosh. So spending a year at home which would have been about 1/2 of 2014 definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on life. I had a lot of time to be in the now because there wasn't a next step to look to. I'm realizing how beautiful that time was and how therapeutic it was to just be in the present, not planning too far ahead and taking life as it came, daily. It gave me ample opportunity to get to know myself a little better and to be really honest with myself. I mean, think about it, life gets busy, and if you all know me, I am filling every minute of every day with something. When life gets busy we tend to neglect ourselves. I guess I hadn't really noticed how much I need "me" time until I recognized its importance in my life. I did a lot of writing this past year, a lot more than I had in a very long time. I hope to do even more writing and reflecting in the coming year. I want to be honest with myself because that's how I learn and grow.

Lesson Learned # 2 :: I Am A Verbal Processor & I Need To Learn To Love It

Accept it. Love it. Well....at least I have one of those things locked down. :] Girls talk a lot...and then there's Gabe and others like her who tend to run the same topic into the ground or what I have otherwise come to call it, word-vomit. I exhaust myself with talking. It happens. It's a real thing. I'm not just someone to talk because I like to hear myself talk or to talk about non-sense. When I verbally process it most always is about something that important to me. Well if I think back on a post from last January I talked about how I had coffee and lunch in VA with a bajillion people and they all just about asked the same questions...so...I processed, and I learned A LOT. I went back to Texas with new thoughts in my head and new songs in my heart. & I quote from me a year ago: "The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual." Well, past me, we are still on the same page there. Over the past year I have processed deserts and flowing streams, I have processed love and heart break, I have processed beginnings and endings, I have processed acceptance and letting go, and so so much more. I'm actually sitting here laughing to myself over the mixed memories that are flooding my mind right now. I'm still working on the loving the fact that I verbally process but accepting it is the first part and seeing what positives lie in the fact that it's a part of me. If you have lent an ear to me over the past year I am so thankful not only for someone to listen but for those who shared parts of my heart because those words. that's exactly what they are. 

        

 

 

To those who lent an ear

To those who heard my heart

To those who echoed back

I can't encompass enough words to say

 I'm thankful.

How ironic.

 

Lesson Learned # 3 :: Give Room For Growth

I learned quite a bit in this area. I realized how important it is in relationships to give room for the other person to grow. I have a whole blog post on the topic called Re-potting plants. People grow and change. I am not who I was yesterday and I don't plan to be the same tomorrow. I think not only did I learn about allowing others room to grow within my relationships now but a lot about how important it is for a healthy marriage. Along with giving others room to grow I also am learning to give myself room to grow. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to becoming stagnant or falling into falsehoods of who I have been in my past. Gotta make room for a new foundation. Gotta give way for new roots to take to fresh soil. 

Lesson Learned # 4 :: The Most Magical Adventures Arise When You Aren't Looking For Them

So a good friend of mine got engaged and was planning a wedding for January 4th 2014 (Happy Almost Anni Kack & Tay!) & I was invited to attend the wedding but also asked to be the weekend coordinator/director....so logically, off to Virginia I flew Jan 1st 2014. As you read above in my instagram post "Hopefully this is a foreshadowing of the rest of 2014." In this year I have flown to Virginia Beach for a wedding, drove to Oklahoma City for a wedding, worked and volunteered in Guatemala at a children's orphanage, drove to Tennessee for a much needed friendcation, flew to FL for family vacation, moved 1/2 way across the country to Virginia (again), traveled all over Maryland, Delaware, Virginia and New Jersey for my job and most recently got back from a trip to Iceland. Most all of these travels weren't planned far in advanced but the opportunities presented themselves and I chose to take advantage of them. It's kinda neat how each one of these adventures came to be. I would go in detail about them all but that would take quite a bit of time. This year has been full of travels and cultural experiences. I have loved life on the road and in the air. My thirst for exploring the world around me has turned into wanderlust. If 2014 held all of this I cannot wait to see what 2015 has in store. I'm realizing how important it is to experience this earth before I'm not here to see the majesties God has created. My heart longs to be outdoors amongst pathless forests, overgrown gardens and standing on the edge of mountaintops. So here's to dreaming and waiting to see what opportunities come my way.

Lesson Learned # 5 :: Desire Is Not Longing & It's Not Wrong

This is something I wrote about most recently called "Let's Do Life Together". There's something to be said about the differences between desire and longing. So if you haven't read that post from November it's all about doing life with someone. I feel as though "desire" is a more appropriate word to use when talking about having a significant other to experience and do life with than longing. Longing implies that one is discontent and wishing for something they do not possess. I would say that desire is an underlying feeling that doesn't always reflect feelings of discontent. If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it's about 2am eastern time and I am just about wiped but pushing through to finish this! I have questioned myself and found that I am desire-full but not longing for someone to share life with. I went aboooout...I'd say 21 years of my life, not really thinking much about sharing life with someone. Then desire set in and I questioned myself. Am I discontent with where I am? Am I going to become a girl who consumed by longing to be dating someone and longing to just get married? Bleh! No! I actually love where I am right now. I love the added freedoms that come with being single and the things I get to do because I have those freedoms. But this doesn't mean that I don't desire to share day to day life with someone. I am not a dater. I don't date. I've been out on a couple coffee dates here and there, a couple lunch dates, and even a dinner date was proposed, to which I said "let's just stick to lunch." Dinner is a whole different ball game people. haha. I'm not a fan of dating. I am a fan of best friends and falling in love. I am a fan of getting to know someone through sharing life with them. I want to take a walk together, read together, explore together, just be. I want to share so many things that I love and that are important to me with someone. I want to share the important people in my life with that person. I want to share in their life, their hopes, their dreams and greet challenges with them. All of these things and more I believe I mention in that blog, so I won't take any longer to get descriptive here. Anywho, I have come to learn that just because I desire to do life with someone doesn't mean I'm longing for it and just because I desire to share life with someone doesn't make it wrong. I am still waking up and doing life every day. I am still embracing the freedoms that come with being single. I am taking in every moment this Christmas with my family realizing that one day they won't JUST be mine but that I will share them and while that will be the best ever, I only get my family to myself, just like this, right now. This Christmas will never repeat itself. I get to sit on my grandpas lap and share beds with my sister and just enjoy my family as it is now, right now. Who knows what next year will bring. I will say I am more excited and anxious than ever to share my family with someone. I am so thankful for my family and extended family. This New Year I'm taking it all in because time flies and I want to take it all in and have the chance to appreciate and take hold of every moment I can.

So many lessons were learned but there you have just a few. I got a bit length on that last one but I'm pretty passionate about them all. In closing, it's been an exciting and unforgettable year full of so many surprises and blessings. Farewell my dear 2014 and the beauties that you were, hello 2015 and the beauties that you'll bring!

 

xoxo, gabrielle