The Road Doesn't End Here...

It's been a while dear friend. There have been many instances where I have wanted to sit down to blog but the time and place never suited such. Then I get to my hotel room and all I want to do is take a hot shower and curl up with the duvet. Life on the road has been a whirlwind. I definitely cannot believe that it's already mid October. Excuse me, when did that happen?

Let me set the scene for you. It's a sunny but chilly 45 degrees outside. I'm sitting in a cafe called Drip Cafe // Coffee & Brunch. It's a cozy place that will be closing in a mere 30 minutes...so I'm typing crazy quick. Also, partly because that cup of coffee was just so good. There's a beautiful painting on the wall a good 50 feet from me. I could probably stare at it for a good few hours. I guess that detail wasn't necessarily needed but there you have it. Describing rather than showing is an art form in itself. I hope by writing I am growing in that area. To build the connection between what I say and what you perceive.

In any case, all of this to say I have some unfinished business that I would like to attend to. Things such as finishing my documentary on my trip to Colorado, writing about that trip itself (long overdue), writing about my fall travels and sharing some stories of my own and others that have left an imprint on my heart along the way. I want to share the moments that made my heart come alive and the moments that broke it. All of these things and so many more. I've been learning so much and a great deal about myself. There's beauty in the head-space I have been able to acquire this fall. There's freedom in it. I'm definitely thankful for it especially knowing that when I get back to the office I will have to make time to break away and find that head-space. A challenge I am accepting.

Although my time on this road is coming to it's close, it doesn't end here. I'm super stoked about the possibilities of the future. This journey is only a preview.

"What are you doing?"

• scribed after the longest and quickest day ever •

I have the strongest desire to write lately. I have so many thoughts I don't know how to keep them all wrapped up in this head of mine. A lot of my writings have been in personal journals which has been very good...but there's also a part of me that wants to continue to share with other people where I am and what's going on in life. Connection. Fellowship. Coffee dates. Lunch dates. Two minute elevator chats. We all have a story to tell. I'm an artist. An actress. A documentarian of sorts (still figuring that one out). Telling my story or helping to tell the stories of others is a deep inset desire and almost natural reaction to the life I live day by day. So my friends...here's my story for today.

I have one question that I have been consistently asking God the past almost 5 months: "What are you doing?" This is not accusatory. This is not disrespectful. This is my declaration, that my life is not my own and I don't always have a grip on reality. This is my humility. This question comes about when I'm on the road with hours between point A and point B. It has come about when I find myself celebrating the matrimony of two beloved friends. It comes as I'm floating down a river, the tips of my fingers grazing the waters. It comes when I'm sitting down one-on-one with a friend, laughing till we both cry. It happens when everything is still, silent, and stable. It came about when I hiked through the Rocky Mountains through the rain and amongst some of the most breath taking scenery. It happens when someone I love has been hurt and I'm infuriated by the injustice of it all. It comes when something ends just as soon as it began. When my worlds are colliding and I'm not so sure we aren't all more connected than we think. It happens when I begin to discover new things about myself. This question is the heart behind all of my hello's, and especially my goodbyes. 

• finished scribing 3 days later over an autumn tea latte •

Sometimes the question is whispered...and other times the question is screamed within the four doors of my little Ford Fusion. Let's be real. This is not the only question I'm asking right now but it's most definitely the question at the foundation of all my other unending questions. This question requires a lot of patience. It's not one that is always quickly or easily answered. It's a bit of good ol' character building. I had such a lovely conversation with a new friend of mine last evening. Lauren Stonestreet and I talked about photography and film and all that comes with being in your 20's and asking this question. She mentioned her perspective in the process of stretching, asking deep and challenging questions of herself and the Lord is that she is like a new wineskin. She is being stretched and prepared for the new unfermented wine to be poured in. There's an important process and preparation for new wine. You cannot pour new wine into an old wineskin because it would burst. It's all about that carbon dioxide and such. There's a pretty good explanation of it online here. Any who, Lauren and I talking couldn't have been more appointed. I may have started to tear up as we talked (I kinda get like that over things I'm passionate about). I'm pretty sure I drowned out all the noise of the late night pizza bar scene that was playing every popular early 2000's pop song known to man. Talk about middle school dance flashbacks! 

I don't have a lot of answers. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's really uncomfortable to not have answers. I don't like to meditate on the fact that I don't have the answers I might desire to have. Bitterness leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I've experienced way too many people around me who fall into bitterness and it eventually starts to consume them. It makes me sad for them. I don't want that. So I will ask my question. Whenever it may surface in whatever form or fashion it may come about. I'll ask expectantly but not expecting. The one answer I have that brings me peace through the waiting is the Lord's all-knowing and promising response of: "Oh my sweet Gabrielle, just you wait and see." 

& cue the teary eyes,

Gabrielle

• Fall 2014 •

Weeks Later, Never Too Late

It may be about two weeks since I returned to Virginia but I haven't forgotten about sharing some photos and thoughts on my time in Colorado. Things have been quite busy with catching up on work, sending off friends on grand adventures, and helping to get two very good friends hitched without a hitch. ;) Ha. Ha. See what I did there?

I'll leave you with a little teaser. Just a few photos and comments to get by because I really want to share on this adventure with you all. For now, this is what I can do. My family comes in town tomorrow and I get a little more vacay with them the rest of the week so maybe I will have some chill time to sort through some photos and get them into the develop stage. If not, bear with me. Trust me. You'll want to see more.

The drive out to the trail head.

My favorite trees and soooo many wildflowers!

The hike out. I love that it was rainy and overcast most of the time.

Most of my free time.

12,900 ft up. Pretty rad.

Summit hike with some of the crew.

Snuck up on this girl doing some stretching. She's a dancer.

Another Kels original.

The views didn't disappoint.

Camp! After a 6 mile hike through the rain and over rivers and creeks and through valleys.

Soarin'.... Flyin'.... There's Not A ....

Being ridiculous was an absolute.

Pretty much...

...the best hiking companions.

Kels has a pretty good eye.

Punch Bowl Social

This kinda sums it up.

It's not often that I have my photo taken.

Savoring.

Freely,

Gabrielle

Expectant Not Expecting

In a mere 24 hours I will have landed in the great state of Colorado for a much needed vacation getaway. I'm saying goodbye to Ol' Virginia for 8 days and hello to those beautiful Rocky Mountains. My heart starts to race just thinking about the majesty that I will behold. I will be staying with a dear sister-friend who is originally from right here in Virginia Beach. Just so happens that the week I threw out to her in hopes of my visit, with less than a months notice, is the only week she doesn't have anything she is committed to with her job. Can you say perfection? So I booked my ticket on July 3rd and didn't look back. Uncertainty is a funny thing. Sometimes the planner in me just has to make the leap, take the step, or make the drive half way across the country to realize although I didn't have it planned out, the Lord certainly did.

Why Colorado you may ask? Well, it helps that I have 5 friends who live out there already. But, other than having connections I felt the pull. I've been to Colorado 6 times growing up. Ski trips with the youth group and a couple times with my family for vacation and my dad's job related travel. The last time I was in Colorado was 2 years ago. I spent Christmas in a cabin with my family. I've only been during winter and fall so being there in the summer is going to be a treat!

I want to find myself humbled. I want to be overwhelmed by experiencing creation in it's rawest and purest form. I'm going back to The Garden. This is a concept I have talked about here before and it's one that I think I will always hold on to. As an artist we can find ourselves overstimulated and overwhelmed with creating. Well, I have something to add to that. As an artist sometimes I can find myself uninspired and seeking purpose. Getting back to "The Garden" is in a sense saying that as an artist, especially as a Christian, I desire to be reminded of why I create in the first place. Getting outside and experiencing creation at it's foundation can be rejuvenating, encouraging, motivating, and affirming. I'm looking forward to, in a sense, a week sabbatical.

So now I get to the point in the blog where I explain why I chose to title this post "Expectant Not Expecting." I'm going into this trip with an open mind and heart. I want to be expectant of great things during my time in Colorado and expectant of great things to come. What I do not want is to go in expecting certain selfish desires. I don't want to find myself expecting because if I try to plan out what I want to happen and it doesn't happen that way then I stressed myself out and put my heart in a place to be let down. This goes for the plans that are made for things I may do while I'm there and it goes for the way that the Lord is going to work on me while I am there. The only things I am expecting while I am there is to experience the Lord and His creation alongside my beautiful friends, That's it. I'm keeping it simple. I want to leave as much room as possible for the Lord to take control.

I hope to be sharing some of my time with you all here. I'll also be posting photos on my instagram and snapping some of my trip. If not, then I will have plenty to share when I return.

Freely, Gabrielle

& with that I leave you with this picture from my last vacation in Iceland

The Start of Something Small

Click The Image Above To Be Directed To Vimeo

••• Monday was not my typical day of the week. I made plans with two of my beautiful soul sisters for the day. Monday rolled around and one of them became sick so my dear friend Ashley and I decided to embrace the day together. Coffee seemed to be the best way to kick off the day so we found ourselves at Cafe Stella in Norfolk. We talked of many things. She's an inspiration.

••• This time of fellowship was a bit different for me in-particular. "I've been struggling to be social. I usually have questions after question to ask. I'm not doing well with small talk. The thought of going out and being among groups of friends and other people is overwhelming," I apologized. "Welcome to my everyday life." She replied. What do you do with an extrovert or a verbal processor who doesn't want to be surrounded by people or talk. I've been asked and have asked myself recently if this is just a season of being introverted or if I really am an introvert. I reevaluated myself and whereas a few years ago it was pretty much obvious that I was an extrovert, now, I have a moderate preference of extroversion over introversion. I have a theory about why I think there has been a recent change in my preference.

••• The past two years I have been learning how to be alone...how to be on my own. I moved to Texas where I didn't have any friends and spent most of my time by myself. Coffee shops, my books, my computer, my camera and myself. I then transitioned back into a community here in Virginia and started a job where I spend about 65% of my time by myself. I am alone in my cubicle. I am alone as I travel on the road. At first, being alone really bothered me but that's when I chose to take control of what I could to make my time by myself special. I'd start my days in Texas by opening up the window (if it wasn't a bajillion degrees outside), I'd read, write a little, make a good breakfast, pour a chemex of coffee into my tea cup and embrace the day around noon. On the road I plan my days so that I can visit new restaurants and local coffee shops. I find a museum to venture around or take an 8 mile hike by myself...I know, I know, not safe. But, I only did that one time and it was glorious.

••• All of that to say I am an extrovert that is leaning more towards being introverted over the past month. The past year has been a lot of investing. Investing time in people. Investing time in work. Investing time in activities. Investing time in art. Investing time in students. Investing time in travel. Lots and lots of investing. I'm needing a bit of a recharge I guess you could say. In less than a week I leave for some much needed vacation. Colorado is calling my heart and I must follow it. I'll be heading out to the Rocky Mountains for 6 days. I'm not making many plans but I am expectant of good talks, and silence, long walks and hikes, climbing whatever I can climb, chasing sunsets and sunrises, coffee and good food, culture, and a full range of emotions...because when girl-friends get together and when you're experiencing the Lord and His majesty...it happens. I'm looking forward to filling up with the Lord. I'll definitely be asking a lot of questions and perhaps I will receive some answers.

••• I'll be trying to write a bit while I am out there. I'll definitely be uploading some photos to my instagram & snapchat but other than that I'm going to cut out a lot of other communicative mediums. I'm cutting ties with Virginia for 6 days. So now that I have overwhelmed this post with verbiage to get to something I really wanted to share. True Confession: I haven't filmed anything intentional in over a year. Quite honestly I can't believe that this year has gone by as quickly as it has. If you had asked me as I was driving half way across the country I never could have told you what things would leave their impression on my life 12 months down the road. (pun not intended). In almost exactly a month I will look back and see the purpose in many things, and for the others I will continue forward, expectant of great purpose to come. This clip is a beginning. It's a start. Perhaps my time with Ashley was just what I needed to get started in making the thought a reality. This is my way of sharing what I love, what I find beautiful, what captivates me, what resonates. It's my way of sharing life. My mini venture with Ashley was one of inspiration, observation, and being. In future, I hope to share more moments of "doing life." Here's to the start. Even if it's a small one. 

Freely, Gabrielle

To Be Seen

"I've forgotten how to be photographed," I said. "...I think you've forgotten how to be seen..." she replied.

The Run Away Girl

"Can we just run away?" She asked so innocently. 

Her heart shone through her eyes; a look of desire for adventure and a hope for new horizons to embrace. 

"I'm alive and I want the earth to know it." 

Jo I Miss Her So

Dearest Jordan, I don't know how exactly our friendship came to be.

Fate. I suppose it was. Regardless, my dear, you are an inspiration.

(Just a little reminder from January 2015)

"This weekend I took a trip some with friends to Lynchburg. While many of my friends took to the snowy mountains peaks to board I spent time exploring the burg with Jordan, attended my first hockey game, decided I like hockey, drank lots of coffee, took lots of pictures and enjoyed just kinda going with the flow of the weekend. Time spent in Lynchburg was therapeutic in a lot of ways. Although my body may be exhausted from staying up till 3 am and getting up at 9 am a couple times (way past my bedtime) it was well worth it. My heart and spirit are well rested and encouraged by talks of dreams, passions, faith, insecurities, strengths, growth and the ever exciting unknown full of endless possibility. My heart sighed a lot this weekend and reminded me that releasing control should be more of a constant in life."

Expect the Unexpected

There's really no way to prepare for the unexpected. How could you know how to prepare for the unexpected when it is not yet known? So why even take the time to say that we should expect the unexpected. I suppose it's because the only preparation we can make for anything unexpected is to have open expectation, to be willing to take on whatever may come.

expect [ik-spekt] 

verb (used with object)

1.

to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the  coming of:

I expect to read it. I expect him later. She expects that they will come.

2.

to look for with reason or justification:

We expect obedience.

3.

Informal. to suppose or surmise; guess:

I expect that you are tired from the trip.

4.

to anticipate the birth of (one's child):

Paul and Sylvia expect their second very soon.

To be expectant is to look forward to, to suppose, to anticipate. But none of these things necessarily equate to preparation itself. Preparation is a whole thing in itself but we often pair preparation with expectation like a good glass of wine and fine cheese. I think what I am learning about expectation is that there really is no way to be fully prepared. Especially when on this tiny planet we call The World, living this little thing we call Life.

Life is ever changing and surprising. If we stop to think about it, we live our lives by expectation everyday, preparing as much as we can for what we know the day may hold, and supposing the rest by what information we can gather and piece together for the endless possibilities. I think I have just come to the realization that if I had to choose to live my life one way or another I would probably choose to live an expectant life rather than a life fully prepared. My adventure heart-strings and wanderlust spirit would die within me if I lived a life fully prepared. Now, don't get me wrong, for those of you who know me you know that I am a planner. I am all about the details. But, there is something beautiful about the big picture that I am still learning about. I think my spirit ultimately longs to embrace the big picture. It's exciting! It's inviting! It's adventure calling! There has to be a healthy mix for everyone. I can only imagine the stress and anxiety that some people suffer when they are stuck in a planned and prepared lifestyle, and when I say this I mean to reference to extreme planning and preparing. Cinematically I can imagine a story about a mid-twenty something female who is obsesses over having the planned and prepared life. Only to find that everything that can "go wrong" does, because it's not within her plans or control. Yet, they are only wrong because it's "not a part of the plan." The sad part of it all is that these unexpected happenings could be beautiful, or are, but she is so blinded by her own control that she can't see it. 

I do not want to be the embodiment to this somewhat fictional character. I want to learn to accept change and the unexpected with grace. I want to be able to have peace when a curve ball is thrown my way. I want to be excited about the possibility ahead rather than worried about details of the now and to come. I want to choose that when things happen they are in perfect timing. What a sad life it would be to come to the end of it and realize that it was all about me. What a meaningless life it would be to live it knowing that I was in control of everything and everyone. We would have no sense of accomplishment. No sense of achievement. We wouldn't grow. Simply, we would exist to keep going till we can't anymore, and I don't want that. 

So here we are encouraged to expect the unexpected and this is the first time I have thought about this in-depth. I am hoping that all of these words I just exploded on the page are making sense. I'm coming to the conclusion that being expectant doesn't mean that you have to be prepared. There is movement in our culture to "plan for the unexpected" but I honestly don't think that it's possible to live that way. You can't plan for the unexpected because all we can plan for is what we know may be possible and those are not unexpected things. It's a life lived by faith. It's a life lived in trust. It's a life lived by expectation. It's living a life open to "come what may."

Good Morning Baltimore // A Little Dose Of My Day

 None of these photos are edited. Raw baby! Eat it up. This is the real stuff. Pre-edit. I'm being so transparent right now. Enjoy a couple shots from my afternoon in Baltimore!

The outside or the Kimpton the old B&O Railway Headquarters

Gorgeous Interiors

Spent a good deal of time admiring details of the Kimpton

Yes, Puhleeze!

My office space this evening

No better way to get some work done 

How refreshing & the lighting was simply beautiful (lemon water)

This is Frank he was really helpful since it was my first time at Nalley Fresh!

This delectable bowl includes: Herbed Salmon, Spinach, Quinoa, Crasins, Feta, and a Cilantro Lime Vinagarette

This may be a bit much but...I'm a Giraffe!! Complimentary Kimpton robes!

Nuh-night,

Gabrielle