Dream A Little ... Dream A Lot

I'll just put it out there right off the bat – I think I've been given way too many dreams for this short little life I will live. I could give you an on-going list of dreams, but I don't think that is what this post is for.

My dream is to live. My dream is to cast visions without limitation. My dream is to take action. My dream is to do my best to live purposefully and not out of reaction. My dream is to find community everywhere I go. My dream is to know who I am. My dream is to know who God is. All of these things make up the dry mix of a beautiful cake with many layers and detail.

Photo Property of Oh Honey Bakes [@ohhoneybakes]

A new friend of mine recently asked me, "If you could ask any question other than the typical small talk questions...what would ask?" The answer I gave him was that of a question I have been asked many times over the past several years: "If you had no limitations...if money, time, and all of those details were of no consequence or worry...what would you do? What would be the dream?" A persons answer to this question can say a lot about them. This summer, I was stumped as this question was asked of me. Honestly...I had put dreaming aside in 2009. "What's practical? What does "the reality" of being an adult tell me is possible?" Stupid. We weren't created to settle. We weren't created to dream and then set those dreams on fire and cast the ashes out on seas of impossibility. Whether it's a simple dream, or an extravagant one, they all have worth, they all have purpose.

Dreaming doesn't end here in the early stages of life. I pray, dear Lord, that I dream until the day I die. I pray that in every new season a new dream emerges. So this week, I've added one to the lot. This is one of those dreams that I'm not so sure about. It's one that I'm not quite sure on how it fits into this timeline of mine. If I were to write down all of my dreams you would be sure to find themes and threads. Some of these would make sense to slap down on a storyboard, but then others seem a bit disjointed. Granted, these dreams are from many different seasons and walks of life. So of course the dream of 10 year old me may not exactly coincide with the later dream of 20 year old me. Dreams take shape. Dreams come and dreams go. Dreams give purpose and motivate us to make the most of the one life we've been given.

Photo Courtesy of Noah Shaffer [@that.barefoot.dude]

Seems that this age I am living is prime dreaming time. It's a time of exploration. It's a time of question. It's a time of seeking answers and making choices. It's a time when the world seems to be an open book. That is...this age can be ALL of that...if I...or if you, let it. So dream a little or dream a lot, but I encourage the latter. Don't become overwhelmed when you do and dreams continue to be birthed like bunnies in springtime.

& with that, I leave you with the following to chew on:

Perhaps the purpose of dreaming is not to run after every dream, but to condition our minds and our spirits to be active in dreaming. You'll know which ones to chase, and I hope you will.

Self Portrait Captured By Kelli Marie 

Dreaming the Dreamers Dream,

Gabrielle

South Africa Calls To Her

South Africa is calling her back. Or, it may just be that plane ticket she bought several months ago that is calling her to hop on board that plane. Around this time last year a spent the weekend in The Burg (Lynchburg) with my dear Jo. I will never forget the Saturday that we got to spend together that winter. We at mexican food and didn't mind when the waiters flirted with us even though they were probably just trying to get a good tip. We grabbed Starbies and took a little overcast drive to the Lynchburg airport. We sat there for quite a while watching the planes take off and land engaging in soul bearing conversation without distraction. The Come Away album by Jesus Culture will always remind me of that afternoon. I remember the way the air smelled and the peaceful gloom of the skies. I remember how real that moment felt. How we talked of the birthing of dreams. We talked about our similar and unique passions. We talked about faith and insecurity. The challenge presented with endless possibility. I remember how my heart sighed to be in fellowship with such a driven, passionate and faithful woman.

Since then, Jordan has taken on a new and exciting challenge. She's currently living in Plettenberg Bay in the Western Cape of South Africa. She has committed a year to living there to serve with a non-profit that is pioneering an orphanage, anti-trafficking work, and photography/videography communication. She has taken on a lot of responsibility and roles while being there and as a friend I could not be more proud of or excited for her. I am continually encouraged and inspired by her steps of faith as she surrenders and humbles herself in this adventure.

I had the privilege of seeing her while she was in the states when she came to visit Virginia Beach. We did what I think has sort of become a "thing" for us to do. Take a drive, park the car where we can overlook something and talk. No coffee this time but we had just made one bangin' breakfast. We sat in Norfolk overlooking the bay and caught up some more before we went back to my house and spent a good bit of time in the car and in my room getting into a little deeper discussion on life. I wish I could have spent so many more hours with her because I think we could have just kept talking. She's such a free spirit and one that you just want to be in the presence of. She's wise and understanding and shows her crazy a little bit here and there which I wholeheartedly jump in on. Don't you worry. We get a little weird. Haha.

All of this to day that South Africa has such a precious human residing in the cape. She is moving mountains...or...making waves. Whatever the metaphor, she's chasing not only a dream and a hearts desire but she's chasing the Lord, and I am so honored to know her.

Below is a little information on what she is doing in South Africa:

KK Intl. // Krochet Kids International

People doing great things with great intentions. This is my little dose of Tuesday morning inspiration. I pray it inspires you as well. One day...I'll be helping to make films like this. Promotional material to support great causes and big dreams.

Check out their  k i c k s t a r t e r  and their  w e b p a g e !

Storyline Reflections // Part 2

I don't know where to start. I've been sitting in this coffee shop since 3pm...current time 6:30pm. I felt the inspiration. It's one of those feelings I get in my chest. I can't explain it other than it's like I start to lead from that part of my being. Everyone leads with a specific part of their body. It tells you a lot about that person and a lot about what kind of day they are having or what season of life they are in. Well, I'm supposing the only way to begin to know what to write is to just start writing. 

I think I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the things I want to share. Sharing life with others is a huge part of who I am. It's a daily desire. It comes from my chest, a physical feeling that pulls. I often have to subdue the need to jump the gun and pace myself in my sharing. I'm always conditioning my listening ears and receptive heart. It's a process.

Having a whole half journal full of notes I'm finding it hard to cut down to just the most important things. I don't record things that I don't find important or applicable. Any attempt to explain my experience at Storyline will always fall short. So before I attempt to share my experience I'd like to set the stage for you. I want to share where I found myself before the conference because I think it has significant value to the greater impact and purpose behind my attendance. I will say this, I'm very particular about what I write in my journals. I don't start writing unless I feel like I have given the journal a purpose and future. I almost didn't start writing till Day 1 of sessions and breakouts. I'm so glad I didn't wait.

(the following is an excerpt from the very first pages of my journal)

W E D N E S D A Y

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––November 4th 2015––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Let's begin here. Seat 8F. Window. We've departed Norfolk Intl. My connection is in Charlotte, NC and then it's on to Chicago, IL.   I'm on my way to Storyline Conf. The conference was born out of the dreams of Donald Miller who wrote "Blue Like Jazz" and most recently "Scary Close." I have such a strong admiration and connection with his works that I started reading some of his articles on Storyline Blog. (Insert Side Note: My overhead light just went out...it's 8pm...I kinda need that. Good thing I have a whole row to myself––middle seat lamp it is!) Anyway, I decided back in September that I wanted to attend the Storyline Conference that is held in Chicago every year. My boss approved my time off, the Lord blessed me with the funds, I bought my ticket and blinked. Here I am...flying on my own...to Chicago, IL. 

Honestly, I don't really know what to expect. In a way I think I have an advantage going into the conference a bit unaware. It'll leave me with room to discover. If anything, I do feel that the word 'discovery" is a foreshadowing of what a lot of my experience at this conference will be. I'm open for impression. I'm anxious out of pure heart. My Spirit is prayerful that God will reveal Himself and will impress His heart upon mine. 

Key things I know about the conference are as follows: We'll be talking about dreams, telling our stories, and hearing dreams and stories. We'll "leave with a life plan." Doesn't sound too bad to me! I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to dialogue. I'm excited to meet new people and hear their stories. Maybe make a few friends? I'm confident that my attendance at Storyline is with purpose. The purpose will reveal itself in due time. 

• Gabrielle •

on the plane to chitown

Storyline Reflections // Part 1

Last week I flew to Chicago to attend a conference called "Storyline." This conference has been held annually for the past 8 years. You may associate Storyline with the author Donald Miller who has written works such as Blue Like Jazz, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and most recently Scary Close. Back in college we were required to read Blue Like Jazz for a film class I took. I didn't read it. I had this bad habit of not reading things that I was told I had to read. Of course, this wasn't true for all assigned readings, but if I could get by I would do the least reading I could. I wasn't a fan of reading until I graduated college. Now, I can't put some of my books down and have the problem of reading multiple books at once. You will almost always find one in my purse. If I'm out on the road and eating alone sitting at a table for one or at the bar with my headphones in, you will always find a book in front of me and a pen in my right hand.

A friend of mine passed along her copy of Scary Close to me before she moved to South Africa. I flipped open the front cover and devoured it. Shortly after I signed up to receive the Storyline Blog by email and that's when I heard about the conference. I watched a video about it. I read about it. Still a bit unsure of what it was about I decided that I wanted to go. If it had anything to do with storytelling, art, dreams, faith and if Don would be speaking, I was there. I didn't spend much time contemplating it, I prayed about the financial commitment and time off work and you know what...I came back from two weeks on the road from work and the Lord completely surprised me financially...I cried. Confirmation. I was confident and excited. I booked my ticket. Didn't look back.

I have quite a few friends in the Chicago area so I definitely had accommodations. It was a little exciting to feel like such an adult. I travel alone for work all the time but I had never done anything quite like this. I flew, picked up a rental from the airport, drove to my friends home, drove to the conference, and with empty journal in hand, confidently stepped onto the Willow Creek Campus. I had a friend tell me from prior attendance at Storyline to get up close on the action so I placed myself in third row toward center. Although I was traveling alone, me being me, I made connections and friends with those around me. Everyone had their own story to tell of how they ended up at Storyline. Mine was...I'm not entirely sure what this is or why I'm here but I'm expectant and excited.

For two days I had the privilege of hearing from people like Donald Miller, Bob Goff (Pepperdine Law Professor, Hon. Consul for the Republic of Uganda, author of Love Does) , Shauna Niequist (author: Bittersweet, Bread & Wine, Cold Tangerines), Miles Adcox (CEO Onsite Workshops) , and Jeremy Cowart (photographer). If you have yet to hear of any of these people I would highly recommend checking them out! Each person shared their life story, their passions, their dreams, their struggles and triumphs. I want to say that I appreciated their transparency. I valued their vulnerability. I cherish their wisdom. They did everything they could to make sure they showed their humanity.

I have quite a bit to share from the conference but for now I will leave you with this little gem. I ran into Bob Goff just as he walked in the back of the end of the conference on Day 1. He gave me a hug and said "Hi, I'm Bob! I like your hat! Here let's take a selfie!" ‪ My admiration for these humans stretches a thousand miles and a million years.

"What are you doing?"

• scribed after the longest and quickest day ever •

I have the strongest desire to write lately. I have so many thoughts I don't know how to keep them all wrapped up in this head of mine. A lot of my writings have been in personal journals which has been very good...but there's also a part of me that wants to continue to share with other people where I am and what's going on in life. Connection. Fellowship. Coffee dates. Lunch dates. Two minute elevator chats. We all have a story to tell. I'm an artist. An actress. A documentarian of sorts (still figuring that one out). Telling my story or helping to tell the stories of others is a deep inset desire and almost natural reaction to the life I live day by day. So my friends...here's my story for today.

I have one question that I have been consistently asking God the past almost 5 months: "What are you doing?" This is not accusatory. This is not disrespectful. This is my declaration, that my life is not my own and I don't always have a grip on reality. This is my humility. This question comes about when I'm on the road with hours between point A and point B. It has come about when I find myself celebrating the matrimony of two beloved friends. It comes as I'm floating down a river, the tips of my fingers grazing the waters. It comes when I'm sitting down one-on-one with a friend, laughing till we both cry. It happens when everything is still, silent, and stable. It came about when I hiked through the Rocky Mountains through the rain and amongst some of the most breath taking scenery. It happens when someone I love has been hurt and I'm infuriated by the injustice of it all. It comes when something ends just as soon as it began. When my worlds are colliding and I'm not so sure we aren't all more connected than we think. It happens when I begin to discover new things about myself. This question is the heart behind all of my hello's, and especially my goodbyes. 

• finished scribing 3 days later over an autumn tea latte •

Sometimes the question is whispered...and other times the question is screamed within the four doors of my little Ford Fusion. Let's be real. This is not the only question I'm asking right now but it's most definitely the question at the foundation of all my other unending questions. This question requires a lot of patience. It's not one that is always quickly or easily answered. It's a bit of good ol' character building. I had such a lovely conversation with a new friend of mine last evening. Lauren Stonestreet and I talked about photography and film and all that comes with being in your 20's and asking this question. She mentioned her perspective in the process of stretching, asking deep and challenging questions of herself and the Lord is that she is like a new wineskin. She is being stretched and prepared for the new unfermented wine to be poured in. There's an important process and preparation for new wine. You cannot pour new wine into an old wineskin because it would burst. It's all about that carbon dioxide and such. There's a pretty good explanation of it online here. Any who, Lauren and I talking couldn't have been more appointed. I may have started to tear up as we talked (I kinda get like that over things I'm passionate about). I'm pretty sure I drowned out all the noise of the late night pizza bar scene that was playing every popular early 2000's pop song known to man. Talk about middle school dance flashbacks! 

I don't have a lot of answers. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's really uncomfortable to not have answers. I don't like to meditate on the fact that I don't have the answers I might desire to have. Bitterness leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I've experienced way too many people around me who fall into bitterness and it eventually starts to consume them. It makes me sad for them. I don't want that. So I will ask my question. Whenever it may surface in whatever form or fashion it may come about. I'll ask expectantly but not expecting. The one answer I have that brings me peace through the waiting is the Lord's all-knowing and promising response of: "Oh my sweet Gabrielle, just you wait and see." 

& cue the teary eyes,

Gabrielle

• Fall 2014 •

Expectant Not Expecting

In a mere 24 hours I will have landed in the great state of Colorado for a much needed vacation getaway. I'm saying goodbye to Ol' Virginia for 8 days and hello to those beautiful Rocky Mountains. My heart starts to race just thinking about the majesty that I will behold. I will be staying with a dear sister-friend who is originally from right here in Virginia Beach. Just so happens that the week I threw out to her in hopes of my visit, with less than a months notice, is the only week she doesn't have anything she is committed to with her job. Can you say perfection? So I booked my ticket on July 3rd and didn't look back. Uncertainty is a funny thing. Sometimes the planner in me just has to make the leap, take the step, or make the drive half way across the country to realize although I didn't have it planned out, the Lord certainly did.

Why Colorado you may ask? Well, it helps that I have 5 friends who live out there already. But, other than having connections I felt the pull. I've been to Colorado 6 times growing up. Ski trips with the youth group and a couple times with my family for vacation and my dad's job related travel. The last time I was in Colorado was 2 years ago. I spent Christmas in a cabin with my family. I've only been during winter and fall so being there in the summer is going to be a treat!

I want to find myself humbled. I want to be overwhelmed by experiencing creation in it's rawest and purest form. I'm going back to The Garden. This is a concept I have talked about here before and it's one that I think I will always hold on to. As an artist we can find ourselves overstimulated and overwhelmed with creating. Well, I have something to add to that. As an artist sometimes I can find myself uninspired and seeking purpose. Getting back to "The Garden" is in a sense saying that as an artist, especially as a Christian, I desire to be reminded of why I create in the first place. Getting outside and experiencing creation at it's foundation can be rejuvenating, encouraging, motivating, and affirming. I'm looking forward to, in a sense, a week sabbatical.

So now I get to the point in the blog where I explain why I chose to title this post "Expectant Not Expecting." I'm going into this trip with an open mind and heart. I want to be expectant of great things during my time in Colorado and expectant of great things to come. What I do not want is to go in expecting certain selfish desires. I don't want to find myself expecting because if I try to plan out what I want to happen and it doesn't happen that way then I stressed myself out and put my heart in a place to be let down. This goes for the plans that are made for things I may do while I'm there and it goes for the way that the Lord is going to work on me while I am there. The only things I am expecting while I am there is to experience the Lord and His creation alongside my beautiful friends, That's it. I'm keeping it simple. I want to leave as much room as possible for the Lord to take control.

I hope to be sharing some of my time with you all here. I'll also be posting photos on my instagram and snapping some of my trip. If not, then I will have plenty to share when I return.

Freely, Gabrielle

& with that I leave you with this picture from my last vacation in Iceland

The Start of Something Small

Click The Image Above To Be Directed To Vimeo

••• Monday was not my typical day of the week. I made plans with two of my beautiful soul sisters for the day. Monday rolled around and one of them became sick so my dear friend Ashley and I decided to embrace the day together. Coffee seemed to be the best way to kick off the day so we found ourselves at Cafe Stella in Norfolk. We talked of many things. She's an inspiration.

••• This time of fellowship was a bit different for me in-particular. "I've been struggling to be social. I usually have questions after question to ask. I'm not doing well with small talk. The thought of going out and being among groups of friends and other people is overwhelming," I apologized. "Welcome to my everyday life." She replied. What do you do with an extrovert or a verbal processor who doesn't want to be surrounded by people or talk. I've been asked and have asked myself recently if this is just a season of being introverted or if I really am an introvert. I reevaluated myself and whereas a few years ago it was pretty much obvious that I was an extrovert, now, I have a moderate preference of extroversion over introversion. I have a theory about why I think there has been a recent change in my preference.

••• The past two years I have been learning how to be alone...how to be on my own. I moved to Texas where I didn't have any friends and spent most of my time by myself. Coffee shops, my books, my computer, my camera and myself. I then transitioned back into a community here in Virginia and started a job where I spend about 65% of my time by myself. I am alone in my cubicle. I am alone as I travel on the road. At first, being alone really bothered me but that's when I chose to take control of what I could to make my time by myself special. I'd start my days in Texas by opening up the window (if it wasn't a bajillion degrees outside), I'd read, write a little, make a good breakfast, pour a chemex of coffee into my tea cup and embrace the day around noon. On the road I plan my days so that I can visit new restaurants and local coffee shops. I find a museum to venture around or take an 8 mile hike by myself...I know, I know, not safe. But, I only did that one time and it was glorious.

••• All of that to say I am an extrovert that is leaning more towards being introverted over the past month. The past year has been a lot of investing. Investing time in people. Investing time in work. Investing time in activities. Investing time in art. Investing time in students. Investing time in travel. Lots and lots of investing. I'm needing a bit of a recharge I guess you could say. In less than a week I leave for some much needed vacation. Colorado is calling my heart and I must follow it. I'll be heading out to the Rocky Mountains for 6 days. I'm not making many plans but I am expectant of good talks, and silence, long walks and hikes, climbing whatever I can climb, chasing sunsets and sunrises, coffee and good food, culture, and a full range of emotions...because when girl-friends get together and when you're experiencing the Lord and His majesty...it happens. I'm looking forward to filling up with the Lord. I'll definitely be asking a lot of questions and perhaps I will receive some answers.

••• I'll be trying to write a bit while I am out there. I'll definitely be uploading some photos to my instagram & snapchat but other than that I'm going to cut out a lot of other communicative mediums. I'm cutting ties with Virginia for 6 days. So now that I have overwhelmed this post with verbiage to get to something I really wanted to share. True Confession: I haven't filmed anything intentional in over a year. Quite honestly I can't believe that this year has gone by as quickly as it has. If you had asked me as I was driving half way across the country I never could have told you what things would leave their impression on my life 12 months down the road. (pun not intended). In almost exactly a month I will look back and see the purpose in many things, and for the others I will continue forward, expectant of great purpose to come. This clip is a beginning. It's a start. Perhaps my time with Ashley was just what I needed to get started in making the thought a reality. This is my way of sharing what I love, what I find beautiful, what captivates me, what resonates. It's my way of sharing life. My mini venture with Ashley was one of inspiration, observation, and being. In future, I hope to share more moments of "doing life." Here's to the start. Even if it's a small one. 

Freely, Gabrielle

The Run Away Girl

"Can we just run away?" She asked so innocently. 

Her heart shone through her eyes; a look of desire for adventure and a hope for new horizons to embrace. 

"I'm alive and I want the earth to know it." 

The Follow Through (Also Known As: The Longest Post Known To Man)

Oof. What a post title, yeah? This post is brought to you by the ever growing me, and my phone conversation I had with a one Miss Sarah Grice earlier this afternoon.

So I am out on the road again, and whereas, I thought this trip was going to be one that would be difficult to make, mainly because there's so much going on back home and planning a week of travel amongst it all seemed insane! I am actually not ready to come home. I left early Tuesday morning and have plans to return home Saturday evening...which is tomorrow. There is so much goodness that has come from this trip I am not sure I am prepared to go home and face the challenges that are set before me. This isn't because I feel that I am incapable of facing them or I fear that I will not succeed, it's just that there is so much that the Lord is doing in me and through me out here that I want to glean everything I can from the Father. I'm about to get real honest here so bear with me.

I hit my final breaking point Monday night. I think I cried harder than I have in an entire year. What's ironic is that a year ago around this very time I hit a very similar breaking point. I mourned, and processed, and gave myself a limit of one night. The next morning I arose to take on the journey ahead claiming freedom over my heart and persevering through the storm. A year ago a relationship that was so unhealthy for me finally broke. My heart wept unceasingly for several hours. The funny thing is that I was never in a romantic relationship with this best friend of mine, yet, I felt the deepest pain as a part of myself died that night. We must die to self in order to fully live. So in reality I didn't lose any part of me, I only lost the part of myself that wasn't meant to be there. Does that make sense? I am separating 'self' from 'me' because 'self' is selfish and 'me' is everything that I am at the very root of my being, it's how I was born. Anyway, that's a whole post in itself. Moving forward...

Here I am almost exactly a year later experiencing similar mourning. I cannot believe that an entire year has flown by. I have this wonderful guy friend that popped up out of the blue and our relationship just grew. I won't press much into detail out of respect for him and myself but as you can imagine we became rather fond of each other over the course of a year. Well, we ended up back in the same city and that's when things started to weigh on me. A month went by before I decided that my heart needed clarification on our future. He was incredibly honoring and respectful. I questioned whether I was deserving of that kind of treatment because all I had ever know was exactly opposite of that. It was wonderful and yet it softened my heart even more towards him. As it came to be, we didn't make plans to further our relationship that day. I had peace. I was, and still am, excited about what the Lord is doing in both of our lives--of course that doesn't make it easy. But, that's not what I want to talk about here. This is not some post to talk about why things happened the way they did, or what I had hoped for. The decisions that were made were wise and I respect them for both our counts.

Emotional investment is probably one of the deepest and most pure parts to my nature. Perhaps it's that "Davison gene" in my body that has me tied to another humans heart like a string on a kite. There's something that grabs hold of me as I interact with other people. My heart automatically takes on an advocacy role. I want to be 'for you' just as the Lord is. I want to stand by your side and lift you up. I want to help you carry the burden. I want you to know that you are seen. My heart is for you and sometimes that's the most beautiful thing we can offer to a friend; it's a part of our heart that shares in grief or joy or uncertainty, my heart breaks for what breaks yours. Because whatever it is...if it is important to you, it's important to me, because you are important to me. So here's where I get myself in some trouble. Emotional boundaries are not my forté. I'm learning this. It's a hard lesson to learn, especially with how I am learning it, but I am grateful.

I am an actress. I am an entertainer. I am a girl. All of these things contribute to one very emotional...sometimes over-emotional...23, going on 24, year old girl. I'm not one much with words in person, but I have more emotions than sometimes I know how to handle myself. With all this said, I have realized that although the decision was made to not invest in each other in a sense of furthering a romantic relationship I never separated my emotions from the relationship. Why would I need to? I ask myself. I'm perfectly fine with how things are going. We are still good friends...I'm only sharing the part of my heart that I would share if it were anyone. Wrong. It's quite a bit harder to come back from a relationship that was headed towards being a full on romantic relationship than it is if that line had never been crossed. There's a special part of my heart--and I have written on this before--that so desires to be selfless with someone, to advocate for someone, to push them towards their dreams. I had started to share that part of my heart, that part of me that I should have been more guarded with.

Perhaps, without meaning to, we often take from people we shouldn't be taking from without realizing it. Maybe we desire the affirmation and the encouragement. Perhaps, we don't know that we are taking what is not rightly ours...or...perhaps we do. Whatever the case may be, it's not only on the shoulders of the one doing the taking, but just as well it is on the shoulders of the one who isn't guarding against the taking. This could be within the scope of family relationships, friendly relationships, and romantic relationships. In my case as of current it's within a what could have been a romantic relationship. Emotional ties are hard to break and take probably the longest to heal. I've never before experienced emotionally what I have over the past months, and I don't mean the kind of emotions. I mean to say that I hadn't made the disconnect that I needed to in order to move forward and allow my heart to heal like it should. I left my emotions vulnerable and open for the taking and I willingly lent them and gave them away. That sounds so dramatic...but I mean...come on...we are taking about emotions here. I had not set my boundaries like I should. I found myself feeling defeated and didn't understand why I felt this way when everything was good, it was all right. I wasn't heading the caution that I should have. It's o.k. though. I don't regret giving what I have. I only now know what I should do in the future. I feel honored to have been a part of sharing in those parts of life with someone. I feel thankful to have been able to be selfless with someone and to care for someone as I have. I know that I can be, in that capacity, for someone, someday, and you know what? They will be too, and it will be beautiful.

I'm currently sitting in a local Blacksburg coffee shop that a friend recommended to me..(thanks Nathan!)...and I am thinking on the past few days on the road. No, not Jack Kerouac's version of On the Road but my own adventure as it is. I spent some time with a dear friend of mine watching planes land at a local Lynchburg regional airport over cups of starbies. I think we sat there for 4 hours. I have to mention that before this we had lunch at a mexican restaurant and I have come to the conclusion that if I am ever needing a confidence booster I should get mexican because those guys think they are so charming getting their flirt on with all the ladies...I'll take it. ;) Back to the airport!

We sat there for 4 hours and talked, and sang, and talked, and just enjoyed each other's company. My dear Jordan is soon leaving on a big jet plane for probably one of the biggest steps in her young adult life and I'm so very excited for her! So we talked a bit about that, and then she asked me about the dream that I have that is mine. Now I know when people ask me what I want to do in my life what my answer is and that answer is about partnering with people...but it's funny that she asked me about the dream that will be mine to pursue because I have thought about this here and there. I'm thinking and realizing that maybe the Lord will have me take a dream head on and lead on this one. That's kinda a scary thought. I think over the course of my years in college I thought more about joining with people in a movement rather than starting a wave myself. Now, this is about as far as I have come in my thoughts on this but I do want to start praying about this. I know that I won't be left without answers...and that's what scares me a bit. I am working on following through on what I know I should do, but struggle to. I'll procrastinate a bit...test the waters a bit...look it over a bit...hold on to what I already know a bit...when really I just need to do it. It's easy to say you will do something...the follow through is what counts. Ahhh. Now we get to the subject title! I am working on following through on putting up boundaries where they are needed within my relationships and pursuing the things I know I should, those foundational absolutes I talked about a couple posts ago. I had a conversation with my dear Sarah Grice today about following through on what we know we should do...but I am selfish and I just want to keep doing life the way I'm doing it becausssseee it's hurting me? No. Wait. What? That doesn't make sense; but does the heart ever? I'm definitely laughing to myself right now.

So I made this hike a couple days ago. Four miles out to McAfee Knob and four miles back to my car. I hiked this alone. Well over an hour out to the scenic overlook and over an hour back to my car. Probably not the smartest or safest thing to do but I am so glad I did it. It was difficult at parts. My heart raced. I glistened (that's a nice way for saying I was sweating). I jogged for stints and walked for others. In all this time I thought about a lot of things. It really did a number for my heart. Heartbreak needed to be worked out and I got my silent time with the Lord and nature. My friend Sara calls me a naturalist; that is the sense that I see God in nature and always meet Him there. I experience the Lord in the purest way I can, in the most tangible way I can, here on this earth. So I walked and talked with God and reached the top and the second I overlooked the scene before me my heart stopped. "Oh my, Lord." I exclaimed aloud. I stood in awe. I quickly asked a group of guys who were just leaving the top to snap a couple photos for me. Two minutes later they were gone and it was just me and creation. I was lightheaded, probably because of the elevation but also because I was overcome. I stood there, then I sat there, and audibly gave the Lord praise for His handiwork. I opened up my arms and I let go. I released so many things on that mountain top. I laughed and I cried. I sang and I shouted. I took in as much as I could as the sun began to do it's little dance heading down the western part of the hemisphere. I took the deepest of breaths and said goodbye to the moment promising to forever cherish it.

I got back to my car and for the first time in quite a while...I felt free. I carry this with me now and I pray I don't forget. Of course I guess I could always reflect back on this post as a reminder but I have committed to do my best at following through. Whether that is with placing boundaries where they need to be placed, praying about the things I should be praying about, or focusing on those foundational absolutes. I want to follow through. I want to be not one of just words, but also one of corresponding and echoing action.

Simply,

Gabrielle

**One other learn I gleaned from my trek the other day...as I was walking I could take a bit to look around but I really had to pay attention to my footing. A metaphor arose as I thought about how there were moments when I could look up and walk comfortably and moments when I continually had to look down for each step--which was most of the time--this is a part of the Appalachian trail in the Blue Ridge that we are talking about. But, I was reminded through thinking about this that sometimes God allows us to see a bit ahead, but then most times we have to only focus on the steps he has given us just before us or else we might lose our footing, and sprained ankles hurt!! I can testify I have had more than my fair share! So right now, and I think this goes for most of us in our 20's I can see the couple steps in front of me as they are given. If I dare look too far ahead or try to I may end up missing my step and each step is a crucial one.

Not A Valentines Post

Well my friends it's February. I guess I've missed a month of blogging but that doesn't mean I can't start now! So here we go. At least two posts a month. That's my goal. Keep me accountable will ya? ;)

Here's a little dose of what has been on my mind lately. I'm doing some re-evaluating of my time and how I am spending it and where I am spending it and why. Something that I have been trying to be better at is being intentional with people. I'm not sure that I shared that here in my blog at any point in past months, so, if I haven't, basically I have been wanting to not only say I am going to do something but also follow through on those things. A lot of it comes down to my relationships. I don't want to just say that I would like to get coffee with you but I am going to say it and mean it. It can become hard when you walk into a local shop here in Virginia Beach so close to the university I not only attended, but also now work full time at ,because I am bound to see not only one person I know but probably a couple. So basically I am expanding my being intentional with people to also being intentional with my time. 

So what's that look like? Well, I have my absolutes that I am needing to focus on first and then build on those from there. Last semester I dove in head first to my job, small groups, church, and extra curriculars. Let's just say that it was a lot. Especially after spending most days by myself in Texas over the past year. That year went quick. 7 months of being back in Virginia Beach has gone quick. Life is speeding up I swear. So my absolutes are as follows: 

• Personal with the Lord - Daily Manna. Plain and simple. Not saying that time with the Lord is plain and simple. You get what I mean. :) It's an area that needs some work in my life since I moved back to Virginia. It was so easy being home, waking up at 930am and starting my day with the Lord. Now with a full time job and other responsibilities it's a bit harder and so I'm learning. Not failing. Learning, growing, and challenging myself in this new season. 

• Wednesday nights I go to a discipleship group called "Love Feast" - So this group is a group I attended last semester and that's how I met my mentee! (no not manatee) I really get to glean a lot from Sara who is a friend of mine who leads the group and her husband Mike (also a friend of mine) who is a part of my "family group." I feel like a mentor or someone to look up to within my family which is kind of neat. It also makes me more aware that I am being watched. I think it's a really good environment for me to be in. 

• Friday nights I meet with a group of artists called "The Gathering" - I just started attending recently but really they have only been meeting for a little over a month so I haven't missed out on much. Many of the members couldn't believe that I just started attending because they could have sworn I was around when it all started up. I feel at home with these creative and inspirational souls.

• I am a mentor to a 18 year old girl in undergrad who is the absolute sweetest. We meet sometime throughout every week depending on our schedules. I think I am doing just as much learning and growing as she is in our meetings together. The Lord continues to surprise me with the little nuggets of wisdom that come from my mouth. Sometimes it's just what I need to hear as well. I cannot tell you how much I love pouring out and into her life and being of encouragement to her. 

• Sunday's I have church - This is another area where I am looking at where I need to be. I have been attending the same church I went to as a student and for some reason in the past month I have felt like I need to start visiting elsewhere. We will see what comes of this in time.

•  Work Monday through Friday - Of course this is an absolute that takes up quite a bit of my life. 40+ hours of my week to be exact.

• Love & Scissors - If you know me well you know that I am a part of a non-profit called Love & Scissors which is an anti-human trafficking organization that I do administrative, marketing, and event planning work for. I just recently became committed as more than just a volunteer which is very exciting. Big things are coming and we are spending some time dreaming which is always exciting. 

 So with those being my absolutes I am accounting for all the rest of my time which is precious since it isn't much. The rest of my time is spent being intentional with people and taking time to myself. I am needing more introverted moments. More time to myself to write, read, create, and dream. Sweet moments where I come home, make dinner, cuddle up in bed and watch an episode of Parenthood...because I can. More moments of getting off work to make my way to Cafe Moka to drink tea and read or write or knit. Peaceful moments. So good for my spirit. So needed. 

All of this writing, perhaps too much, to say that I am re-evaluating how I spend my time. I want to spend it wisely and to spend it in a manner that has me coming away inspired, or refreshed, or at rest, or excited. You get the idea. 

I suppose that's it for now. Just a long list of things. Nothing to significant or ground breaking. Just a little bit of life. 

 

Here's me // Happy Valentines Day

If you expected there to be some sort of irony in regards to my title of this post...sorrynotsorry. hahaha 

A Beautiful Farewell

I feel as though my brain has been reeling with so many thoughts as this year is coming to it's close, and the next is only two hours away (1 hour for my friends on the east coast). A year ago today I was in Missouri packing up my bags in preparation to fly out New Years day to Virginia. I finished packing and spent the rest of the night watching the ball drop with a couple family members. Below is the photo that I posted on New Years day a year ago...a bit of foreshadowing you think? ;)

So I have decided to talk a little bit about the highlights of 2014 and some of the things that I learned as well as some things I am reflecting on. This may be a really honest post...but honestly what have I written in the past year that wasn't? 

Learned Lesson # 1 :: Be Honest With Myself

Oosh. So spending a year at home which would have been about 1/2 of 2014 definitely gave me the opportunity to reflect on life. I had a lot of time to be in the now because there wasn't a next step to look to. I'm realizing how beautiful that time was and how therapeutic it was to just be in the present, not planning too far ahead and taking life as it came, daily. It gave me ample opportunity to get to know myself a little better and to be really honest with myself. I mean, think about it, life gets busy, and if you all know me, I am filling every minute of every day with something. When life gets busy we tend to neglect ourselves. I guess I hadn't really noticed how much I need "me" time until I recognized its importance in my life. I did a lot of writing this past year, a lot more than I had in a very long time. I hope to do even more writing and reflecting in the coming year. I want to be honest with myself because that's how I learn and grow.

Lesson Learned # 2 :: I Am A Verbal Processor & I Need To Learn To Love It

Accept it. Love it. Well....at least I have one of those things locked down. :] Girls talk a lot...and then there's Gabe and others like her who tend to run the same topic into the ground or what I have otherwise come to call it, word-vomit. I exhaust myself with talking. It happens. It's a real thing. I'm not just someone to talk because I like to hear myself talk or to talk about non-sense. When I verbally process it most always is about something that important to me. Well if I think back on a post from last January I talked about how I had coffee and lunch in VA with a bajillion people and they all just about asked the same questions...so...I processed, and I learned A LOT. I went back to Texas with new thoughts in my head and new songs in my heart. & I quote from me a year ago: "The really cool thing is that when I was processing life with people I was learning and realizing the realities of what life has been like over the months and how I have grown as an individual." Well, past me, we are still on the same page there. Over the past year I have processed deserts and flowing streams, I have processed love and heart break, I have processed beginnings and endings, I have processed acceptance and letting go, and so so much more. I'm actually sitting here laughing to myself over the mixed memories that are flooding my mind right now. I'm still working on the loving the fact that I verbally process but accepting it is the first part and seeing what positives lie in the fact that it's a part of me. If you have lent an ear to me over the past year I am so thankful not only for someone to listen but for those who shared parts of my heart because those words. that's exactly what they are. 

        

 

 

To those who lent an ear

To those who heard my heart

To those who echoed back

I can't encompass enough words to say

 I'm thankful.

How ironic.

 

Lesson Learned # 3 :: Give Room For Growth

I learned quite a bit in this area. I realized how important it is in relationships to give room for the other person to grow. I have a whole blog post on the topic called Re-potting plants. People grow and change. I am not who I was yesterday and I don't plan to be the same tomorrow. I think not only did I learn about allowing others room to grow within my relationships now but a lot about how important it is for a healthy marriage. Along with giving others room to grow I also am learning to give myself room to grow. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to becoming stagnant or falling into falsehoods of who I have been in my past. Gotta make room for a new foundation. Gotta give way for new roots to take to fresh soil. 

Lesson Learned # 4 :: The Most Magical Adventures Arise When You Aren't Looking For Them

So a good friend of mine got engaged and was planning a wedding for January 4th 2014 (Happy Almost Anni Kack & Tay!) & I was invited to attend the wedding but also asked to be the weekend coordinator/director....so logically, off to Virginia I flew Jan 1st 2014. As you read above in my instagram post "Hopefully this is a foreshadowing of the rest of 2014." In this year I have flown to Virginia Beach for a wedding, drove to Oklahoma City for a wedding, worked and volunteered in Guatemala at a children's orphanage, drove to Tennessee for a much needed friendcation, flew to FL for family vacation, moved 1/2 way across the country to Virginia (again), traveled all over Maryland, Delaware, Virginia and New Jersey for my job and most recently got back from a trip to Iceland. Most all of these travels weren't planned far in advanced but the opportunities presented themselves and I chose to take advantage of them. It's kinda neat how each one of these adventures came to be. I would go in detail about them all but that would take quite a bit of time. This year has been full of travels and cultural experiences. I have loved life on the road and in the air. My thirst for exploring the world around me has turned into wanderlust. If 2014 held all of this I cannot wait to see what 2015 has in store. I'm realizing how important it is to experience this earth before I'm not here to see the majesties God has created. My heart longs to be outdoors amongst pathless forests, overgrown gardens and standing on the edge of mountaintops. So here's to dreaming and waiting to see what opportunities come my way.

Lesson Learned # 5 :: Desire Is Not Longing & It's Not Wrong

This is something I wrote about most recently called "Let's Do Life Together". There's something to be said about the differences between desire and longing. So if you haven't read that post from November it's all about doing life with someone. I feel as though "desire" is a more appropriate word to use when talking about having a significant other to experience and do life with than longing. Longing implies that one is discontent and wishing for something they do not possess. I would say that desire is an underlying feeling that doesn't always reflect feelings of discontent. If that doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, it's about 2am eastern time and I am just about wiped but pushing through to finish this! I have questioned myself and found that I am desire-full but not longing for someone to share life with. I went aboooout...I'd say 21 years of my life, not really thinking much about sharing life with someone. Then desire set in and I questioned myself. Am I discontent with where I am? Am I going to become a girl who consumed by longing to be dating someone and longing to just get married? Bleh! No! I actually love where I am right now. I love the added freedoms that come with being single and the things I get to do because I have those freedoms. But this doesn't mean that I don't desire to share day to day life with someone. I am not a dater. I don't date. I've been out on a couple coffee dates here and there, a couple lunch dates, and even a dinner date was proposed, to which I said "let's just stick to lunch." Dinner is a whole different ball game people. haha. I'm not a fan of dating. I am a fan of best friends and falling in love. I am a fan of getting to know someone through sharing life with them. I want to take a walk together, read together, explore together, just be. I want to share so many things that I love and that are important to me with someone. I want to share the important people in my life with that person. I want to share in their life, their hopes, their dreams and greet challenges with them. All of these things and more I believe I mention in that blog, so I won't take any longer to get descriptive here. Anywho, I have come to learn that just because I desire to do life with someone doesn't mean I'm longing for it and just because I desire to share life with someone doesn't make it wrong. I am still waking up and doing life every day. I am still embracing the freedoms that come with being single. I am taking in every moment this Christmas with my family realizing that one day they won't JUST be mine but that I will share them and while that will be the best ever, I only get my family to myself, just like this, right now. This Christmas will never repeat itself. I get to sit on my grandpas lap and share beds with my sister and just enjoy my family as it is now, right now. Who knows what next year will bring. I will say I am more excited and anxious than ever to share my family with someone. I am so thankful for my family and extended family. This New Year I'm taking it all in because time flies and I want to take it all in and have the chance to appreciate and take hold of every moment I can.

So many lessons were learned but there you have just a few. I got a bit length on that last one but I'm pretty passionate about them all. In closing, it's been an exciting and unforgettable year full of so many surprises and blessings. Farewell my dear 2014 and the beauties that you were, hello 2015 and the beauties that you'll bring!

 

xoxo, gabrielle