Just A Quick Little Morning Jot

There's a lot around here in my life that's movin' and groovin'. Thankfully travel season is pretty much over for anything farther than local cities! My last trip to Baltimore was wonderful. A good wrapping up of the season for sure. It seems as though with the change of the weather comes life with it's own changes and beginnings. This morning is was the coldest morning we have had here yet in the good ol' 757. A crisp 34 degrees. My housemate and I started a new morning routine which puts us up before the sun at 6 a.m. The great thing is that I feel so productive and alive! Let's hope I feel that way next week. Other exciting things are on the horizon as it comes to things that are movin' in life. From wedding coordinating, to justice creative initiative projects, to meetings with my beautiful mentee, to progressing in my rock climbing, to bridesmaid responsibilities for a wedding in the Midwest, to all my little creative side projects and future planning... More details in months to come. Oh!! And I get a bed this week!! Exciting adulting things. Guys, I just can't wait to sleep in it...or maybe jump on it. Ya know. Break it in.

This is a brief update on just general life things. It may not seem like much but it's all filling me up. I feel alive. I feel like myself which is a beautiful thing. I'm going to keep writing about Storyline but I gotta take care of a few things before I do. Especially since I'm still doing my own personal processing.

For now, I leave you with this. Morning's deserve a little inspiration & beauty.

- - Sweetly - -

Gabrielle

The Start of Something Small

Click The Image Above To Be Directed To Vimeo

••• Monday was not my typical day of the week. I made plans with two of my beautiful soul sisters for the day. Monday rolled around and one of them became sick so my dear friend Ashley and I decided to embrace the day together. Coffee seemed to be the best way to kick off the day so we found ourselves at Cafe Stella in Norfolk. We talked of many things. She's an inspiration.

••• This time of fellowship was a bit different for me in-particular. "I've been struggling to be social. I usually have questions after question to ask. I'm not doing well with small talk. The thought of going out and being among groups of friends and other people is overwhelming," I apologized. "Welcome to my everyday life." She replied. What do you do with an extrovert or a verbal processor who doesn't want to be surrounded by people or talk. I've been asked and have asked myself recently if this is just a season of being introverted or if I really am an introvert. I reevaluated myself and whereas a few years ago it was pretty much obvious that I was an extrovert, now, I have a moderate preference of extroversion over introversion. I have a theory about why I think there has been a recent change in my preference.

••• The past two years I have been learning how to be alone...how to be on my own. I moved to Texas where I didn't have any friends and spent most of my time by myself. Coffee shops, my books, my computer, my camera and myself. I then transitioned back into a community here in Virginia and started a job where I spend about 65% of my time by myself. I am alone in my cubicle. I am alone as I travel on the road. At first, being alone really bothered me but that's when I chose to take control of what I could to make my time by myself special. I'd start my days in Texas by opening up the window (if it wasn't a bajillion degrees outside), I'd read, write a little, make a good breakfast, pour a chemex of coffee into my tea cup and embrace the day around noon. On the road I plan my days so that I can visit new restaurants and local coffee shops. I find a museum to venture around or take an 8 mile hike by myself...I know, I know, not safe. But, I only did that one time and it was glorious.

••• All of that to say I am an extrovert that is leaning more towards being introverted over the past month. The past year has been a lot of investing. Investing time in people. Investing time in work. Investing time in activities. Investing time in art. Investing time in students. Investing time in travel. Lots and lots of investing. I'm needing a bit of a recharge I guess you could say. In less than a week I leave for some much needed vacation. Colorado is calling my heart and I must follow it. I'll be heading out to the Rocky Mountains for 6 days. I'm not making many plans but I am expectant of good talks, and silence, long walks and hikes, climbing whatever I can climb, chasing sunsets and sunrises, coffee and good food, culture, and a full range of emotions...because when girl-friends get together and when you're experiencing the Lord and His majesty...it happens. I'm looking forward to filling up with the Lord. I'll definitely be asking a lot of questions and perhaps I will receive some answers.

••• I'll be trying to write a bit while I am out there. I'll definitely be uploading some photos to my instagram & snapchat but other than that I'm going to cut out a lot of other communicative mediums. I'm cutting ties with Virginia for 6 days. So now that I have overwhelmed this post with verbiage to get to something I really wanted to share. True Confession: I haven't filmed anything intentional in over a year. Quite honestly I can't believe that this year has gone by as quickly as it has. If you had asked me as I was driving half way across the country I never could have told you what things would leave their impression on my life 12 months down the road. (pun not intended). In almost exactly a month I will look back and see the purpose in many things, and for the others I will continue forward, expectant of great purpose to come. This clip is a beginning. It's a start. Perhaps my time with Ashley was just what I needed to get started in making the thought a reality. This is my way of sharing what I love, what I find beautiful, what captivates me, what resonates. It's my way of sharing life. My mini venture with Ashley was one of inspiration, observation, and being. In future, I hope to share more moments of "doing life." Here's to the start. Even if it's a small one. 

Freely, Gabrielle

To Be Seen

"I've forgotten how to be photographed," I said. "...I think you've forgotten how to be seen..." she replied.

Back Seat Reflections

I’ve expressed before how I often times surprise myself with the wisdom that comes out of my mouth. A lot of times this happens when I am sitting down with a friend or my mentee and I am looking to encourage them or I’m asked to give my opinion on something. I came slumping into this current week off of the last week where I was left pretty emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. This past Saturday provided me with the opportunity to go to therapy…aka I got to hit the road to South Florida for 5 days. Travel may not always be cheaper than therapy, but for me it certainly seems to do the trick; and I quite enjoy getting to hit the road rather than laying on a fainting couch amidst all the junk I may be working through. I’m not running from problems but putting some space between myself and the place that often is associated with them. 

Usually I am on the road by myself and I have found that most of my travels provide me with the opportunity to gain a greater perspective on where I am in life and my spiritual walk. This time I hit the road with 4 of my co-workers for a conference in West Palm Beach, Florida. And the angel chorus sang. I had my hand at the wheel a couple times and then spent most of it as a passenger passing the time. I write to you from the backseat of a 7 passenger mini van, cruising 95N through North Carolina. The sky is a bit heavy in places and the trees line the left side of the highway as pastures line the right. I simply adore my time on the road, it’s the place where I can remember doing most of my daydreaming as a child. I wish it would rain so I could race raindrops down my window as I once did. 

I spent most of my time Sunday through Wednesday in sessions for work learning more about my place in higher education as an Christian Enrollment Counselor. I took the teachings as things that I could of course apply to my current work but also saw opportunity to take from these sessions tools and learns that I could use in the future for whatever I end up doing with my life. In my spare time I did some reading. I honestly wish working everyday was broken up into more than two parts of the day, before lunch, and after lunch. I think breaking up the day into sessions would make me a bit more productive and then maybe I could even suggest breaks for tea and coffee and maybe a good 30 minutes break for pleasure reading. Something to break up the monotonous schedule that is working in an office 8 to 5. 

I hit a break-through moment on Tuesday just around dinner time. After my last session of the day I gave my girl Kadi a call because I would be meeting up with her in Savannah, Georgia as we made our trek back to Virginia Beach. As we were catching up over the phone I told her that I felt like I was under some serious spiritual attack last week. (Side-note: Just got the most glorious whiff of burning brush…one of my favorite things). We talked more in depth about it but I will just skip to the conclusion I came to with the help of this beautiful friend of mine. I hadn’t given permission or space for failure in a certain area of my life. The usual assumption is for anything you want to be successful you need complete control or as much as possible to see that whatever it is becomes a success. If you are unsure of something wouldn’t you want to have as much control over it and it’s influencers as possible? Well, the hard part is when you try to control something that you can’t. This causes major anxiety because there’s no formula, there aren’t any guides or step by step instructions to guide you along. The unexpected will happen. It must. There’s no way to be fully prepared, and like I said in my last post, I wouldn’t want to live a life fully prepared. 

So here I am in the midst of the revelation that all of my anxieties I had were because I was trying to figure out how to fix something that’s not broken, prevent things I cannot foresee, mend the past when it’s long gone, or control something that is doing just fine on it’s own. BOOM. What. Yeah. Anxiety can influence one to take control, and it can become a result of the attempt. It’s pretty much something I think we all deal with at one point or another. This rings especially true for all those detail oriented and planning people out there. You know who you are. I know I am. Sometimes planning and details can get in the way of faith and I have definitely been challenged in this over the years. I have a pretty good grasp on not being able to control the future that is a year down the road or more but have more of that struggle of control over the present and closer future. Again, it all comes back to opportunity. This time, I’m sitting down to document my failure to fix, prevent, mend, and control which in turn will lead to stronger faith. I think I would rather have a faith that is stronger than my own control. 

Wars Waged Within

Let's be honest...or in this case, let me be honest. The past two days were pretty heavy. Isn't it funny that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, when you start to come into realization of your freedom that's when something comes along to threaten it. Anxiety. Stress. Lies. They can be suffocating. I've heard it said before and was reminded this past week that "anxiety is selfish." I can see that. I can see where anxiety is an inward reflection on inner turmoil. It's a reflection on self and one's problems and or stressors. For myself and many others like me it is a battle of faith, it's a battle of trust. Anxiety is a battle. It's a war waged with yourself. But, I don't have to go into this battle alone. The flesh is weak which is why it's so easy to succumb to these things. I think most of my day yesterday was spent waging a spiritual battle of the heart and mind. The beautiful thing is that I am given the opportunity to make a decision. Heck! It's my very being! I made the decision to fight the battle rather than dwell in it. But, just because I decided to rise to the challenge doesn't mean everything changed all at once. It actually got harder when I chose to face it head on. There were points of weakness, points of breaking, and points of strength. Ultimately I know that because I have put my faith not in my own abilities but the Lord's strength to bring me through I know that I have come out on the other side and you know what...I. am. exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, and physically I am tired. Even though it has taken much energy out of me, and even though it's hard, I am called to face these challenges head on so that I can become stronger. I am learning. I am growing. It never ceases and thank the Lord that it doesn't! Peace has so much more value and beauty in my life because of the challenges I have faced and because of how I have seen the Lord redeem me from trial after trial. I don't have to live a life consumed. I choose to thrive, to grow vigorously and flourish! If that means that I undergo some pressure, if that means that I experience the process of refinement which makes things a bit uncomfortable then I am thankful still. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and to gain wisdom and ultimately come more into likeness of the Lord. A constant work in progress. That's what I am. I think I would be lost without something to strive for. I'm seeing these moments as opportunities and ultimately I know I will see the Lord's purpose in them. 

Elysian

 

I am embarking on this journey of beauty and creativity. I am longing to be divinely inspired and to be overtaken by perfect peace. If anyone asked me after the new year what my new year resolution was I told them I had not made one. I do however have certain things that I am wanting to focus on, or meditate on, or act upon. One of the main things I talked about was my desire to remain inspired. Now, this inspiration could come from just about anywhere. I find inspiration in the conversations I have with people, in the sermons I listen to, in the books that I read, in the scriptures that I meditate on, in my dreams, and out amongst nature. This morning I want to write about how nature inspires me, we shall see if I can even begin to touch on this expansive subject.

I don't remember if I have already shared what I am about to share but if not, I must, because I am sure to reference to it in the future. In past, when I have become overwhelmed in my own thoughts or I have bottled up anxieties or if I have felt that I need a dose of inspiration I take to nature. There's a sort of raw inspiration that comes from being amongst the most natural things on this earth. As one of my professors expressed in my 2012 Theatre Capstone class: "Artist's long to get back to the Garden of Eden." This has stuck with me since then because back in 2012 was when I first started to realize how important it is for me to be out amongst nature. Thankfully Virginia is a perfect state to provide me with both the beach and the mountains and the pastures and the forests. There's something about getting back to where creativity first began.  The creation of creativity...inception? I mean think about it. I just got this image of man kind being created first before light and before the world. It's funny for me to think about Adam just kinda being without anything else. Anything else. No gravity. No air. No light. Nothing. Then I can see creation happening and ohhhh man how Adam would have probably flipped his lid. But, back to thinking on how things really first came to be...

The heavens were created and the earth. I'm thinking that it was probably a precious moment between the Lord and His creation in those first few days. I mean, think about it...the natural beauties around us worship Him...

"The heavens declare the glory of God,
    and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." - Psalm 19:1

"All the earth worships you
    and sings praises to you;
    they sing praises to your name.” Selah" - Psalm 66:4

"And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying,

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!"" - Revelation 5:13

"...⁴ Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth;
    break forth into joyous song and sing praises!
⁵ Sing praises to the Lord with the lyre,
    with the lyre and the sound of melody!
⁶ With trumpets and the sound of the horn
    make a joyful noise before the King, the Lord!

⁷ Let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
    the world and those who dwell in it!
⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands;
    let the hills sing for joy together..." - Psalm 98:4-8

All of this to say that the earth is precious and the closest tangible, most pure thing I can experience on this earth. There's a sort of heart-sigh that I experience amongst nature. Something that calms me, and inspires me. My spirit rests at the sight of a mountainscape. My eyes are captivated by the details I observe. My heart yearns for more. I had a little dose of this two days ago as I was driving through Blue Ridge Parkway. I only wished someone else was driving so that I could let my eyes wander the ridge-lines of the horizon. I am romanced. 

I can feel it in my deepest of self when I know I need an escape to nature. It's those moments when I need all the space around me to release what I have been holding in. It's those moments where I feel so uninspired that it begins to tear at my creative spirit. It's those moments when I just need a little dose of peace amongst the hectic schedule I keep. 

I was one of those kids that instead of playing on the playground I sat in the middle of the field and picked clovers. I would lay in my driveway and watch the clouds pass by...one time I lost my lion king balloon as I was laying in the driveway and was so distraught...as you can see by my still remembering...it was a traumatic experience for me. I was 5. haha. I was the kid who hung out in the tree-like bushes because I was so small I could sit for hours in their limbs. I observed everything around me down to the smallest detail. 

Remaining inspired is important to me because I live in a busy world with task lists, and schedules to keep, and rent to pay. My desire is to remain inspired so that my artistic spirit continues to live. 

xoxo, Gabrielle

 

 *next time: I think I will write a bit about my experience in Roanoke + about the creative arts group I attend on Friday nights!!! Oh How Exciting!

A Beautiful Farewell

I feel as though my brain has been reeling with so many thoughts as this year is coming to it's close, and the next is only two hours away (1 hour for my friends on the east coast). A year ago today I was in Missouri packing up my bags in preparation to fly out New Years day to Virginia. I finished packing and spent the rest of the night watching the ball drop with a couple family members. Below is the photo that I posted on New Years day a year ago...a bit of foreshadowing you think? ;)

So I have decided to talk a little bit about the highlights of 2014 and some of the things that I learned as well as some things I am reflecting on. This may be a really honest post...but honestly what have I written in the past year that wasn't? 

Learned Lesson # 1 :: Be Honest With Myself

Oosh. So spending a year at home which would have been about 1/2 of 2014 definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on life. I had a lot of time to be in the now because there wasn't a next step to look to. I'm realizing how beautiful that time was and how therapeutic it was to just be in the present, not planning too far ahead and taking life as it came, daily. It gave me ample opportunity to get to know myself a little better and to be really honest with myself. I mean, think about it, life gets busy, and if you all know me, I am filling every minute of every day with something. When life gets busy we tend to neglect ourselves. I guess I hadn't really noticed how much I need "me" time until I recognized its importance in my life. I did a lot of writing this past year, a lot more than I had in a very long time. I hope to do even more writing and reflecting in the coming year. I want to be honest with myself because that's how I learn and grow.

Lesson Learned # 2 :: I Am A Verbal Processor & I Need To Learn To Love It

Accept it. Love it. Well....at least I have one of those things locked down. :] Girls talk a lot...and then there's Gabe and others like her who tend to run the same topic into the ground or what I have otherwise come to call it, word-vomit. I exhaust myself with talking. It happens. It's a real thing. I'm not just someone to talk because I like to hear myself talk or to talk about non-sense. When I verbally process it most always is about something that important to me. Well if I think back on a post from last January I talked about how I had coffee and lunch in VA with a bajillion people and they all just about asked the same questions...so...I processed, and I learned A LOT. I went back to Texas with new thoughts in my head and new songs in my heart. & I quote from me a year ago: "The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual." Well, past me, we are still on the same page there. Over the past year I have processed deserts and flowing streams, I have processed love and heart break, I have processed beginnings and endings, I have processed acceptance and letting go, and so so much more. I'm actually sitting here laughing to myself over the mixed memories that are flooding my mind right now. I'm still working on the loving the fact that I verbally process but accepting it is the first part and seeing what positives lie in the fact that it's a part of me. If you have lent an ear to me over the past year I am so thankful not only for someone to listen but for those who shared parts of my heart because those words. that's exactly what they are. 

        

 

 

To those who lent an ear

To those who heard my heart

To those who echoed back

I can't encompass enough words to say

 I'm thankful.

How ironic.

 

Lesson Learned # 3 :: Give Room For Growth

I learned quite a bit in this area. I realized how important it is in relationships to give room for the other person to grow. I have a whole blog post on the topic called Re-potting plants. People grow and change. I am not who I was yesterday and I don't plan to be the same tomorrow. I think not only did I learn about allowing others room to grow within my relationships now but a lot about how important it is for a healthy marriage. Along with giving others room to grow I also am learning to give myself room to grow. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to becoming stagnant or falling into falsehoods of who I have been in my past. Gotta make room for a new foundation. Gotta give way for new roots to take to fresh soil. 

Lesson Learned # 4 :: The Most Magical Adventures Arise When You Aren't Looking For Them

So a good friend of mine got engaged and was planning a wedding for January 4th 2014 (Happy Almost Anni Kack & Tay!) & I was invited to attend the wedding but also asked to be the weekend coordinator/director....so logically, off to Virginia I flew Jan 1st 2014. As you read above in my instagram post "Hopefully this is a foreshadowing of the rest of 2014." In this year I have flown to Virginia Beach for a wedding, drove to Oklahoma City for a wedding, worked and volunteered in Guatemala at a children's orphanage, drove to Tennessee for a much needed friendcation, flew to FL for family vacation, moved 1/2 way across the country to Virginia (again), traveled all over Maryland, Delaware, Virginia and New Jersey for my job and most recently got back from a trip to Iceland. Most all of these travels weren't planned far in advanced but the opportunities presented themselves and I chose to take advantage of them. It's kinda neat how each one of these adventures came to be. I would go in detail about them all but that would take quite a bit of time. This year has been full of travels and cultural experiences. I have loved life on the road and in the air. My thirst for exploring the world around me has turned into wanderlust. If 2014 held all of this I cannot wait to see what 2015 has in store. I'm realizing how important it is to experience this earth before I'm not here to see the majesties God has created. My heart longs to be outdoors amongst pathless forests, overgrown gardens and standing on the edge of mountaintops. So here's to dreaming and waiting to see what opportunities come my way.

Lesson Learned # 5 :: Desire Is Not Longing & It's Not Wrong

This is something I wrote about most recently called "Let's Do Life Together". There's something to be said about the differences between desire and longing. So if you haven't read that post from November it's all about doing life with someone. I feel as though "desire" is a more appropriate word to use when talking about having a significant other to experience and do life with than longing. Longing implies that one is discontent and wishing for something they do not possess. I would say that desire is an underlying feeling that doesn't always reflect feelings of discontent. If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it's about 2am eastern time and I am just about wiped but pushing through to finish this! I have questioned myself and found that I am desire-full but not longing for someone to share life with. I went aboooout...I'd say 21 years of my life, not really thinking much about sharing life with someone. Then desire set in and I questioned myself. Am I discontent with where I am? Am I going to become a girl who consumed by longing to be dating someone and longing to just get married? Bleh! No! I actually love where I am right now. I love the added freedoms that come with being single and the things I get to do because I have those freedoms. But this doesn't mean that I don't desire to share day to day life with someone. I am not a dater. I don't date. I've been out on a couple coffee dates here and there, a couple lunch dates, and even a dinner date was proposed, to which I said "let's just stick to lunch." Dinner is a whole different ball game people. haha. I'm not a fan of dating. I am a fan of best friends and falling in love. I am a fan of getting to know someone through sharing life with them. I want to take a walk together, read together, explore together, just be. I want to share so many things that I love and that are important to me with someone. I want to share the important people in my life with that person. I want to share in their life, their hopes, their dreams and greet challenges with them. All of these things and more I believe I mention in that blog, so I won't take any longer to get descriptive here. Anywho, I have come to learn that just because I desire to do life with someone doesn't mean I'm longing for it and just because I desire to share life with someone doesn't make it wrong. I am still waking up and doing life every day. I am still embracing the freedoms that come with being single. I am taking in every moment this Christmas with my family realizing that one day they won't JUST be mine but that I will share them and while that will be the best ever, I only get my family to myself, just like this, right now. This Christmas will never repeat itself. I get to sit on my grandpas lap and share beds with my sister and just enjoy my family as it is now, right now. Who knows what next year will bring. I will say I am more excited and anxious than ever to share my family with someone. I am so thankful for my family and extended family. This New Year I'm taking it all in because time flies and I want to take it all in and have the chance to appreciate and take hold of every moment I can.

So many lessons were learned but there you have just a few. I got a bit length on that last one but I'm pretty passionate about them all. In closing, it's been an exciting and unforgettable year full of so many surprises and blessings. Farewell my dear 2014 and the beauties that you were, hello 2015 and the beauties that you'll bring!

 

xoxo, gabrielle