Dream A Little ... Dream A Lot

I'll just put it out there right off the bat – I think I've been given way too many dreams for this short little life I will live. I could give you an on-going list of dreams, but I don't think that is what this post is for.

My dream is to live. My dream is to cast visions without limitation. My dream is to take action. My dream is to do my best to live purposefully and not out of reaction. My dream is to find community everywhere I go. My dream is to know who I am. My dream is to know who God is. All of these things make up the dry mix of a beautiful cake with many layers and detail.

Photo Property of Oh Honey Bakes [@ohhoneybakes]

A new friend of mine recently asked me, "If you could ask any question other than the typical small talk questions...what would ask?" The answer I gave him was that of a question I have been asked many times over the past several years: "If you had no limitations...if money, time, and all of those details were of no consequence or worry...what would you do? What would be the dream?" A persons answer to this question can say a lot about them. This summer, I was stumped as this question was asked of me. Honestly...I had put dreaming aside in 2009. "What's practical? What does "the reality" of being an adult tell me is possible?" Stupid. We weren't created to settle. We weren't created to dream and then set those dreams on fire and cast the ashes out on seas of impossibility. Whether it's a simple dream, or an extravagant one, they all have worth, they all have purpose.

Dreaming doesn't end here in the early stages of life. I pray, dear Lord, that I dream until the day I die. I pray that in every new season a new dream emerges. So this week, I've added one to the lot. This is one of those dreams that I'm not so sure about. It's one that I'm not quite sure on how it fits into this timeline of mine. If I were to write down all of my dreams you would be sure to find themes and threads. Some of these would make sense to slap down on a storyboard, but then others seem a bit disjointed. Granted, these dreams are from many different seasons and walks of life. So of course the dream of 10 year old me may not exactly coincide with the later dream of 20 year old me. Dreams take shape. Dreams come and dreams go. Dreams give purpose and motivate us to make the most of the one life we've been given.

Photo Courtesy of Noah Shaffer [@that.barefoot.dude]

Seems that this age I am living is prime dreaming time. It's a time of exploration. It's a time of question. It's a time of seeking answers and making choices. It's a time when the world seems to be an open book. That is...this age can be ALL of that...if I...or if you, let it. So dream a little or dream a lot, but I encourage the latter. Don't become overwhelmed when you do and dreams continue to be birthed like bunnies in springtime.

& with that, I leave you with the following to chew on:

Perhaps the purpose of dreaming is not to run after every dream, but to condition our minds and our spirits to be active in dreaming. You'll know which ones to chase, and I hope you will.

Self Portrait Captured By Kelli Marie 

Dreaming the Dreamers Dream,

Gabrielle

Back Seat Reflections

I’ve expressed before how I often times surprise myself with the wisdom that comes out of my mouth. A lot of times this happens when I am sitting down with a friend or my mentee and I am looking to encourage them or I’m asked to give my opinion on something. I came slumping into this current week off of the last week where I was left pretty emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. This past Saturday provided me with the opportunity to go to therapy…aka I got to hit the road to South Florida for 5 days. Travel may not always be cheaper than therapy, but for me it certainly seems to do the trick; and I quite enjoy getting to hit the road rather than laying on a fainting couch amidst all the junk I may be working through. I’m not running from problems but putting some space between myself and the place that often is associated with them. 

Usually I am on the road by myself and I have found that most of my travels provide me with the opportunity to gain a greater perspective on where I am in life and my spiritual walk. This time I hit the road with 4 of my co-workers for a conference in West Palm Beach, Florida. And the angel chorus sang. I had my hand at the wheel a couple times and then spent most of it as a passenger passing the time. I write to you from the backseat of a 7 passenger mini van, cruising 95N through North Carolina. The sky is a bit heavy in places and the trees line the left side of the highway as pastures line the right. I simply adore my time on the road, it’s the place where I can remember doing most of my daydreaming as a child. I wish it would rain so I could race raindrops down my window as I once did. 

I spent most of my time Sunday through Wednesday in sessions for work learning more about my place in higher education as an Christian Enrollment Counselor. I took the teachings as things that I could of course apply to my current work but also saw opportunity to take from these sessions tools and learns that I could use in the future for whatever I end up doing with my life. In my spare time I did some reading. I honestly wish working everyday was broken up into more than two parts of the day, before lunch, and after lunch. I think breaking up the day into sessions would make me a bit more productive and then maybe I could even suggest breaks for tea and coffee and maybe a good 30 minutes break for pleasure reading. Something to break up the monotonous schedule that is working in an office 8 to 5. 

I hit a break-through moment on Tuesday just around dinner time. After my last session of the day I gave my girl Kadi a call because I would be meeting up with her in Savannah, Georgia as we made our trek back to Virginia Beach. As we were catching up over the phone I told her that I felt like I was under some serious spiritual attack last week. (Side-note: Just got the most glorious whiff of burning brush…one of my favorite things). We talked more in depth about it but I will just skip to the conclusion I came to with the help of this beautiful friend of mine. I hadn’t given permission or space for failure in a certain area of my life. The usual assumption is for anything you want to be successful you need complete control or as much as possible to see that whatever it is becomes a success. If you are unsure of something wouldn’t you want to have as much control over it and it’s influencers as possible? Well, the hard part is when you try to control something that you can’t. This causes major anxiety because there’s no formula, there aren’t any guides or step by step instructions to guide you along. The unexpected will happen. It must. There’s no way to be fully prepared, and like I said in my last post, I wouldn’t want to live a life fully prepared. 

So here I am in the midst of the revelation that all of my anxieties I had were because I was trying to figure out how to fix something that’s not broken, prevent things I cannot foresee, mend the past when it’s long gone, or control something that is doing just fine on it’s own. BOOM. What. Yeah. Anxiety can influence one to take control, and it can become a result of the attempt. It’s pretty much something I think we all deal with at one point or another. This rings especially true for all those detail oriented and planning people out there. You know who you are. I know I am. Sometimes planning and details can get in the way of faith and I have definitely been challenged in this over the years. I have a pretty good grasp on not being able to control the future that is a year down the road or more but have more of that struggle of control over the present and closer future. Again, it all comes back to opportunity. This time, I’m sitting down to document my failure to fix, prevent, mend, and control which in turn will lead to stronger faith. I think I would rather have a faith that is stronger than my own control. 

Living Introverted When You're An Extrovert

So let's talk about how I spent the last 8 hours, almost 9, sitting at the bar of Cafe Moka... I came in alone and of course ran into more than a few people that I know. I spent the next hour and a half talking with them and then sat down to get some work done. I spent a bit of time writing to a friend in Oklahoma, and then began to work on some Love & Scissors Benefit Dinner tasks. I simply resorted to the same lifestyle I had when I was living in Texas. I made no plans for my day, woke up late, got ready, made breakfast, packed my bags and was out the door by noon. I spent 9 hours sitting at a coffee shop working on my computer and writing letters. Honestly, it was one of the better days I have spent alone since I moved back to Virginia Beach.

There's been a lot of talk around me recently about being extroverted or being introverted or being an outgoing introvert...and so I have been reflecting on where I am in life and where I fall amongst all of these. Part of me jokingly claimed over the past month that I was going to become an introvert so that I wouldn't feel bad about not having made plans with people in the evenings or on the weekends. I used to fill every ounce of spare time I had with something to do or someone to see. It's not too hard to do that here when I have friends from so many different places all in the same community. Well...today I think I realized that I have been choosing to live introverted when I very well know that I am an extrovert.

My job asks a lot from me socially. I am constantly meeting with students, relaying the same information, asking the same questions, answering the same questions, problem solving, answering phone calls, answering emails, going to meetings, etc. Not saying that most jobs aren't like that but recently all of this has been wearing on me in a sense of when I get home I don't want to chat I just want to embrace the silence and make a meal for myself and watch one of my shows. (I'm on a Parenthood/Downton Abbey kick right now.) My time of rest is precious. My time to veg out is necessary. Perhaps I only joked about becoming an introvert because subconsciously I missed those simplistic precious moments to myself.

Well today was full of some me time and although I only accomplished a couple things I feel good about it. I even stayed home from two invited outings which is really weird for me. Maybe it's just a part of growing up? I spent my evening working on some more Love & Scissors stuff but then got to sporadically skype one of my best girls in Colorado. Made my night. Simply the day was sweet. Simply I am thankful.

xoxo, Gabrielle

Not A Valentines Post

Well my friends it's February. I guess I've missed a month of blogging but that doesn't mean I can't start now! So here we go. At least two posts a month. That's my goal. Keep me accountable will ya? ;)

Here's a little dose of what has been on my mind lately. I'm doing some re-evaluating of my time and how I am spending it and where I am spending it and why. Something that I have been trying to be better at is being intentional with people. I'm not sure that I shared that here in my blog at any point in past months, so, if I haven't, basically I have been wanting to not only say I am going to do something but also follow through on those things. A lot of it comes down to my relationships. I don't want to just say that I would like to get coffee with you but I am going to say it and mean it. It can become hard when you walk into a local shop here in Virginia Beach so close to the university I not only attended, but also now work full time at ,because I am bound to see not only one person I know but probably a couple. So basically I am expanding my being intentional with people to also being intentional with my time. 

So what's that look like? Well, I have my absolutes that I am needing to focus on first and then build on those from there. Last semester I dove in head first to my job, small groups, church, and extra curriculars. Let's just say that it was a lot. Especially after spending most days by myself in Texas over the past year. That year went quick. 7 months of being back in Virginia Beach has gone quick. Life is speeding up I swear. So my absolutes are as follows: 

• Personal with the Lord - Daily Manna. Plain and simple. Not saying that time with the Lord is plain and simple. You get what I mean. :) It's an area that needs some work in my life since I moved back to Virginia. It was so easy being home, waking up at 930am and starting my day with the Lord. Now with a full time job and other responsibilities it's a bit harder and so I'm learning. Not failing. Learning, growing, and challenging myself in this new season. 

• Wednesday nights I go to a discipleship group called "Love Feast" - So this group is a group I attended last semester and that's how I met my mentee! (no not manatee) I really get to glean a lot from Sara who is a friend of mine who leads the group and her husband Mike (also a friend of mine) who is a part of my "family group." I feel like a mentor or someone to look up to within my family which is kind of neat. It also makes me more aware that I am being watched. I think it's a really good environment for me to be in. 

• Friday nights I meet with a group of artists called "The Gathering" - I just started attending recently but really they have only been meeting for a little over a month so I haven't missed out on much. Many of the members couldn't believe that I just started attending because they could have sworn I was around when it all started up. I feel at home with these creative and inspirational souls.

• I am a mentor to a 18 year old girl in undergrad who is the absolute sweetest. We meet sometime throughout every week depending on our schedules. I think I am doing just as much learning and growing as she is in our meetings together. The Lord continues to surprise me with the little nuggets of wisdom that come from my mouth. Sometimes it's just what I need to hear as well. I cannot tell you how much I love pouring out and into her life and being of encouragement to her. 

• Sunday's I have church - This is another area where I am looking at where I need to be. I have been attending the same church I went to as a student and for some reason in the past month I have felt like I need to start visiting elsewhere. We will see what comes of this in time.

•  Work Monday through Friday - Of course this is an absolute that takes up quite a bit of my life. 40+ hours of my week to be exact.

• Love & Scissors - If you know me well you know that I am a part of a non-profit called Love & Scissors which is an anti-human trafficking organization that I do administrative, marketing, and event planning work for. I just recently became committed as more than just a volunteer which is very exciting. Big things are coming and we are spending some time dreaming which is always exciting. 

 So with those being my absolutes I am accounting for all the rest of my time which is precious since it isn't much. The rest of my time is spent being intentional with people and taking time to myself. I am needing more introverted moments. More time to myself to write, read, create, and dream. Sweet moments where I come home, make dinner, cuddle up in bed and watch an episode of Parenthood...because I can. More moments of getting off work to make my way to Cafe Moka to drink tea and read or write or knit. Peaceful moments. So good for my spirit. So needed. 

All of this writing, perhaps too much, to say that I am re-evaluating how I spend my time. I want to spend it wisely and to spend it in a manner that has me coming away inspired, or refreshed, or at rest, or excited. You get the idea. 

I suppose that's it for now. Just a long list of things. Nothing to significant or ground breaking. Just a little bit of life. 

 

Here's me // Happy Valentines Day

If you expected there to be some sort of irony in regards to my title of this post...sorrynotsorry. hahaha 

I Breathe You In

I Breathe You In, God - Katie Torwalt

I heard this song for the first time today as I was reading and had to stop to take note of what song it was. When I left Virginia in August I knew I was going home for several practical reasons but not fully understanding what the future months would hold. So of course I get home and start looking for a job. If you've been following along with this blog or if I have talked with you in person about the past 6 almost 7 months, you know that I have been learning little by little the true reasons for my being home during these past months. Of course I am looking for a job, but I am also growing in my relationships with my family members. I am trying to form healthy habits like spending every morning with the Lord. I am conquering personal hurdles and hinderances to my own growth as a woman. (that's actually really weird for me to write because a lot of times I still feel like I don't fit the womanly high heels yet...figuratively speaking of course). 

So although I am continually seeing the meaning and purpose behind these months I am still left with not understanding. It's one of those times where you have to leave the season you are in and step into a new one to fully look back and see what in the world was going on. I love looking back on the things I learned and how I grew and what the Lord has done during a certain season of my life, but it's always hard to see where things are going till you get there. Yay faith!! 

I'm pretty content with knowing that I don't know, that I don't have any understanding of what will come next, but even in saying that, I am doing my best to seek Him and His plans and to know His will. I could try to guess what's coming but God will probably surprise me. He has already surprised me with so many beautiful things: reuniting me with old friends, becoming friends with my sister, growing closer with my momma, being able to spend quality time with my dad, being a bridesmaid in two of my best friend's weddings, planning a very dear Virginia friends wedding and spending time with many of my dearest friends out in the 757, a random trip to Florida for spring break, growing my relationships with friends who are off an married (this is a HUGE thing!! most girl-friends disappear after they get married - you know I'm right) haha. Anyway, lots of things! Beautiful things! Unknown things that came to be. 

Just a little word vomit for you concerning a song that grabbed my attention today. I have pictures and words coming soon from my random last minute trip out to Florida!!! Check in later!!

// February Adventures

Back in February I had a visitor from the big apple make her way to see me in little ol' Texas. One of my dearest friends, Juliette, flew down and spent 8 days with me. The original plan was to have her come down and spend 5 days, two of those days would have been days she would be traveling her and back. Well mother nature, and mr. frost had different ideas and I am so glad that they did. For an entire 8 days I had the pleasure of her company. By the end of her time here it felt like she lived in the guest bedroom. Every morning we woke up and ate the cinnamon rolls that I had made from scratch. Every day was a new adventure. We galavanted around Austin, San Antonio, and the area where I live. We ate too many sweets and partook in watching many movies. We had long talks and just simply enjoyed being with each other. It was so refreshing to talk with her about life and love and all things girly because we are in very similar seasons. So I wanted to share some photos from our adventures here as a tribute to the wonderful memories we made. Her trip out here meant the world to me, one of my major love languages is quality time and Lord only knows how much I needed that time spent with her. God is so good for providing the opportunity for us both.