In The Spirit Of Thanksgiving

I think I may have said this in my last post but I have come to the realization that this season is a season in which my heart is being ministered to. Heart Ministry. I like that saying. It's amazing to me to think back about 5 years ago and see what all has occurred in my life over the span of 5 years. Not only graduating high school and college and joining the real world on a hunt for a job but also the conditions my heart and spirit have been in over the years. I kinda want to laugh out loud right now but I am sitting in a Starbucks with people all around me and I may get some funny looks.

Now it's time for real moments with Gabrielle, the part of the blog where Gabrielle comes out and shares a real moment:

Now this real moment kinda ties into what I wrote in my last blog post. For any who haven't read the last one... #1. um why haven't you? #2. I mainly talked about the challenge I have accepted to accept that I am created the way I am for a reason. I have a double major for a reason. I am living at home with my parents for a reason. God has purpose and I shouldn't be discouraged when I see others working and fulfilling their dreams. Their dreams may not always be my dreams and their talents are not always the same as my own. I am unique. You are unique and we all have different purposes and plans. How wonderful to think that God has a specific and unique plan for everyone! No one is the same. What's not to love about that!? Your plan and my plan are exclusive to us individually. SO yeah. That's basically what I talked about and expanded on my struggle with that in the past years. Soooo... I'm reading this other book. Not the book I quoted in my last post. I am reading two books and the book I picked up to read today I haven't read since I left for one of my best friends weddings in FL. Todays chapter (I'm pleased to say I am on chapter 7! That's quite an accomplishment for me!) is entitled "Green with Envy." God's got something to say to me and I'm listening. (Soul Detox, Craig Groeschel)

Our Friend So-crates says this: "Envy is the daughter of pride, the author of murder and revenge, the beginner of secret sedition and the perpetual tormentor of virtue. Envy is the filthy slime of the soul; a venom, a poison, or quicksilver which consumeth the flesh and drieth up the marrow of the bones." 

Basically:

Envy = Daughter of Pride

Envy = Author of Murder

Envy = Author of Revenge

Envy = Tormentor of Virtue

Envy = Slime of Soul

Envy = Venom

Envy = Poison

Envy = Consumes

Envy = Dries Up Bones (like cancer)

Envy... yeah. Not a cool thing. Yet we all struggle with it. I shared how I struggled with my discontent in who I was, what I know, and where I am in life. What's the opposite of Envy? Give you one guess........... Thankfulness. Hey! Guess what!? It's November!!! Isn't thanksgiving next week or something? Yeah. Secret (last week I though it was this week). 

We should be thankful of what we have whether it is material or immaterial. "When we see God's goodness in the lives of others, we shouldn't allow ourselves to feel resentful." -Soul Detox 

Real moment with Gabrielle. I felt a little hurt and resentful when my internship fell through back in January. Long story short... I got an internship that would turn into a job by May. I was going to be associate producing a new documentary with an amazing team. After the first week of my internship went by I was informed that the documentary was no longer and my "boss" was getting married instead. I rejoiced with her and had peace about it until later on when I came to the end of my internship and all I had done was collect 90 pages of research and turned it in to complete a credit. I felt like I missed out on learning a lot and developing more of my craft. Then come to find out that my "boss" joined another team across the country, didn't get married and is successful and traveling and living the dream. I dealt with some hurt which turned into resentfulness and a little bit of envy. I didn't understand why it happened. Why I didn't start traveling the world and raising awareness for the causes I care about and the people I care about even more. I didn't understand why I had to go home. I didn't understand why I am where I am in life. Seriously. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Today I read a status update from my friend and former internship "boss" and it talked about how excited she is to be traveling and making a documentary on slavery. I thought to myself before reading it that I probably shouldn't read it because then I would become upset but I read it anyway and you know what... I'm not upset. I'm excited for her. I'm excited to see what comes of what she is doing. We are working for the same cause... well... she's working right now and someday I will be too! I have done little things here and there for advocating against social injustice and now's a time to learn some new stuff. Now is a time that my heart is being ministered to. Now is a time that I am realizing where my heart needs some work. To be thankful for all things. To be thankful in all times. To be expectant of Glory to come. Today is one of the first days where I haven't been sick to my stomach when I start to think about my future and the present. 

"If the grass is greener in someone else's yard, maybe it's time you watered your own. How long has it been since you've taken stock of what God's given you and said "Father, thank you"?" - Soul Detox

"When we look at other people comparatively and competitively, we're not seeing them as our brothers and sisters. We're not loving them more than we love ourselves, and we're definitely not seeing them as God sees them." - Soul Detox

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." - Soul Detox

Another challenge to process and act on. Let me be clear about the above real moment I shared... I don't sit around and pout or think about how I loathe being where I am right now or resent what other people are doing but when I am feeling discouraged it's where the enemy attacks. I am closing the door on those open targets and God is making my heart a bit more peaceful which does wonders for my anxiety levels - go figure! haha 

That's it for now! God Speed Friends!