Wars Waged Within

Let's be honest...or in this case, let me be honest. The past two days were pretty heavy. Isn't it funny that sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, when you start to come into realization of your freedom that's when something comes along to threaten it. Anxiety. Stress. Lies. They can be suffocating. I've heard it said before and was reminded this past week that "anxiety is selfish." I can see that. I can see where anxiety is an inward reflection on inner turmoil. It's a reflection on self and one's problems and or stressors. For myself and many others like me it is a battle of faith, it's a battle of trust. Anxiety is a battle. It's a war waged with yourself. But, I don't have to go into this battle alone. The flesh is weak which is why it's so easy to succumb to these things. I think most of my day yesterday was spent waging a spiritual battle of the heart and mind. The beautiful thing is that I am given the opportunity to make a decision. Heck! It's my very being! I made the decision to fight the battle rather than dwell in it. But, just because I decided to rise to the challenge doesn't mean everything changed all at once. It actually got harder when I chose to face it head on. There were points of weakness, points of breaking, and points of strength. Ultimately I know that because I have put my faith not in my own abilities but the Lord's strength to bring me through I know that I have come out on the other side and you know what...I. am. exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, and physically I am tired. Even though it has taken much energy out of me, and even though it's hard, I am called to face these challenges head on so that I can become stronger. I am learning. I am growing. It never ceases and thank the Lord that it doesn't! Peace has so much more value and beauty in my life because of the challenges I have faced and because of how I have seen the Lord redeem me from trial after trial. I don't have to live a life consumed. I choose to thrive, to grow vigorously and flourish! If that means that I undergo some pressure, if that means that I experience the process of refinement which makes things a bit uncomfortable then I am thankful still. I am thankful for the opportunity to grow and to gain wisdom and ultimately come more into likeness of the Lord. A constant work in progress. That's what I am. I think I would be lost without something to strive for. I'm seeing these moments as opportunities and ultimately I know I will see the Lord's purpose in them.