Elysian

 

I am embarking on this journey of beauty and creativity. I am longing to be divinely inspired and to be overtaken by perfect peace. If anyone asked me after the new year what my new year resolution was I told them I had not made one. I do however have certain things that I am wanting to focus on, or meditate on, or act upon. One of the main things I talked about was my desire to remain inspired. Now, this inspiration could come from just about anywhere. I find inspiration in the conversations I have with people, in the sermons I listen to, in the books that I read, in the scriptures that I meditate on, in my dreams, and out amongst nature. This morning I want to write about how nature inspires me, we shall see if I can even begin to touch on this expansive subject.

I don't remember if I have already shared what I am about to share but if not, I must, because I am sure to reference to it in the future. In past, when I have become overwhelmed in my own thoughts or I have bottled up anxieties or if I have felt that I need a dose of inspiration I take to nature. There's a sort of raw inspiration that comes from being amongst the most natural things on this earth. As one of my professors expressed in my 2012 Theatre Capstone class: "Artist's long to get back to the Garden of Eden." This has stuck with me since then because back in 2012 was when I first started to realize how important it is for me to be out amongst nature. Thankfully Virginia is a perfect state to provide me with both the beach and the mountains and the pastures and the forests. There's something about getting back to where creativity first began.  The creation of creativity...inception? I mean think about it. I just got this image of man kind being created first before light and before the world. It's funny for me to think about Adam just kinda being without anything else. Anything else. No gravity. No air. No light. Nothing. Then I can see creation happening and ohhhh man how Adam would have probably flipped his lid. But, back to thinking on how things really first came to be...

The heavens were created and the earth. I'm thinking that it was probably a precious moment between the Lord and His creation in those first few days. I mean, think about it...the natural beauties around us worship Him...

"The heavens declare the glory of God,
    and the sky above proclaims his handiwork." - Psalm 19:1

"All the earth worships you
    and sings praises to you;
    they sing praises to your name.” Selah" - Psalm 66:4

"And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying,

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!"" - Revelation 5:13

"...⁴ Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth;
    break forth into joyous song and sing praises!
⁵ Sing praises to the Lord with the lyre,
    with the lyre and the sound of melody!
⁶ With trumpets and the sound of the horn
    make a joyful noise before the King, the Lord!

⁷ Let the sea roar, and all that fills it;
    the world and those who dwell in it!
⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands;
    let the hills sing for joy together..." - Psalm 98:4-8

All of this to say that the earth is precious and the closest tangible, most pure thing I can experience on this earth. There's a sort of heart-sigh that I experience amongst nature. Something that calms me, and inspires me. My spirit rests at the sight of a mountainscape. My eyes are captivated by the details I observe. My heart yearns for more. I had a little dose of this two days ago as I was driving through Blue Ridge Parkway. I only wished someone else was driving so that I could let my eyes wander the ridge-lines of the horizon. I am romanced. 

I can feel it in my deepest of self when I know I need an escape to nature. It's those moments when I need all the space around me to release what I have been holding in. It's those moments where I feel so uninspired that it begins to tear at my creative spirit. It's those moments when I just need a little dose of peace amongst the hectic schedule I keep. 

I was one of those kids that instead of playing on the playground I sat in the middle of the field and picked clovers. I would lay in my driveway and watch the clouds pass by...one time I lost my lion king balloon as I was laying in the driveway and was so distraught...as you can see by my still remembering...it was a traumatic experience for me. I was 5. haha. I was the kid who hung out in the tree-like bushes because I was so small I could sit for hours in their limbs. I observed everything around me down to the smallest detail. 

Remaining inspired is important to me because I live in a busy world with task lists, and schedules to keep, and rent to pay. My desire is to remain inspired so that my artistic spirit continues to live. 

xoxo, Gabrielle

 

 *next time: I think I will write a bit about my experience in Roanoke + about the creative arts group I attend on Friday nights!!! Oh How Exciting!

With A Heavy Heart

It is with a heavy heart and a lump in my throat this morning that I write this post. For those of you who don't know a friend of mine from school from the theatre department, from my theatre family was killed in a head on car collision Saturday. He and the other driver in the accident were driving down a two lane highway in indiana (he on his way to a family reunion) when my friend Adam went to pass a Semi and didn't see the car in the other lane they both attempted to avoid each other pulling out and colliding head on in the ditch. Please be in prayer for the family of 5 that was in the other vehicle. The mother and father of the three children in the back seat were last in critical condition and the children's status was never released.

Adam was flown Careflight to a hospital and a few hours after the accident he passed away from his injuries. So one of my best friends texted me yesterday at 730am which would have been 630am her time to see if I had heard the news... one of the most sobering texts I have received in a long time. "B...did you hear about Adam?" (B is Julie's nickname for me) To which I responded no and she immediately called me. Our theatre department is a family, mess with one of us you better be careful because we have each others backs. I don't mean that to sound threatening it's just to represent how we look after each other. I don't know ho I could have survived college without my theatre family students and professors alike. So with this news we are all breaking and the Crowhort is probably taking it the hardest because they spent the last three years studying, learning and growing together to finish up with their MFAs back last month. My heart breaks for my friend's loss and breaks for the hurt that so many of my wonderful and dear MFA friends are experiencing.

A little over a year ago Adam's father was killed in a car accident as well. He was devastated and we all hurt for him. We even set up a giving account where people could contribute to helping to bury his father and send him home for the funeral...here we are a little more than a year later with a giving account set up once more for our friend, our own brother's funeral. I want to say a few things about the character of my friend Adam before I go on in this post to reference some things I am learning this morning about death.

A Character of Life

I met Adam when he was a first year MFA student and I was a Junior in College. The first show we worked on together was Three Musketeers. I was the Assistant Stage Manager and he was one of the main supporting roles. Adam was a humorous guy. He liked to tease the BA's especially the girls because he found them to be more gullible, knowing we would fall for his dry sarcasm and humor or just for the tap on the shoulder-walk away-pretend it wasn't you joke. Adam would tease me about taking me out on the date that he had never asked me out on. He also joked about how he felt we were growing distant after we had just finished an entire show we worked together on for several months. "Adam...we just spent the past several months working on a show together!" hahaha. He joked about me leaving him alone with the kids...that we didn't have. He was always one to walk up to a group of us talking and put his arm around one or two or three people and stick his head into the conversation. He and some of the other guys had a game where they called dibs on everyone and everything so yes even myself along with so many other girls of the department got called "dibs" on. "Dibs on Gabe!!!!" - Adam "What does that even meeeeean?! Hahaha" -Me ::Adam Shrugs Shoulders::

Adam was a giving person, a true 21st century good samaritan. A friend of mine had mentioned to someone within ear shot of him that she was frustrated that she didn't even have money to buy lunch and he whipped out a $10 and handed it to her not even knowing who she was. Adam had the biggest arms and the biggest hugs coming from a big guy with an even bigger heart. Adam made sure that no one person went unnoticed or unrecognized. I can remember on several occasions where he praised me for doing a good job even clapping for me as he walked by. "Keep up the good work Gabe." -Adam. I don't think I appreciated that as much as I should have. Adam saw when people were having a rough day, he knew just by looking at them. He was quick to listen and be there for the people he cared about. Although he was scared of leaving school and heading out to LA he was determined to make the leap of faith with his fathers encouraging words "I'm betting on you even if no one else is" and knowing God had his back. My friend Tim put it this way: "If you haven't made the world a better place, then what difference does it make. Thank you Adam for inspiring us to live fully, love passionately, and laugh without hesitation." If I could say anything that would encompass him, that right there would ice the cake.

So...death. A bittersweet taste on my tongue with that one word. & can I just take a moment to mention that it is magnificently stormy outside. The storm is a reflection of my heart, moments of eruptive thunder and pouring rain and then stillness for a moment. I am still between disbelief and realization. Yesterday was long. I went to church because I knew that Adam would have encouraged me to, he was also an ordained minister. I came home after lunch and fell asleep waking up still exhausted and eyes still tired and worn out. Tears come and go as they please.

Our Loss, Adam's Gain

I'm sure you have heard people say in the past "God's got another angel up there" or "It's our loss but Christ's gain" both are things I have heard in the past when going through bereavement. But, this time I am choosing to see it as Adam's gain. Yes, I still believe that it is Christ's gain but I also want to take the time to recognize that Adam gained a whole heck of a lot when we left this earth. I am in no way belittling the gain of Christ I just also want to recognize the significance of what Adam himself has gained. It's easy to say they are in a better place and not think in depth about what that means. It needs to be talked about, we should be discussing it, especially when it hurts. So I did some research on death this morning and came across this relevant magazine article from 2008 that talks about death being the servant of God. I was like, huh, interesting perspective and you know what...I agree. God sent Christ to this world to conquer death and by conquering death as He did, death became a servant.

It's a bit of a read but honestly I don't think I could cut anything out so stick with me for a moment and read the below quoted pieces from Relevant Magazine, see if it doesn't strike a heartstring with you as it did with me:

"Death divorced from God becomes a power unto itself and becomes master of humanity rather than servant. Only through the re-mastery of death can death cease to be an enemy and return to its place as servant of God and humanity. Death is what Christ came to reconquer and is the means by which He conquered. Death became servant to Christ so that it might once again become servant to humanity. It served the true human so that it might serve all humans."

"Death is the gateway to life. Death is the boatman who ferries us from this life to more life. Death is the servant now. For one must lose his life to save it. We are baptized into death so that we might rise with Christ. We are joined to Christ’s death so that through death we might be joined to Christ’s resurrection and new life (Romans 6:4-5)."

"New life is not found through any other means than death. Resurrection implies death and it is resurrection that we seek. New life in Christ is not merely the prolonging of this life but it is a completely new life unlike this one. New life requires death. Death is the gift, the means, through which we are granted new, resurrected life with Christ."

"Lordless death is the great enemy, not death itself. Christ, who submitted to God, submitted to death and in doing so received life and death’s allegiance. Christ cannot die again because death has no mastery over him (Romans 6:9). Death returns to its proper function as servant of God and is rightly ordered humanity’s servant as well. Natural immortality is horrendous and hopeless. Death gives us hope for new life. Death, when with God, is hope. It is hope of resurrected life. It is the gift of God to humanity, abused by humanity during the Fall, then given back at the Cross. Paul continues to warn that sin and corruption lead to death (Romans 6:23;8:6) but to lordless death, not Christ’s death, which brings eternal life in Christ."

"J.R.R. Tolkien illustrates death as gift and the corruption it underwent better than I ever could in his epic The Silmarillion:

The sons of Men die indeed, and leave the world; wherefore they are called the Guests, or the Strangers. Death is their fate, the gift of Iluvatar, which as Time wears even the Powers shall envy. But Melkor has cast his shadow upon it, and confounded it with darkness, and brought forth evil out of good, and fear out of hope." 

"Charles Williams, a personal friend of Tolkien, once wrote “The definition of the Fall is that man determined to know good as evil.” One example of this is to be seen in humanity’s view of death. A good was seen as an evil. A gift was seen as a curse. A servant was seen as an enemy and became just that. Christ laid down his own life freely to death and in doing so mastered death. In his mastering of death he gave death to us once again to be our servant. Christ says, “He who believes in me will live even though he dies,” (John 11:25). Christ goes onto say “whoever lives and believes in me will never die,” (John 11:26). I believe Christ speaks of the life that only comes from death. As Christ cannot die again, neither can those who are united with Christ’s death. Death is not the end of life but the means to it, for Christ says, “Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it,” (Luke 17:33). To defeat death one must die. To be born again one must die. To live one must die. Therefore, die before you die. There is no chance after."

So there you have it my friends. I myself want to remember to see death as a servant of Christ. I made the choice to die to myself a long time ago but it's not just a one time decision that I can make and not continually work on. Dying to oneself is a lifelong commitment and it's hard! I believe that is what Adam did in his time here on earth. He died to himself and accepted Christ's defeat of death so that when death came to him he would gain life. Death is a daily walk, not just a one time occurrence. Death is servitude. Death is choosing life. Death is not the enemy. 

On a lighter note: The 5 Stages of Grief as told by Giraffe from Robot Chicken:
WARNING: Bleeped Out Offensive Language Content Viewer Discretion is Advised Not Suitable for Children 

Whole Magazine : Let Me Walk Upon the Waters

I'VE MADE A DECISION! So I have decided to post not only my own writings but also writings of others. As you know if you have been following me over the past months I have become a reader! I mean, I'm not reading 3 books a week but I am reading chapters a week in a couple different books which is a big thing for me and I am loving it! I am also reading a lot of articles and some of those I come across touch my heart with such depth I just have to share! So this is the first article I would like to share from my devos today. Funny thing is when I was writing yesterday I had Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) on repeat. I then saw a post on Facebook a video of the same song recorded in studio and then today there's a devotion article on it?!?!?! Coincidence? I think not.


Please enjoy! Be encouraged! I know I was :]

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE:

Whole Magazine : Let Me Walk Upon the Waters: This weekend, I took a trip with three close friends to a little place called Cannon Beach on the Oregon coast. One of the places where ...

Patience Young Grasshopper

It's not always funny when someone calls you out on something. But, often I find myself laughing at the various times I am "called out" by God. So I get really frustrated and stressed out during a conversation with my mother and after the conversation I leave the house. I had to get out. The place of a home which used to be filled with peace has recently been a war zone between family members. Now I guess "war zone" may be overdoing it just a bit, so let's just say that home has become an uncomfortable place to be with the quarreling of parents and occasionally my sister who comes home only when she has to. I was that way in college too. I'm not saying I don't have any part in the un-peacefulness of our home, I have had my moments, mainly with my mother. It's a hard transition when you move home after 4 years of never living at home for more than a couple weeks on breaks. You are a different person, and it's not necessarily their fault that they (without thinking about it) assume that you are who you were when you left. They have only had the chance to see you in bits and it's not enough for them to understand you as an independent individual. I'm still struggling with that with my mother. It was a bit easier for my dad because we are so close and he and I are very similar, we still have little moments but they are very few and there is common understanding in the end. That's not exactly the case with me and my mother's relationship. Quite the polar opposite.

So anyway, I'm having a conversation about a couple things pertaining to my future with my mother (which I should have never started talking about in the first place) and it gets to the point where she's asking me questions or making statements that don't pertain to my character at all. Does this lady who birthed me know anything about me at all? Let me give an example: It was like telling Mother Teresa not to steal from the poor OR It was like stating "everything has to have a purpose in life."Actually that's pretty close to one of the things that she said to me. It's like telling me if I'm dehydrated I need to drink water. Duh! Ok, enough with the examples. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm merely trying to convey that whether it be my parent or another person's parent sometimes their "I only want what is best for my child" goggles get in the way of them seeing to the child's heart. Sometimes their preventative measures whether they be in word or physically acted can jump the gun. I think the fact that I was away for 4 years has a little to do with things being suggested or said that don't apply. I know to put my underwear on before I put my pants on, I know that the bunny ears criss-cross and make a bow, I know that a car needs gas to run, I know that I have challenges ahead as an adult, I know that the choices I make now do influence my future, I know that I need to take the real world seriously, I know that just because an good offer is made doesn't mean it is right to take it, I know not to be hasty and I know to do my homework. But, I also understand this: My God has me in the palm of His hand. My God has promised to never lead me astray and if I happen to be that one that takes the detour He will leave the many and go after me. I know My God has a plan, I know there is a plan and I have prayed and I have pleaded with the Lord that He would slam doors in my face if it's not the right one. I am doing my best as a learning and growing young adult.

Mother Teresa turning those tables for your enjoyment.

This post is pretty raw for me but, I also know that it is reality and people struggle everyday. So I'm struggling day to day just as everyone does, but I am also learning from those struggles. I know it's not my mother's fault that we don't always agree or that I struggle to communicate with her on certain levels. Thank God that we are different people! That He makes us unique! She has been there for me in so many other ways, I pray that I can do those same things for my children one day.

I have noticed through this also, that I am looking for confirmation and or a good word or helpful advice a lot from my mother, and its NOT a bad thing at all!! But, in my circumstance I need to be taking a lot of those conversations and thoughts of mine to the Lord. He is, after all, my provision and when I have left mom and dad behind, my relationship with Him is going to be most important of all.

Oh and as if there wasn't enough learning in the novel above! Here's another gem:

Faith and Endurance2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. 

BAM!!!!

 How's that feel Gabrielle? "Can I let you know when I regain my breath from being punched in the stomach?" Yeah. That's how that felt. Here I am enduring one of the most impactful seasons of my life thus far and not once have I said thank you for it. Thinking about it earlier I started to become so much more thankful for all the challenges I have faced thus far and I am hoping I can make that a habit for the future. I used to be so good at remembering to thank God through the trials and challenges but in this season it's something I have forgotten. I know I'm not facing religious injustice, or facing persecution for my faith but the bibles teachings aren't only for one season, one place, one situation or one time. Though these may seems like trivial first world problems they are still a challenge and battle for the one who faces a very real evil who seeks to destroy everything it touches. 

Anyway. That's a real moment in the life of me. 

A couple quotes from today's Jesus Calling that sparked a bit of the thought and learning:

"Bearing your circumstances bravely––even thanking Me for them––is one of the highest forms of praise."

"Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness." 

Sleep In Heavenly Peace

For the past almost two and a half weeks I have suffered from nightmares and night-terrors. I have had maybe 3 or 4 peaceful nights where I had not one nightmare. Perhaps it's the transition I have told myself, perhaps it's that I am overheated in my sleep (triggers nightmares for some people), perhaps subconsciously I feel anxious and my body deals with it through a nightmare. I have been plagued by guilt when I wake up because in my dreams I may have done something I would never do in reality like murder someone. I start to think 'what the heck is wrong with me?' 'what am I doing wrong?' When I got back from Costa Rica last summer I also was plagued by constant nightmares and through a lot of prayer and asking the Lord to watch over me and be present while I slept they eventually went away. The nightmares have been more constant and worse in content than when I came back to the states last summer. Even when I ask that the Lord be present as I sleep and dream I have been having nightmares. So this morning as I was troubled with the thought of all the nightmares I have had I kept reminding myself that the person who is in the nightmares is not who I am in present life. The desires to do evil in the nightmares are not the desires that I have in the real world. 

So I sit down to read Jesus Calling by Sarah Young and open my kindle bible app and this verse of the day appears:

Of course I am like 'woah!' Coincidence I think not! I am in such a vulnerable place right now as an individual. I am back home and missing community and fellowship with friends and elders of my church back in Virginia. I am at alone most of the time and that is a key opportunity for evil to sink it's teeth into my mind. I was talking to Kadi last night about life apart from community and how challenging it is. It's a different world when you aren't plugged into a church yet, or a small group or when you aren't always pouring into people, and people aren't always pouring into you. You start to think of everything you could be doing or should be doing. You get down on yourself for not having motivation and structure in your life. But, that is the transition. It's the mud you have to trudge through to get to the stream at the other end where you can wash away the struggles and challenges you have overcome, and move forward into your future. It's preparation in the most vulnerable state, because you are alone, and there aren't as many distractions. Anyway... a little rabbit trail there. 

Sleep is precious. It is a gift and it can be compromised by evil that seeps in. I'm so serious. It attacks your identity in your sleep, it feeds on your past mistakes, it devours all that is good about the restoration of sleep. I'm fighting a battle right now. Every night as I lay down to sleep my subconscious mind is fighting and in the physical realm I am doing what I can to fight off evil that follows me into my sleep. 

So in my reading this morning from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young it was about safety! These are the key excerpts from the reading:

"In closeness to Me, you are safe. In intimacy of My Presence, you are energized....I designed you for close communication with your Creator....When you commune with Me in the garden of your heart, both you and I are blessed. Together we will push back the darkness, for I am the Light of the world."

Couldn't be any more perfect, right? It just means that I'm going to have to get closer to God so together we can push away the darkness that floods my dreams. Not a bad idea.


So my friends, how can you pray for your fellow Texan? Pray for my sleep. Pray for peace in rest. As you lay your head down on your pillow think of me and pray that I would be free from attacks and protected. & I pray that the Lord blesses you as you sleep that He covers you and keeps you.

That's life right now. It's 1:10 pm and I am sitting in my kitchen in my pajamas writing. Yep. haha



Also....

This is one of the verses that was with the reading. I read it in the 4 different versions and I love each one. Especially the NKJ & ESV which end with Selah.

    PSALM 32:7

NIV

7You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

           MSG

7God’s my island hideaway,

keeps danger far from the shore,

throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

NKJ

7Thou art my hiding place; 

thou shalt preserve me from trouble; 

thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.

ESV

7You are a hiding place for me;

you preserve me from trouble;

you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah