I will...Because I...

I am very fond of the three lined quote below. So much so that I decided to add to it to make it more personal. I actually read the final additions aloud to my housemate and only made it half way through before my throat was in knots and I started to cry. I pushed through but it wasn't pretty. "There's a lot to unpack in all of those lines." She said. And that, she is right. There's much to process and much to embrace. I'm thankful for reflection. A chance to appreciate the journey and look forward to the adventure. So with this... I give you my continuation of the inspirational quote I am so fond of. My personal addition begins with line number 4.

"I will be strong because I have been weak.

I will be fearless because I have been afraid. 

I will be wise because I have been foolish."

I will be excited because I have faced disappointment. 

I will live actively because I have taken rest. 

I will take rest because I have been active. 

I will travel because I have this one life. 

I will grow because I have been challenged. 

I will bless others because I have been given much. 

I will think well of myself because I have torn myself down. 

I will have more faith because I have doubted. 

I will be patient because I have been hasty. 

I will be loving because I have been loved.

What will you? Because You?

Lovingly,

Gabrielle

raw photos...kinda like negatives for the digital age

The Start of Something Small

Click The Image Above To Be Directed To Vimeo

••• Monday was not my typical day of the week. I made plans with two of my beautiful soul sisters for the day. Monday rolled around and one of them became sick so my dear friend Ashley and I decided to embrace the day together. Coffee seemed to be the best way to kick off the day so we found ourselves at Cafe Stella in Norfolk. We talked of many things. She's an inspiration.

••• This time of fellowship was a bit different for me in-particular. "I've been struggling to be social. I usually have questions after question to ask. I'm not doing well with small talk. The thought of going out and being among groups of friends and other people is overwhelming," I apologized. "Welcome to my everyday life." She replied. What do you do with an extrovert or a verbal processor who doesn't want to be surrounded by people or talk. I've been asked and have asked myself recently if this is just a season of being introverted or if I really am an introvert. I reevaluated myself and whereas a few years ago it was pretty much obvious that I was an extrovert, now, I have a moderate preference of extroversion over introversion. I have a theory about why I think there has been a recent change in my preference.

••• The past two years I have been learning how to be alone...how to be on my own. I moved to Texas where I didn't have any friends and spent most of my time by myself. Coffee shops, my books, my computer, my camera and myself. I then transitioned back into a community here in Virginia and started a job where I spend about 65% of my time by myself. I am alone in my cubicle. I am alone as I travel on the road. At first, being alone really bothered me but that's when I chose to take control of what I could to make my time by myself special. I'd start my days in Texas by opening up the window (if it wasn't a bajillion degrees outside), I'd read, write a little, make a good breakfast, pour a chemex of coffee into my tea cup and embrace the day around noon. On the road I plan my days so that I can visit new restaurants and local coffee shops. I find a museum to venture around or take an 8 mile hike by myself...I know, I know, not safe. But, I only did that one time and it was glorious.

••• All of that to say I am an extrovert that is leaning more towards being introverted over the past month. The past year has been a lot of investing. Investing time in people. Investing time in work. Investing time in activities. Investing time in art. Investing time in students. Investing time in travel. Lots and lots of investing. I'm needing a bit of a recharge I guess you could say. In less than a week I leave for some much needed vacation. Colorado is calling my heart and I must follow it. I'll be heading out to the Rocky Mountains for 6 days. I'm not making many plans but I am expectant of good talks, and silence, long walks and hikes, climbing whatever I can climb, chasing sunsets and sunrises, coffee and good food, culture, and a full range of emotions...because when girl-friends get together and when you're experiencing the Lord and His majesty...it happens. I'm looking forward to filling up with the Lord. I'll definitely be asking a lot of questions and perhaps I will receive some answers.

••• I'll be trying to write a bit while I am out there. I'll definitely be uploading some photos to my instagram & snapchat but other than that I'm going to cut out a lot of other communicative mediums. I'm cutting ties with Virginia for 6 days. So now that I have overwhelmed this post with verbiage to get to something I really wanted to share. True Confession: I haven't filmed anything intentional in over a year. Quite honestly I can't believe that this year has gone by as quickly as it has. If you had asked me as I was driving half way across the country I never could have told you what things would leave their impression on my life 12 months down the road. (pun not intended). In almost exactly a month I will look back and see the purpose in many things, and for the others I will continue forward, expectant of great purpose to come. This clip is a beginning. It's a start. Perhaps my time with Ashley was just what I needed to get started in making the thought a reality. This is my way of sharing what I love, what I find beautiful, what captivates me, what resonates. It's my way of sharing life. My mini venture with Ashley was one of inspiration, observation, and being. In future, I hope to share more moments of "doing life." Here's to the start. Even if it's a small one. 

Freely, Gabrielle

Back Seat Reflections

I’ve expressed before how I often times surprise myself with the wisdom that comes out of my mouth. A lot of times this happens when I am sitting down with a friend or my mentee and I am looking to encourage them or I’m asked to give my opinion on something. I came slumping into this current week off of the last week where I was left pretty emotionally, mentally, and physically drained. This past Saturday provided me with the opportunity to go to therapy…aka I got to hit the road to South Florida for 5 days. Travel may not always be cheaper than therapy, but for me it certainly seems to do the trick; and I quite enjoy getting to hit the road rather than laying on a fainting couch amidst all the junk I may be working through. I’m not running from problems but putting some space between myself and the place that often is associated with them. 

Usually I am on the road by myself and I have found that most of my travels provide me with the opportunity to gain a greater perspective on where I am in life and my spiritual walk. This time I hit the road with 4 of my co-workers for a conference in West Palm Beach, Florida. And the angel chorus sang. I had my hand at the wheel a couple times and then spent most of it as a passenger passing the time. I write to you from the backseat of a 7 passenger mini van, cruising 95N through North Carolina. The sky is a bit heavy in places and the trees line the left side of the highway as pastures line the right. I simply adore my time on the road, it’s the place where I can remember doing most of my daydreaming as a child. I wish it would rain so I could race raindrops down my window as I once did. 

I spent most of my time Sunday through Wednesday in sessions for work learning more about my place in higher education as an Christian Enrollment Counselor. I took the teachings as things that I could of course apply to my current work but also saw opportunity to take from these sessions tools and learns that I could use in the future for whatever I end up doing with my life. In my spare time I did some reading. I honestly wish working everyday was broken up into more than two parts of the day, before lunch, and after lunch. I think breaking up the day into sessions would make me a bit more productive and then maybe I could even suggest breaks for tea and coffee and maybe a good 30 minutes break for pleasure reading. Something to break up the monotonous schedule that is working in an office 8 to 5. 

I hit a break-through moment on Tuesday just around dinner time. After my last session of the day I gave my girl Kadi a call because I would be meeting up with her in Savannah, Georgia as we made our trek back to Virginia Beach. As we were catching up over the phone I told her that I felt like I was under some serious spiritual attack last week. (Side-note: Just got the most glorious whiff of burning brush…one of my favorite things). We talked more in depth about it but I will just skip to the conclusion I came to with the help of this beautiful friend of mine. I hadn’t given permission or space for failure in a certain area of my life. The usual assumption is for anything you want to be successful you need complete control or as much as possible to see that whatever it is becomes a success. If you are unsure of something wouldn’t you want to have as much control over it and it’s influencers as possible? Well, the hard part is when you try to control something that you can’t. This causes major anxiety because there’s no formula, there aren’t any guides or step by step instructions to guide you along. The unexpected will happen. It must. There’s no way to be fully prepared, and like I said in my last post, I wouldn’t want to live a life fully prepared. 

So here I am in the midst of the revelation that all of my anxieties I had were because I was trying to figure out how to fix something that’s not broken, prevent things I cannot foresee, mend the past when it’s long gone, or control something that is doing just fine on it’s own. BOOM. What. Yeah. Anxiety can influence one to take control, and it can become a result of the attempt. It’s pretty much something I think we all deal with at one point or another. This rings especially true for all those detail oriented and planning people out there. You know who you are. I know I am. Sometimes planning and details can get in the way of faith and I have definitely been challenged in this over the years. I have a pretty good grasp on not being able to control the future that is a year down the road or more but have more of that struggle of control over the present and closer future. Again, it all comes back to opportunity. This time, I’m sitting down to document my failure to fix, prevent, mend, and control which in turn will lead to stronger faith. I think I would rather have a faith that is stronger than my own control. 

Not A Valentines Post

Well my friends it's February. I guess I've missed a month of blogging but that doesn't mean I can't start now! So here we go. At least two posts a month. That's my goal. Keep me accountable will ya? ;)

Here's a little dose of what has been on my mind lately. I'm doing some re-evaluating of my time and how I am spending it and where I am spending it and why. Something that I have been trying to be better at is being intentional with people. I'm not sure that I shared that here in my blog at any point in past months, so, if I haven't, basically I have been wanting to not only say I am going to do something but also follow through on those things. A lot of it comes down to my relationships. I don't want to just say that I would like to get coffee with you but I am going to say it and mean it. It can become hard when you walk into a local shop here in Virginia Beach so close to the university I not only attended, but also now work full time at ,because I am bound to see not only one person I know but probably a couple. So basically I am expanding my being intentional with people to also being intentional with my time. 

So what's that look like? Well, I have my absolutes that I am needing to focus on first and then build on those from there. Last semester I dove in head first to my job, small groups, church, and extra curriculars. Let's just say that it was a lot. Especially after spending most days by myself in Texas over the past year. That year went quick. 7 months of being back in Virginia Beach has gone quick. Life is speeding up I swear. So my absolutes are as follows: 

• Personal with the Lord - Daily Manna. Plain and simple. Not saying that time with the Lord is plain and simple. You get what I mean. :) It's an area that needs some work in my life since I moved back to Virginia. It was so easy being home, waking up at 930am and starting my day with the Lord. Now with a full time job and other responsibilities it's a bit harder and so I'm learning. Not failing. Learning, growing, and challenging myself in this new season. 

• Wednesday nights I go to a discipleship group called "Love Feast" - So this group is a group I attended last semester and that's how I met my mentee! (no not manatee) I really get to glean a lot from Sara who is a friend of mine who leads the group and her husband Mike (also a friend of mine) who is a part of my "family group." I feel like a mentor or someone to look up to within my family which is kind of neat. It also makes me more aware that I am being watched. I think it's a really good environment for me to be in. 

• Friday nights I meet with a group of artists called "The Gathering" - I just started attending recently but really they have only been meeting for a little over a month so I haven't missed out on much. Many of the members couldn't believe that I just started attending because they could have sworn I was around when it all started up. I feel at home with these creative and inspirational souls.

• I am a mentor to a 18 year old girl in undergrad who is the absolute sweetest. We meet sometime throughout every week depending on our schedules. I think I am doing just as much learning and growing as she is in our meetings together. The Lord continues to surprise me with the little nuggets of wisdom that come from my mouth. Sometimes it's just what I need to hear as well. I cannot tell you how much I love pouring out and into her life and being of encouragement to her. 

• Sunday's I have church - This is another area where I am looking at where I need to be. I have been attending the same church I went to as a student and for some reason in the past month I have felt like I need to start visiting elsewhere. We will see what comes of this in time.

•  Work Monday through Friday - Of course this is an absolute that takes up quite a bit of my life. 40+ hours of my week to be exact.

• Love & Scissors - If you know me well you know that I am a part of a non-profit called Love & Scissors which is an anti-human trafficking organization that I do administrative, marketing, and event planning work for. I just recently became committed as more than just a volunteer which is very exciting. Big things are coming and we are spending some time dreaming which is always exciting. 

 So with those being my absolutes I am accounting for all the rest of my time which is precious since it isn't much. The rest of my time is spent being intentional with people and taking time to myself. I am needing more introverted moments. More time to myself to write, read, create, and dream. Sweet moments where I come home, make dinner, cuddle up in bed and watch an episode of Parenthood...because I can. More moments of getting off work to make my way to Cafe Moka to drink tea and read or write or knit. Peaceful moments. So good for my spirit. So needed. 

All of this writing, perhaps too much, to say that I am re-evaluating how I spend my time. I want to spend it wisely and to spend it in a manner that has me coming away inspired, or refreshed, or at rest, or excited. You get the idea. 

I suppose that's it for now. Just a long list of things. Nothing to significant or ground breaking. Just a little bit of life. 

 

Here's me // Happy Valentines Day

If you expected there to be some sort of irony in regards to my title of this post...sorrynotsorry. hahaha 

"Let's do life together..."

The title of this post is a phrase that surfaces every so often in conversation with my girlfriends. Of course relationships is always a topic on the table and equally so the topic of what we are doing or not doing with our lives. Following shortly after that are conversations of how many of our friends are having babies or just adopted a new pet...for the record my house recently adopted two parakeets and a puppy border collie. Also, this week alone 3 people I know had babies and the pictures of these little ones and others of similar age are starting to hit my instafeed more frequently. What. Is. Life. haha

So back to the original intent of this post, this phrase, "let's do life together." I have a dear friend of mine who I spoke a lot about this phrase with over the past year. My dearest Ashley if you are out there reading this I miss you and we really should Skype soon! My dear friend of almost 10 years and I had many talks of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, life, and adventure. She loved my phrase "let's do life together" so much that back in April she made an image that she shared with me with those very words.

So this phrase came up last night once again when I was hanging out in my house with a big group of friends. One of the couches in my living room had all the married ladies sitting and talking and the topic of how they all met their significant others came up. Of course other girls in the room, myself included, are eating it all up. That's when my friend Jenny mentioned doing daily things with someone and how she just wants that. My mind immediately went back to that phrase, "let's do life together." So I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm not anxious to be. I'm not needing to "fill a void" or "become whole by finding my other half." & can we talk a minute about that phrase... YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON whether you are with someone or not. So many clichés, my oh my. I've never been one to long to be in a relationship. It doesn't bother me that I am single. This just isn't the time for me and that's perfectly alright because I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do when I need to do it. My first priority has been to secure a job. Check! My second priority is to set new roots in healthy soil here in Virginia Beach. There was a big reason I completely uprooted myself and moved to Texas thinking I would never be back in VB and I didn't see that until I got back to the 757 and realized that I get a fresh start in a familiar setting. This past year was a blink. I cannot believe that I spent an entire year at home and now Virginia Beach is my home. So I have been given an opportunity to pave a new foundation and so far although it's been crazy, it has been going well and I still feel like I am setting new roots and finding that healthy soil. I'm wanting to form healthy habits and make healthy choices in many different areas of my life. Some areas are receiving more attention than others and I'm working on fixing that but it's been good. I'm so thankful. I've noticed I manage my stress differently now (something I talked about in a previous post) and I've noticed that I'm making better decisions and more mature decisions. It's honestly saving me a lot of grief. I look back on my 4 years here while I was in school and I shake my head and laugh to myself at some of the things I remember about decisions I made and the things I learned and have learned since then. So good. Thank God.

Bah! Rabbit trail! I'm sorry. haha. So anyway, point being, I'm not searching for love, I'm not lost, I'm not lonely (most of the time ;) we all have our moments), I'm not uncomfortable being alone, I'm not desperate...but as I was telling my friend Kelsey: just because I'm not focused on dating, or getting engaged, or getting married, doesn't mean that the desire isn't there. My underlying desire is to "do life together" with someone. I simply want to build upon a friendship to a point where I can see myself spending time every day with that person as my best friend for the rest of my life. & that takes time! ohhh that takes time. So, no rush or anything. 

I just simply desire to sit in a coffee shop and share my day with someone. I want to spend time outdoors exploring with someone. I want to sit in a room curled up on a couch reading with someone. I want to watch clouds pass by and storms roll in with someone. I want to share my family with someone. I want to share traditions with someone. I want to laugh with someone and have inside jokes with someone. I want to make a fool of myself and cherish the way he teases me. I want to sit in silence with someone. I want to run errands with someone (weird, yeah I know). I want to cook and bake with someone and for someone. I want to get in the car and drive to destination unknown with someone. I want to share my friends with someone. I want to share so many beautiful moments with someone because I know they are ever changing and people are starting to go on and about their own lives. I want to encourage someone. I want to face life's challenges and hardships with someone. I want to be an advocate for someone. I want to surprise someone. I want to dote on someone. I want to be selfless with someone. I want to be vulnerable with someone. I want to pursue dreams with someone. I want to inspire someone. I want to stir someone to want to go deeper in faith and become closer to God. I want to love someone and love with my whole being. 

I may have already found myself in hard situations with friends in the past because I give so much of myself into relationships in general, that any significant hurt from those relationships resonate deep. Knowing this, I know that this love, whatever and whenever it may be, is going to be overwhelming. I'm excited and since this phrase is on my mind off and on over the past year and was recently back on the table I felt I wanted to write about it. So thanks for hanging in there if you've made it this far through all that ooey gooey gushy girl stuff above. I'm putting it out there. I'm being vulnerable with my readers and honestly being more vulnerable and real with myself. That's what all this writing has been about over the past year. I'm working on being honest about things and it all starts with being honest with myself.  

Good stuff. Till next time when I write about something not ooey gooey...

It's finally fall & wonderful things are coming!