That Spark

One of my soul friends wrote something that touched my core today. Uncomfortably so...and I'm glad. This is my heart in words. I shared with her that it captivated me and she responded with "...then this is for you and also me. A love letter to every moment... May they be used to hand make our futures!! xoxo..." I feel that there's so much within this love letter. I'll be meditating on this one for quite some time. Have a read. Let it resonate where it will. & then go check out her website! She's most incredibly talented in her photography, her art, her writings and she's published!

We are all looking for that spark,
that one idea,
that one decision,
that will revolutionize our world.
Our spirit.
Our relationships.
Our career.
When we find that spark,
we start making choices.
New choices.
Different choices than before.
We grow immensely or heal rapidly.
That spark is the one that lights the inner fire.
The thing about a spark is in the presence of void it has no power.
Substance and Being must be Present.
The spark must have something to light....Which means that this spark changes your world only when you have a world to change.
A culmination of everything you have learned up until this moment is set in motion.
Set ablaze.
Each shift, each opening has prepared the ground for harvest,
Each log and leaf prepares for the roaring fire.
Leaving an unhealthy relationship.
Quitting that job you hate.
Going to therapy.
Moving on. Or up. Or too.
Starting your dream project.
Having this baby.
Saying yes to whatever you said no to before when you were too scared.
All are big shifts.
But really they are a culmination of little shifts,
little shifts that have been opening ones soul for the leap.
Which is to say:
all of life matters.
The small connections.
The little sentences of inspiration.
That act of kindness.
That act of grace.
That act of selflessness.
The choice to remain present.
The choice to love yourself anyway.
To keep getting up and trying.
Each moment matters if you want the spark that will change your world.
Because it's all tinder.
You won't know which day brings the big change to your door.
But it will come.
It always does to those who collect stick by stick,
moment by moment, placing them together as an altar.
Prepare and gather enough to withstand the hours and seasons of waiting.
So when the spark comes... the fire will roar.
The fire won't die out.
The fire will burn all that does not belong.
www.aglobalwalk.com (Ashley Fincham)

Accompanying Photo By Ashe Arends Photography

"Let's do life together..."

The title of this post is a phrase that surfaces every so often in conversation with my girlfriends. Of course relationships is always a topic on the table and equally so the topic of what we are doing or not doing with our lives. Following shortly after that are conversations of how many of our friends are having babies or just adopted a new pet...for the record my house recently adopted two parakeets and a puppy border collie. Also, this week alone 3 people I know had babies and the pictures of these little ones and others of similar age are starting to hit my instafeed more frequently. What. Is. Life. haha

So back to the original intent of this post, this phrase, "let's do life together." I have a dear friend of mine who I spoke a lot about this phrase with over the past year. My dearest Ashley if you are out there reading this I miss you and we really should Skype soon! My dear friend of almost 10 years and I had many talks of the heart, soul, spirit, mind, life, and adventure. She loved my phrase "let's do life together" so much that back in April she made an image that she shared with me with those very words.

So this phrase came up last night once again when I was hanging out in my house with a big group of friends. One of the couches in my living room had all the married ladies sitting and talking and the topic of how they all met their significant others came up. Of course other girls in the room, myself included, are eating it all up. That's when my friend Jenny mentioned doing daily things with someone and how she just wants that. My mind immediately went back to that phrase, "let's do life together." So I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm not anxious to be. I'm not needing to "fill a void" or "become whole by finding my other half." & can we talk a minute about that phrase... YOU ARE A WHOLE PERSON whether you are with someone or not. So many clichés, my oh my. I've never been one to long to be in a relationship. It doesn't bother me that I am single. This just isn't the time for me and that's perfectly alright because I'm just going to keep doing what I need to do when I need to do it. My first priority has been to secure a job. Check! My second priority is to set new roots in healthy soil here in Virginia Beach. There was a big reason I completely uprooted myself and moved to Texas thinking I would never be back in VB and I didn't see that until I got back to the 757 and realized that I get a fresh start in a familiar setting. This past year was a blink. I cannot believe that I spent an entire year at home and now Virginia Beach is my home. So I have been given an opportunity to pave a new foundation and so far although it's been crazy, it has been going well and I still feel like I am setting new roots and finding that healthy soil. I'm wanting to form healthy habits and make healthy choices in many different areas of my life. Some areas are receiving more attention than others and I'm working on fixing that but it's been good. I'm so thankful. I've noticed I manage my stress differently now (something I talked about in a previous post) and I've noticed that I'm making better decisions and more mature decisions. It's honestly saving me a lot of grief. I look back on my 4 years here while I was in school and I shake my head and laugh to myself at some of the things I remember about decisions I made and the things I learned and have learned since then. So good. Thank God.

Bah! Rabbit trail! I'm sorry. haha. So anyway, point being, I'm not searching for love, I'm not lost, I'm not lonely (most of the time ;) we all have our moments), I'm not uncomfortable being alone, I'm not desperate...but as I was telling my friend Kelsey: just because I'm not focused on dating, or getting engaged, or getting married, doesn't mean that the desire isn't there. My underlying desire is to "do life together" with someone. I simply want to build upon a friendship to a point where I can see myself spending time every day with that person as my best friend for the rest of my life. & that takes time! ohhh that takes time. So, no rush or anything. 

I just simply desire to sit in a coffee shop and share my day with someone. I want to spend time outdoors exploring with someone. I want to sit in a room curled up on a couch reading with someone. I want to watch clouds pass by and storms roll in with someone. I want to share my family with someone. I want to share traditions with someone. I want to laugh with someone and have inside jokes with someone. I want to make a fool of myself and cherish the way he teases me. I want to sit in silence with someone. I want to run errands with someone (weird, yeah I know). I want to cook and bake with someone and for someone. I want to get in the car and drive to destination unknown with someone. I want to share my friends with someone. I want to share so many beautiful moments with someone because I know they are ever changing and people are starting to go on and about their own lives. I want to encourage someone. I want to face life's challenges and hardships with someone. I want to be an advocate for someone. I want to surprise someone. I want to dote on someone. I want to be selfless with someone. I want to be vulnerable with someone. I want to pursue dreams with someone. I want to inspire someone. I want to stir someone to want to go deeper in faith and become closer to God. I want to love someone and love with my whole being. 

I may have already found myself in hard situations with friends in the past because I give so much of myself into relationships in general, that any significant hurt from those relationships resonate deep. Knowing this, I know that this love, whatever and whenever it may be, is going to be overwhelming. I'm excited and since this phrase is on my mind off and on over the past year and was recently back on the table I felt I wanted to write about it. So thanks for hanging in there if you've made it this far through all that ooey gooey gushy girl stuff above. I'm putting it out there. I'm being vulnerable with my readers and honestly being more vulnerable and real with myself. That's what all this writing has been about over the past year. I'm working on being honest about things and it all starts with being honest with myself.  

Good stuff. Till next time when I write about something not ooey gooey...

It's finally fall & wonderful things are coming!

I Breathe You In

I Breathe You In, God - Katie Torwalt

I heard this song for the first time today as I was reading and had to stop to take note of what song it was. When I left Virginia in August I knew I was going home for several practical reasons but not fully understanding what the future months would hold. So of course I get home and start looking for a job. If you've been following along with this blog or if I have talked with you in person about the past 6 almost 7 months, you know that I have been learning little by little the true reasons for my being home during these past months. Of course I am looking for a job, but I am also growing in my relationships with my family members. I am trying to form healthy habits like spending every morning with the Lord. I am conquering personal hurdles and hinderances to my own growth as a woman. (that's actually really weird for me to write because a lot of times I still feel like I don't fit the womanly high heels yet...figuratively speaking of course). 

So although I am continually seeing the meaning and purpose behind these months I am still left with not understanding. It's one of those times where you have to leave the season you are in and step into a new one to fully look back and see what in the world was going on. I love looking back on the things I learned and how I grew and what the Lord has done during a certain season of my life, but it's always hard to see where things are going till you get there. Yay faith!! 

I'm pretty content with knowing that I don't know, that I don't have any understanding of what will come next, but even in saying that, I am doing my best to seek Him and His plans and to know His will. I could try to guess what's coming but God will probably surprise me. He has already surprised me with so many beautiful things: reuniting me with old friends, becoming friends with my sister, growing closer with my momma, being able to spend quality time with my dad, being a bridesmaid in two of my best friend's weddings, planning a very dear Virginia friends wedding and spending time with many of my dearest friends out in the 757, a random trip to Florida for spring break, growing my relationships with friends who are off an married (this is a HUGE thing!! most girl-friends disappear after they get married - you know I'm right) haha. Anyway, lots of things! Beautiful things! Unknown things that came to be. 

Just a little word vomit for you concerning a song that grabbed my attention today. I have pictures and words coming soon from my random last minute trip out to Florida!!! Check in later!!

// February Adventures

Back in February I had a visitor from the big apple make her way to see me in little ol' Texas. One of my dearest friends, Juliette, flew down and spent 8 days with me. The original plan was to have her come down and spend 5 days, two of those days would have been days she would be traveling her and back. Well mother nature, and mr. frost had different ideas and I am so glad that they did. For an entire 8 days I had the pleasure of her company. By the end of her time here it felt like she lived in the guest bedroom. Every morning we woke up and ate the cinnamon rolls that I had made from scratch. Every day was a new adventure. We galavanted around Austin, San Antonio, and the area where I live. We ate too many sweets and partook in watching many movies. We had long talks and just simply enjoyed being with each other. It was so refreshing to talk with her about life and love and all things girly because we are in very similar seasons. So I wanted to share some photos from our adventures here as a tribute to the wonderful memories we made. Her trip out here meant the world to me, one of my major love languages is quality time and Lord only knows how much I needed that time spent with her. God is so good for providing the opportunity for us both.