#realtalk

I'm about to get passionate people! So this morning I'm having breakfast with my momma at Cracker Barrel and I get a fb message from a friend I haven't talked with in two years. A friend that I went to high school and church with for the two years I lived in Florida. Guys! You never know who is watching what you post on Facebook! You never know who might be a link or connection to amazing possibilities!!! Okay. So I've gotten a couple messages like hers in the past; great friends who are looking out for their friends by relaying information on a possible job opportunity and such. Remember I have not had an actual conversation with this friend in two years...I know...facebook told me with the last time stamp from 2012. So she mentions I should check out this organization she heard of that uses film and photography to help organizations raise public awareness and calls the public to action on social injustice issues!!! So I'm like... um sheeeyeahhh!!! I get home after breakfast and go to their site and I'm like 'Oooo' & 'Ahhhh' & 'Eeee!' Anyway I came across one of their promotional films for their organization and watching it and I break down in tears and started shaking. Like seriously was so incredibly moved because I saw the dreams and passions God has laid on my heart...there...on the screen, better said than I think I could have said myself. On the serious, I think when people ask me what I wanna do when I grow up I'm going to show them this promotional. I immediately ran downstairs to my mom to show her the short promo and started crying again!! Anyway I've made an inquiry about jobs and such through an email. Honestly praying that the Lords will be done with this new found information I have. Who knows He could have just had me come across the organization to help me realize that my dream is possible. Not that I thought it was impossible but just as a, I don't know, like a 'hey trust me it's out there! there are people wanting to do exactly what you want to do. I would't send you out to do it all alone.' #realtalk #God. So I'm trusting that there is purpose behind my friend sending me that message and purpose in my emailing them. Who knows what that purpose is. But as I pray for the Lords will I am also praying that I may be able to join this team of passionate artists and advocates! It's an exciting and bumpy road I've been on and I'm ever so thankful for it.


On a completely other note: People!!! Are you out there? I'd love to read some comments every now and then. I try to be active in making sure friends of mine who have blogs know that I am reading their material that I value their thoughts and things. Doesn't mean that I expect everyone who reads any of this to comment every time haha but I would love to hear that you're out there if you would like to even just say "wazzup." So friend, if you're out there I'd love to hear that my words aren't just floating in space and if they do, then so be it, I'm glad to be writing because that's often how I learn and track growth and process.

I leave you with a question: What pulls on your heartstrings?

Whole Magazine : When the Plot Twists

Today's encouragement comes from yet another Whole Magazine Post by Emilee Lowe. These particular posts just hit home right now. To read the post you can read below or click on the link right below this paragraph. 

Whole Magazine : When the Plot Twists: My family relocated five months ago to our dream location, a coastal town with the best church in the universe and the prettiest shells ...

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When the Plot Twists

"My family relocated five months ago to our dream location, a coastal town with the best church in the universe and the prettiest shells and sea you could hope for…or at least that’s the way we see it. But our circumstances are so far out of our control and less than ideal that it has tested us more than I ever expected.

My husband had this longing to be by the ocean, not unlike most of us, but his longing seemed to come from a calling set on his heart from God. Packing up and moving wasn’t as simple as doing just that, we had a house to sell, I had recently opened up a business of my own, our daughter was just over a year old and nearly all of both of our families had settled into the city we were in. The roller coaster of decision was so hard on its own, and even though the calling seemed clear, the timing and details were so uncertain. Everyone around us thought we were crazy, and to be honest I was pretty sure they were right.

About six months after we made the decision to move, when the opportunity presented itself, my husband received a job offer that opened the door. However, they needed him immediately, so we packed up everything and moved in just less than three weeks’ time. At the time, I was certain that I was going to be admitted into an institution, but by the Grace of God we made it to our new residence.

Three days later, the job didn’t work out. The next job he got didn’t work out. And then he was unemployed for two months. I was angry. I was so bitter that the bottom had fallen out of our dream plan. OUR PLAN. I found my heart was so heavily burdened with resentment and the closest and easiest person to blame was my husband. I convinced myself that these decisions and choices that had landed us in this predicament were all made by him and I was just going along with them out of submission. I didn’t vocalize these things at first, and by the time I did it had festered into an ultimatum in my heart. ‘Either he fixes this, or I’m out.’ That’s what I thought.

I can’t believe I’ve actually just typed that out and admitted it to anyone. But it is the truth.

By the time I talked to my husband about these issues, there wasn’t much love or grace left in my approach. The hardness of my heart came at him like a brick. And as you can imagine, he was already feeling like he had let our family down. My accusations and ultimatums did nothing to build him up, and only tore him down further weighing heavily on the threads that were holding our marriage together.

BUT GOD. There is no explanation I can give for the change in my heart other than those two words.

We were living smack dab in the middle of the consequences of our decisions. For so many years, we had chosen to act now and think later when it came to major choices and changes. We ran and jumped and jived as long as we could but when we landed here in our “dream location” God showed us that there was nowhere left to run. And despite it all, we were exactly where we were supposed to be. He has orchestrated event after event that have given us confirmation time and time again that we are right where he wants us.

My husband ended up with a job that he loves, and though we are still struggling in major ways, I know that this has strengthened our relationship with each other and more importantly with The Lord. Our daughter is happier than I have ever seen her. We are more stressed than I think we have ever been, yet I have a supernatural peace that I simply cannot put into words.

Stressing, worrying, freaking out and trying so hard to control things serves no purpose other than distracting attention from the Glory of God. No matter the situation, no matter how desperate and impossible it seems, He will always make a way for His Will to be done. I know that in the midst of this major storm we’re living in, He hasn’t left us and hasn’t forgotten about us. He has a plan. It’s obviously very intricate and complex, but that’s nothing for Him!

“God also allows suffering so that we might learn what it means to depend on Him, not on our own strength and resources.” - Charles Swindoll

“What God Originates, He Orchestrates. How is never a problem with God.” - Andy Stanley

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed”" (Lowe, When the Plot Twists, Whole Magazine).

About the Author :

Emilee Lowe is a Christ following wife and mother who lives in Wilmington, North Carolina. She is a former hair stylist who is committed to being used by God in whatever way He sees fit. 

Lowe, Emilie. "When the Plot Twists | Whole Magazine." When the Plot Twists | Whole Magazine. N.p., 19 Feb. 2014. Web. 20 Feb. 2014. <http://www.wholemagazine.org/2014/02/when-plot-twists.html>.

Whole Magazine : Let Me Walk Upon the Waters

I'VE MADE A DECISION! So I have decided to post not only my own writings but also writings of others. As you know if you have been following me over the past months I have become a reader! I mean, I'm not reading 3 books a week but I am reading chapters a week in a couple different books which is a big thing for me and I am loving it! I am also reading a lot of articles and some of those I come across touch my heart with such depth I just have to share! So this is the first article I would like to share from my devos today. Funny thing is when I was writing yesterday I had Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) on repeat. I then saw a post on Facebook a video of the same song recorded in studio and then today there's a devotion article on it?!?!?! Coincidence? I think not.


Please enjoy! Be encouraged! I know I was :]

CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW TO READ THE ARTICLE:

Whole Magazine : Let Me Walk Upon the Waters: This weekend, I took a trip with three close friends to a little place called Cannon Beach on the Oregon coast. One of the places where ...

All Wrapped Up

It's been almost a month since my last post! Oops! I'm about to get a bit heavy with this post so please pardon me but I will be saving some of my tales of my latest wonderful adventures for another post to come.

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Today is one of those days where I'm all wrapped up. It can be so easy to get all wrapped up in one area of your life where you fall short. Now I'm not saying that in all of my life I only have one area where I fall short, Lord knows I have plenty! What I am saying is that one short-coming can pick apart my heart. In my past I have let the short-comings and personal failures ravage my whole being. 

Worthless. Broken. Weak. Unworthy. Stupid. Lousy. Undisciplined. Unwise. Stuck. Lost. Selfish.

Disappointment in myself takes hold and begins to strangle. In my past I have given these short-comings the power to do some significant damage. An example of this from my past would be that I had given my short-comings so much control, so much power, that I had to leave work on a five minute break to have a panic attack. If you've not had the delight of experiencing a panic attack [sarcasm] the world goes blurry, you're straining to breathe, unable to stand, and sometimes you black-out. It's a very real wake up call to realizing that struggle has an unhealthy grasp on your life. All of life's current struggles have built up anxiety that basically runs your life. I have come a long way since those days but they still remain very real to me today and I'm thankful for that. If you will notice I mentioned that I had a "very real wake up call to realizing that struggle [had] an unhealthy grasp on [my] life..." that's because I believe in a healthy struggle, not just an unhealthy one. 

You Are Good When There's Nothing Good In Me

Each day, each week, each month, each year has it's challenges and with those challenges comes the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Here at the cross roads of success or failure. Will I overcome or be wiped out? Throughout this life I am guaranteed to disappoint others and myself with my own shortcomings because of the sin in my life. I've become more sensitive to the disappointment in self which has in turn led me to learn some hard but valuable lessons. Her I may be, wallowing in disappointment, shame even, for falling short of the life that God has called me to live. Barren and broken from bitterness, hate, idolatry, greed, and an unruly tongue. Wrapped up in one all-consuming struggle that it begins to break me down at my weakest points. Been hearing the phrase #thestruggleisreal lately? It's a very appropriate saying all around I think, although it is mostly used in a joking manner.  Really wanting to eat the whole pie...#thestruggleisreal ~ Homework out the wazoo...#thestruggleisreal ~ Disney or Universal?...#decisions #thestruggleisreal ~  To be or not to be...#thestruggleisreal ~ That Disney/Universal tweet is for my Florida followers you know who you are. ;] But on the serious, the struggle is real and the consequences are just the same. So knowing that I am guaranteed to fail at times, here I am with failure written all over me, yet a healthy sense of failure. I may be broken, I may have bruised my heels, I may have worn and torn my heart and mind but I am fighting. I have made a decision in the midst of s stormy day to conquer. The Lord has given me the freedom of choice, to choose to wallow in self pity or take up my cross and follow Him. This cross that bears my sin and shame I am choosing to surrender. I can't do it alone. Wallowing helps none. I recognize my struggle. I see my weakness. I take what could be an unhealthy encounter with short-comings and see the glory and grace that comes from it. Where I am weak He is strong. Where I struggle He stands firm. I won't conquer every challenge. It's not easy. I'm thankful to have seen the ocean like depths of God's grace for me, although to have experienced his deepest grace for me I was caught up in a current of hopelessness and depression. Waves of these deepest waters will cross my path at times reminding me of what those hopeless days felt like and reminding me of the decision I chose, when all felt lost, to fight. To take hold of the promises God has written in His word for His people. To let God reconstruct what I had broken. To redeem my self-worth. And to ultimately allow Him to show me how much I needed Him and how beautiful a life could be with restored hope and faith. So as today was a day where I found myself beginning to be consumed and all wrapped up in my failures I turned my focus to thankfulness. I am thankful to have the grace of a lifetime. I am thankful to have second chances, and third chances, and so on. I am thankful to have forgiveness and a God who is love. I am taking these struggles and out of them building strength. I am thankful for the realization that I don't have to face the future alone. I am humbled and indebted. I am sweetly broken. I am not letting myself get all wrapped up in the struggle but letting the struggle make me want to wrap myself up in His arms. Making the best of what could be an unhealthy situation and bringing truth to light.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Also, Definitely took me almost 4 hours to write this post.